The Sleeping Toilet Awards

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you find yourself so exhausted that you catch yourself falling asleep in the craziest places? Come on, you know you have. Apparently, Logan had one of those recently. It was roughly 4:00 in the afternoon and I hadn't gotten home yet from work, but Logan had to use the bathroom for "#2". After taking care of his business, he made the call to Shannon to come and help him clean up a bit as he does after every movement of the bowels. At this point, I guess it is as good a time as any to mention that both of my boys have this issue of liking to be completely free while taking care of that life function. I don't think Braden does it as much, but in their hey day, both would prefer to strip down completely before...you know. Anyway, so Logan was naked as a jaybird following Shannon's helping hand. She told him to get dressed and she was going to go check on the rest of the kids. She walked outside and got Kate in a moment that couldn't have taken more than...5 minutes at most, more than likely less. She then went to go back inside and got bitten by our new door handle. I recently installed a new door handle on the front door that is always unlocked on the inside regardless of its status on the outside. It can be very confusing, especially since our previous handle did not do this. Anyway, you can guess where this is going in that Shannon was now locked outside. Not a problem, Logan is in there and he can come answer the door...at least in theory. After a couple of doorbell rings and a great deal of ferocious knocking, she finally gives up and goes around back and is able to get in the back door. She calls out for Logan...no answer. After looking for him all over, she finally finds him here:



Now don't worry, he did not slip and fall knocking himself unconcious (as Shannon was at first concerned he might have done). No, he was just overcome with exhaustion and laid down. As a father, I find a little solace in the fact that he at least got his underwear on first. I think that's good thing, isn't it? Anyway, this was on the heels of a couple of very busy weeks and before a couple of very busy weeks were about to begin. I found I could relate to the boy. In that light, I would like to present the first annual Sleeping Toilet Awards. (The truth is, I will never likely give these out again, but my other option of putting the words "toilet" and "Lifetime Achievement Awards" in the same sentence is probably not a good idea.) This year's recipients are:

1. Rhett and Alysia Dodge - Rhett has been in the bishopric with me for six months and also had the opportunity for his company to win the contract to put the windows in for the Gila Valley temple. That is a great blessing but has led to a lot of hours. Add that to the fact that Alysia just got called into the Primary Presidency and suddenly we need to be wary of sleepwalkers on Church St. I am sure the Dodges do not read this blog, so if anyone wants to inform them they have won a Sleeping Toilet award, I am sure they would be thrilled.

2. Heath and Timi Brown - The Browns just returned from a week long vacation in Disneyland. That is enough to cause anyone to need a couple of days recovery in and of itself, but the Browns then finished off their week by hitting Disneyland one last time Saturday morning and then making the full nine hour drive home that afternoon/evening without a break. I have done that once without hitting the park first and let me tell you...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I fell asleep just thinking about it. So congratulations Browns, you are a Sleeping Toilet award winner.

3. Ryan and Shannon Rapier - I realize how conceited it may appear to create an award so you can give it to yourself, but...oh well. We have just been through a week where every child except Kate has vomited during the hours of darkness. I hate cleaning vomit. That has nothing to do with the award, it is just something I feel very strongly about and felt it needed to be said. Also, my apologies to Hannah Dodge for having to come watch our kids without us realizing Abby was so close to refunding her enchiladas back to the earth that gave them to her in a way not originally designed by the Creator. Anyway, this comes in the midst of a Saturday that began at 4:30 a.m. for a temple trip with the youth, a night of work where I was on the committee to provide a BBQ to the night shift and coming this Saturday, helping direct traffic for the "Gila Valley's first 1/2 marathon and any other non-related event we could throw into one event" event, which will begin at 5:45 a.m. This week and the two that have preceded it are just insane. So crazy, that I feel the need to come up with a name for it...Oh yeah, Life! I think I will check with Logan if there is any additional space by that toilet. It looked pretty comfortable for him.

Any nominations for a Sleeping Toilet Award will be accepted and likely awarded. There are probably many deserving winners.

Finally, I have a beautiful daughter who is growing up too quickly that I want to brag about. So here is Kate admiring the rose bush my Mom gave us a couple of years ago. I think she looks like her dad.

Letter To Mom

As many of you have probably heard by now (but for those who haven't, I will now share with you) my father and my mother-in-law are engaged and will be married on December 4 or 5. I can't remember. Please don't take that the wrong way as in I don't approve or anything. I struggle with transposing dates in my mind when two of them somehow get associated in my mind with the same event. Case in point, my son Braden's due date was February 22. He was born February 25. For several years I would have to think long and hard about which day was actually his birthday. Don't tell Shannon, but same kind of thing for the first couple of years we were married with our anniversary. Couldn't remember if it was January 3 or 4. For the record I know it is the 3rd...Just kidding dear, I know its the 4th. Anyway, this is a pretty good thing for both of them and it is a blessing to our family. Of course the jokes, they are a plentiful. I have heard more moving to the south and "I'm my own Grandpa" references in the last couple of weeks than I have heard in the 13 years of marriage prior. We accept that. The families are still trying to figure out how this is all going to work. On my side it is pretty easy. Nothing really changes for my kids except Grandma and Grandad are now in the same place and the effect on Jerry and Kirt is minimal. At least I think so. However, on Shannon's side the logistics of a new grandpa in the mix are still being worked out. I am sure they will all pan out in the end.

The one thing I struggle with is when people ask if I am ok with this. I don't know what to say. The emotions and feelings associated with that question are a little deeper and would require a little more time than the 15 second response most people are looking for. So, on the off chance that someone is reading this that wants to ask that question or has already asked it but thinks I gave a flippant answer, I will share the following. I recognize that some might think this is a little personal, but I have always been pretty up front with my emotions. Obviously, I am not going to share anything that I don't want to, but I tend to be able to express things better in writing than any other format. So if you really wondered how I am with all of this, here we go:

Dear Mom,

I am sure by now you have heard that Dad is going to marry Marilyn. Pretty weird, I know. I hope you are ok with this. I know we had several talks in the months before you couldn't talk with us anymore about what would happen to Dad after you passed. Based on those talks, I am fairly certain that you would give this arrangement your blessing. But now that it is actually happening, I wonder if it is a little harder to accept in reality than in theory. See, I clearly don't understand what happens after this life. I know the basics and they are all good. But I have been taught my whole life that I better not smoke or drink because I will have the same cravings after this life as I had during it. That is all well and good and a great deterrent, but if you follow that logic, are the human emotions that connect you to a spouse the same after this life? Are you a little uncomfortable or jealous of this situation? Do you have those feelings but also feel guilty because of how hard it is to expect two people to be alone in this life who very likely have a good number of years left? Or when you arrive in the Spirit world, does your perspective on our existence change so that these natural man emotions seem small and inconsequential in comparison? Don't worry Mom, I don't stress and wring my hands over this stuff. But sometimes, I look at Shannon and wonder if I were gone, how would I feel. I would hate for her to feel alone in this world where loneliness is such a brutal companion. But I have to be honest, I can't hardly bear the thought of her loving anyone else but me. And then, being the over analytical person I am, I project those feelings onto you and can't help but wonder how you feel.

Another thing that scares me is losing you in this process. I don't want you forgotten by my children. I know that is my responsibiltiy to keep you alive, but I am also aware of the realities. I can remember you sharing through tears that your biggest regret is that Kate would never know you. I hate that too. I worry that Logan is so young, the memories of you will be hard for him to keep. They will be for all of us to a certain extent, but for my young children who have so few to begin with, where will you fit into their life experience?

Lastly, who do I talk to? You were always the one who I talked to about...everything. I love Dad dearly, but your passing has brought into clear focus just how much he and I have never really talked about all the things that dads and sons generally have trouble talking about. That is why sons need their moms. Main case in point, you are the one I would most likely talk to about this. But I can't. And that is hard. Logan and I were in his room the other night and he had just finished saying his prayers when he stood up and looked at me with a very sad look on his face. I should mention they had just spent the day in Duncan for the first time since your funeral. I asked him what was wrong expecting something about how he didn't want to be in trouble since he was just prior to his prayers. Instead, he said, "I am thinking I am about to cry." I asked him why and he said, "I miss Grandma Rapier." and then he lost it. I just held him for a little while and silently cried with him. I miss you so much too. Day after day I realize another little thing that I miss that I hadn't thought of before. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, the marriage is making me face the fact that things have changed. I think I was able to live in denial as long as too many things did not get altered. I still haven't been back to Duncan since your funeral. I know that is wrong. But I think it is for this same reason. If I avoid dealing with a lot of things, then maybe I can avoid admitting you aren't here anymore. Now Mom, please don't think I am delusional. I am aware of reality. I hope you know what I mean. But dad getting remarried makes living in denial very difficult.

Overall, I know this is a good thing. I believe you know it too and are very accepting. I am so happy for Marilyn. I am happy for Dad too, but Marilyn has been alone for so long. She deserves something good. I believe this will be. Heaven knows they will have to work through some things. You would know what some of those things are better than anyone. But I think they will be fine. But Mom, I hope you know I love you. I miss you. When people ask me how I feel about all this, you are the person I think of and I don't know how to answer. I hope all is well with you. I will do all I can to keep you alive in the lives of our kids. They are who they are in part because of you. Please watch over us and I guess I will talk to you later. I love you Mom.

Ryan

A Quick Story: Logan's Misunderstanding

We are coming up on having our primary program for sacrament meeting in about two weeks. All of our kids have received their parts and are doing very well in memorizing them. Maybe a little too well.

Last week was fast and testimony meeting and after about 10 minutes, I see Braden and Logan come walking up with big ol' smiles on their faces. They go and sit down on the bench and prepare to share their testimonies. As it happens, they are waiting out someone who was taking a fair amount of time. Not out control, but not super quick. Certainly not quick enough for the curious nature of 7 and 4 year old boys. After about 15 seconds of sitting quietly. They both start to stand up a little bit to see over the little wall on the stand and look out at the crowd. Braden wanted to wave to mom. Very appropriate. My apologies to Brother Skinner who was sharing some very heart felt thoughts. I was finally able to get their attention and give them the evil eye just in time. I am fairly certain that Logan was preparing to climb up on the bench and stand so he could get a better view. Can't be certain, but let's just call it father's intuition.

After a couple more moments, others joined them on the stand and Brother Skinner finished. Braden got up and bore his testimony. Did a great job. Then he left the stand and walked back to sit with Shannon and the fam. Logan's smile was completely gone now. He sat on the edge of the bench with a look of uncertainty on his face and he paused long enough that another girl got up and went next. When she finished, Logan tentatively stood up and looked out at the audience and uncertainty turned to terror and he looked over at me. His face said, "What do I do now?" I motioned for him to come and see me and he started toward me and he just melted in tears by the time he got me. I held him for about a minute while he kept saying, "Braden was supposed to stay by me." over and over again. I finally calmed him down and he went back to sit with Shannon who then got to hold him. I am not sure how the next conversation went, but something tripped Shannon's radar and she asked Logan, "Well Logan, what did you want to say?"

He replied, "In the premortal existance, I..." and so on to finish verbatim his part for the primary program. A couple of things. First, I am proud that he knew his part so well that he was ready to give it three full weeks before the program. Second, I think we as parents need to take some responsibility that we were not a little more clear on when he was supposed to share that rehearsed part. Third, we need to help Logan express to others what his expectations of them are prior to starting something as opposed to being frustrated after its over when they don't do what he expects regardless of how little knowledge they had. Lastly, isn't it amazing how quickly you can have a flashback of what it is like to experience the sheer terror that can only come from being very young and seeing hundreds of people staring at you, waiting for you to say something. It is the worst. I once completely bailed on my primary teacher during a primary program and refused to say my part. Another time, I freaked out and lost it when they tried to make me wear a newspaper tri-corner hat during the bi-centennial celebration. In my defense, I have seen the home movies of that event and I still think I was somewhat justified in that one. Those things were the stupidest looking things I have ever seen and I was right to refuse someone the opportunity of capturing me for time and memorial on film with one of those things on my head. Anyway, looking at my son in that moment when his face went into terror mode, I felt so bad for him. Because I have been there. We've all been there.

Random Thoughts on a Friday Morning

-Kanye West says "George W. Bush doesn't care about black people" during a telethon to help victims of Hurricane Katrina and is said to be a thoughtful patriot exercising free speech. I, or any other person in this country, say I don't agree with nor want Obama's healthcare proposal, and that makes me a rabid racist according to Jimmy Carter and several media outlets. Since I also do not support Cap and Trade, the removal of the missle shield from our allies in Europe nor trying to negotiate with Iran, I suppose I should get to work on starching my white sheets and polishing up my jack boots. Does anyone have any laundering tips on how to get the hoods to stand up straight? I am afraid mine will keep flopping over to the side and frankly if you can't do racism with proper fashion and style, is there really any point in doing it at all?

-We played "Corn Bag Toss" for Young Men's on Wednesday night. This game is kind of like horse shoes, except it is played with a slightly sloped board with a hole in it and bean bags with corn instead of beans. (Maybe I shouldn't mention this so close to a rant about racism. The "hick" factor of a game with corn bags and a board with a hole in it might be deemed a little high. Oh well.) You throw four corn bags to the board and if the bean bag stays on the board, it is worth one point. If it goes in the hole, it is worth three points. Rhett and I were playing Tommy Nicholas and Brenton Welker and we might have gotten a little full of ourselves when we made a slight wager on the outcome. If Rhett and I had lost, I would have had to have painted a green T on my cheek for tonight's football game. For those from Thatcher, I realize it is not a big deal. For someone from Duncan? This is tantamount to treason and possibly punishable by death. Rhett on the other hand would have had to use the word "sycamore" twice while conducting in church this week. Fortunately, we won and so Tommy will be wearing a slight bit of rouge to church this week and Brenton, who is our youth speaker, will have to fit the word "eucalyptus" into his talk. Appropriate? Probably not. But I am still looking forward to this way too much.

-How did my dad, in good conscience, tie a string to almost all of my teeth and yank them out of my head when I was younger? Braden's front tooth was practically horizontal this week and so finally, I gave him a deadline. (Actually I gave him several because I am a weak pushover.) When it could be put off no longer, I went and grabbed his tooth and yanked...it didn't come out. This is already after having attempted the string thing with him earlier in the week with floss and a hair ribbon, both of which failed miserably. It had to be kind of like being put up in front of a firing squad and repeatedly hearing, "Ready, Aim, Fire!!!" only to have everyone's gun jam at the same time. I don't know how that boy's heart took it all. Now Braden is sobbing "No no no no daddy, NOOOOOOOOO!" Well I gotta finish it now so I grab a hold and yank again. The sound of a tooth separating from the gum is a NASTY sound! Of course, once it was done, it was amazing how much bravery Braden suddenly found as he talked non-stop about his tooth removal experience. Meanwhile, I couldn't find Abby. She had two loose teeth with the other teeth coming in underneath them. She had been given the same deadline. Abby has always had big time trauma issues with teeth since she had a similar experience to Braden when we lived in Gilbert. We finally found her and with tears in her eyes, I looked at the two teeth needing to be removed. There was no way to really get a good hold without plyers (I only considered it for maybe 5 seconds. I am not really that cold.) So I told her she had one more day and then we were calling the dentist. I just couldn't do it. Good thing we went this route too. She had an additional tooth that needed to come out and it had to be removed in pieces. She has another appointment next month to remove her final three baby teeth and she will be done. Thank Heavens!

-Steve Carrell is a genius at painful, uncomfortable comedy. Anyone who is an Office fan will have to agree. His inability last night to restrain himself from giving in to the subliminal thoughts of calling Stanley's wife by his mistress' name had to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. It is good to have The Office back.

-I am back to despising Safford City government. They have gone the "non-residents pay more" route out at the golf course, which resides in Thatcher by the way. I know that there is no way that the same kind of resistance can be raised for the golf course that was raised for the library. Something about grown men having to pay more to hit little white balls with sticks at holes with flags in them just doesn't strike the same chord as denying the children of our community the opportunity to read books. Go figure. But it is still infuriating. If it was paid for by property tax it would be one thing. But it isn't. It is paid for by sales tax which we all pay. Secondly, as much money as Safford seems to be losing on EVERYTHING they do, it seems to me that maybe an outside entity ought to be brought in to look at the management issues in Safford first before they stick it to people who have no voting authority on what amounts to an additional tax for not being residents. I am sure Safford's Mayor, Ron Green, does not agree with my sentiments.

Yesterday, I had to give a presentation to a group of community leaders who are taking part in a year long program put on by the Chamber of Commerce. I had been presenting for about 10 minutes when I realized it was a little warm. Then I had a horrible thought that almost stopped me mid-sentence. Did I forget to put on deodorant this morning? Please know that this is not a common occurance, I just couldn't remember doing it. I still can't. I am not sure I did. Please tell me I am not the only one to have had this type of experience.

And with that, I have probably shared too much information and so we will end it here.

Where's Waldo

So leave it to the youth to come up with new and inventive ways for adults to embarrass themselves. A month or so ago, we had our ward youth planning meeting where we plan out the combined activities for the year. The laurels announced their idea and it was to play Where's Waldo. I had never played this game and so innocently I asked, "How do you play Where's Waldo?"

"It's where you dress up in a disguise, hide in Wal-Mart and we have to find you."

"Come again?"

"It's where you dress up..."

"No I heard that part, I had just hoped I hadn't. So you want some of your leaders to dress up?"

"And you...well the whole bishopric actually."

That was pretty evil I thought. Put you on the spot in front of all the youth and of course as they are describing the activity, the rest of the youth all start nodding their heads and smiling. There are just some times when you know you have been beaten. So, it was scheduled. The first Wednesday in September, several leaders from the ward and the entire bishopric would dress up and place themselves throughout Wal-Mart and wait for groups of teenagers to come find them. First group to find all the hidden leaders and get their signatures wins. I have to admit if I hadn't been one of the selected hiders, I would have thought this was a fantastic idea for an activity. But since I was a selected leader, I was now failing to see the spiritual growth that would occur based on this activity. Upon second thought, we would have to cancel and come up with a different idea.

But we didn't. So the night before, I found myself struggling with what my "Waldo Disguise" would be. My first thought was to get some self-tanning lotion and a do-rag and try to dress myself up as a Hispanic "gangsta" type of character. Well...let me just say that that self-tanning stuff doesn't do crap and now I have a big orange spot on my right calf. Anyway, now it is getting desparate. So Shannon goes out on the day of and procures a nice house dress fit for an eighty year old and wonderful wig that...well let's just say it fit with the house dress. That night, I put both of those on and some glasses, knee high pantyhose and a pillow in my basketball shorts underneath the house dress so I would have a little extra junk in the trunk and set off for Wal-Mart. Before I left, my kids got a little freaked out, especially Kate, but Braden did tell me afterward that he was glad I wasn't the old granny anymore.

It is funny that what seems ridiculous when you are in the comfort of your own home, begins to feel downright horrifying the closer you get to Wal-Mart. I pulled into the parking lot and probably would have just left if Rhett hadn't pulled up next to me. He had apparently been circling the parking lot waiting for someone else to arrive. He had chosen to go with the homeless guy look and was going to set up shop right outside the front door. That must have been a sight. A homeless looking guy and a large grandmother figure who couldn't have been less feminine walking together through the parking lot of Wal-Mart. Anyway, Rhett took his position and I walked inside trying to be inconspicuous while being the most conspicuous thing that has walked through their front door in over a week. I made a bee-line straight for the motorized carts and got in one and tried to hunch over and just get out of the entry way. I don't think I have ever seen a greeter in Wal-Mart with a more confused and slightly scared look on her face than the one I drove past. In fact, throughout the store, people would avoid looking at me until they were right even with me and then just turn and gape directly at me. That was kind of funny.

When I got in position in the pet food area, I filled my cart with dog food and started to wait. It hadn't been three minutes when over the loudspeaker I hear, "Security camera for men's wear, Security camera for men's wear!" I thought to myself, "Yep, we all must be getting in position. Let's just pray for no arrests."

I sat there for another 5 minutes when I see Shawn Wakefield trying to find a place to position himself in his disguise which consisted of...A HAT!!!! Are you kidding me???? That was pretty lame and he got an earful later, but anyway, he looked right at me, but I could tell he didn't recognize me as he started into the garden center. So I hunched over and slowly turned my cart into the garden center. As I wheeled in, I saw him walking and called out, "Wakefield!" He looked back and couldn't see anyone who would have called his name and kept right on walking. I followed him for a little while until he finally turned and looked at me, did a double take and then realized who I was. His response? "You have got to be kidding me?" No I don't suppose I am.

As it turned out, most of the leaders didn't go all out in the dress up department, but a few did. One of those who did was Tommy Nicholas. He is maybe thirty at best and has dark hair. He dressed himself up in a dirty gray wig with a baseball cap took a nebulizer and the facemask and wheeled himself around Wal-Mart in a wheelchair. He also added a bit of weight to his physique. He looked awesome. He wheeled himself up to a few people he knew and none of them recognized him and he basically made them uncomfortable for a few minutes until he finally would reveal himself. He even went up to one individual and said, "Hey, remember me?" That poor man tried to pretend that he in fact did remember this individual and was asking how he was doing when Tommy finally told him who he was. He didn't find it near as funny as we all did later on. Another good one was Nathan Smith who dressed up as a very large fat lady. He even went with the makeup and everything. I didn't get a picture of him, but I heard he looked awesome. The funny story there is he looked real enough that most people were buying the character. So when he went to leave, he wanted a Coke and went to the check out. He felt around and realized he had no cash and so explained to the cashier that he only had a debit card. Apparently when he started talking, the cashier looked up at him quickly in horror. I would love to know what story that lady's family was told that night. Meanwhile, Rhett was so believable, that several of the youth walked right past him including his own son who looked him square in the face and didn't give him a second thought. This was a pretty good activity.

I couldn't bring myself to ride that cart back through the entrance dressed as I was, so I ended up making the switch in the dog food area and stuffed the whole outfit in my purse. It was still pretty embarrassing to have to ride that cart to the front of the store as a 36 year old man with a purse, but I will take that again as opposed to the old lady who got more stares than if Brad Pitt were to have walked through the door.

Below are some of the pictures of the different leaders "Where's Waldo?" outfits. I would love to do this again. But I have dibs on the homeless guy character. At least I wouldn't have to actually make it in the store.

My New Love Affair and The Greatest Songs Ever

A follow up to my last post...Shannon spoke in church last Sunday. She did an outstanding job. The bishop got very brave and decided to ask all of the bishopric wives to speak. Bravery is subjective however. He was too afraid to ask his wife over the kitchen table, so he had Rhett and I come into his office with him while he asked his wife. I suppose a good old fashioned beat down would have been out of the question with witnesses right there. Anyway, they did such a good job that I can honestly say it was one of the best sacrament meetings I have ever been to. Plus I didn't have to use my one freebie that she promised me should I have trouble getting a speaker at some point.

So, after the last post where I brag about my wonderful wife, it is with sad heart that I admit the following. I haven't been completely faithful to her recently. A new object of my affections has emerged and I find myself making excuses to slip away and spend time with my new love. Now granted the excuses I find generally include me having to get something from Bashas' or making a dreaded Wal-Mart trip, but I am so madly in love that I have lost all sense of right and wrong. I mean voluntarily going to Wal-Mart? The madness must end!



I am speaking of course of our new family member. Not Buddy, but Silver. As in Silverado, Chevy Silverado. Silver joined our family three weeks ago and suddenly I find myself volunteering to go get Abby at gymnastics, "forgetting" to get dog food so I can make another trip to get more and other pathetic excuses for driving without a real need. The funny part is that I was told by Tommy Nicholas in my ward that my manly points went up by four just by getting a truck and getting out of my little Saturn (an aside...that Saturn has served us well for nine years and almost 140,000 miles. Getting a new vehicle was inevitable, but that car was awesome), but the funny thing is, I don't think I have hauled much in the back of my truck. I think I might lose some of those manly points if people knew that what I am enjoying most with this truck is playing with the XM radio that comes with it as well as the On-Star features. Basically, the truck is one big phone. When I set up On-Star on the way home from buying the truck, Braden was in the back seat. I think his little mind nearly exploded when he realized I could hold a conversation with someone through the speakers of the truck. I give Braden a hard time about being obsessed with technology but...I called Heath the other night without much cause...ok...no cause really, I just wanted to play with the phone calling features. I suppose this technology obsession might just be a family trait thing.



Of course no one is allowed to eat in it and only adults are allowed to drink beverages other than water in it. (I suppoooossse that Shannon's M&Ms don't count.) Shannon thinks I am obsessive. I know I am. And the point of is??? Shannon asked if she was going to get to drive it. I explained that was a silly question. It is OUR truck. Of course she could drive it a quarter mile down the road to see Melinda as long as she was back in ten minutes and signed a ten page liability statement stating that the family would forego basic necessities for a year to help pay for any damage that should come to the truck while she was driving it. If Shannon weren't such a refined lady, I think she would have shot me the finger as she grabbed the keys on her way out the door while stating, "I'll be back when I get back." (This story has been slightly embellished, but the spirit of the exchange is intact.)



Now since getting the truck, as mentioned, I have been enjoying a reconnecting with satellite radio. One thing I learned on XM the other day was that Jason Mraz's song "I'm Yours" just recently broke the record for the amount of time one song has lasted on the Billboard top 100. It has been there 70 weeks. The discussion went on about the greatest songs of all time. It made me think, what do I consider the greatest songs of all time. Well, I compiled a list of what I think are the 5 greatest songs ever. Now a couple of disclaimers. First, this list could easily change for me. I am sure someone could point out a song and I would go "Oh Yeah!!!", but at this point, these are the top. Second, this list is only contemporary popular type songs. Clearly the composition skills of the songwriters who wrote these songs don't compare with a Brahm or a Beethoven. Just wanted to be clear before someone commented that "How could you overlook The Hallelujah Chorus?" I didn't overlook it, I just didn't include that whole genre. Anyway, here are my choices:

5. Sad Songs (Say It So Much) - Elton John: When this song came out, it was my favorite. I still hear it and love it every time. I am really not a big Elton John fan, but this song strikes a chord with me that is somewhat timeless. That is a big consideration for me when it comes to this list. It is also the only Elton John song where I don't want to check to make sure my iPod isn't skipping when the song is winging down because Elton John doesn't know how to end a song. He just keeps repeating the same words over and over and over...you get the picture. That quality alone almost got this song bumped, but...

4. Always On My Mind - Willie Nelson: For the record, I hate Willie Nelson. That makes it really strange that of my top five greatest songs ever list, #5 and #4 would be by artists I don't really care for. However, this song is as heartfelt and true emotion song as I am aware of. This does not apply to the Pet Shop Boys version. I wish someone would remake this song with the same slow tempo and soul searching sound without the nasal quality that unfortunately comes with any Willie Nelson song.

3. Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry: The first great guitar rock song is still the best. If you think about it, all heavy metal, guitar driven country and guitar heavy pop artists got their inspiration from Chuck Berry. If you disagree, I would point you to the original Back To The Future...see, you can't really argue with it can you? This song still makes me want to get up and move. You can all rest easy that I don't get up and move as that would be highly embarrassing, but it still makes me want to. Thanks dad for the education on good rock music at an early age. I know my love of country disappoints you still, but I did listen somewhat.

2. You Can't Hurry Love - The Supremes: If you want a testament to this song's greatness, look at the fact that it has been remade many, many times and yet, to my knowledge, no one has really changed the song. They add their own vocal style, but the tempo, the instrumentation and the basic song sound almost exactly the same. It is hard to improve upon greatness.

1. When You Say Nothing At All - Any Version: When it first came out by Keith Whitley, it was a great song. Yet it seems that each remake only seems to get better. Alison Krauss slowed it down and it was incredible and then the guy who sang it for Notting Hill jazzed it up a bit and it was just as emotional. I love this song!!! One of my wife's favorite songs ever is "Endless Love" because she thinks the words are so romantic and that that is very important. I agree and think this song's words are even more effective while combined with an unbelievable tune.

So there they are. I dare you to argue with me. I realize that there are some notable songs that are not there. For instance, Yesterday by the Beatles is the most recorded song of all time. One problem. I hate the song Yesterday. Therefore, it couldn't make my list. Any song by Elvis. Well, I have been mentally scarred by the image of an older Elvis sweating profusely in a white jumpsuit while singing. I am sorry, I just can't get past that and therefore he is omitted. Anyone is more than welcome to tell me where I am wrong, but I reserve the right to have totally stupid arguments that may make no sense to anyone but me, but then I am the final arbitor so...I will win said arguments. For instance, Imagine by John Lennon. The words in theory are great, but it is totally unrealistic and he uses the phrase "no religion". Therefore...checking with the final arbitor...it is out. See how that works? I am going to see if I can get a show on XM and do a countdown based on this list. It certainly would be better than half the shows that exist on XM.

Talking Up My Better Half

I really like that poster above. It makes me laugh. But over the last couple of weeks, certain events have made me realize how much I want to be the one learning from mistakes and not be the one providing a clear path of what not to do for others who follow.

I am coming to a realization that what I have with Shannon is not necessarily the norm. I am truly blessed and lucky to have the wife I have and the relationship that we have. We enjoy being together. We enjoy visiting with each other. We are getting ready to pull a quick down and back to the temple tomorrow and I am looking forward to the time spent on the drive just getting to talk with Shannon without the constant, "Mom, mom, mom, I need a drink." or "Mom, mom, mom...ummmm how much longer do we have to be in the car?" I am not sure why three moms are needed or why everything must be said at a decible level that causes dogs in passing cars to look at us in horror, but apparently it is necessary. I have had great friends in my life. Jared, Brad, Eric and Brandon in high school. Chris, Gary, Spencer, Preston, Mike and Toby in College and Heath, Spencer, Danny, Phil and Rhett as an adult (among many others). I couldn't ask for better friends. But I have never had a better friend than Shannon. There have been times when I have struggled to see what my worth is in this world, but she has never doubted in me. Or at least if she has, she hides it incredibly well.

So today, even though it is not an anniversary, birthday, time honored day we both treasure or anything else special, I want to reflect on some of the best memories we have made over the last 13 and a 1/2 years together. For every one mentioned, there are probably 20 to 30 I have left out that are just as good, but it is a blog post, not a novel. Here goes:

-On our wedding night, we got to the hotel and were told because of our ages, we couldn't just pay the rate to stay in the room, but we actually had to have a $250 deposit. Neither one of us had a credit card nor did we have the cash on hand. So began the mad dash looking for a Bank One ATM. At that time, you couldn't hardly spit and not hit one, but not that night. We drove for several miles before we finally found one. Talk about taking a pressure filled evening and adding just that extra bit of stress. On a side note, we were in room 711. The double entendres regarding convenience stores were limitless. I could just imagine my friend Spencer Bigler having a field day with that.

-In our first apartment, we lived less than half a mile from an Olive Garden and ate there at least once a week. Those were awesome times. However, one night, my paycheck had not cleared through the bank and so my bank card was rejected. We scraped together whatever cash we could, but the best we could do was pay for our food with absolutely nothing left for the tip. Our waiter wasn't very good anyway, but we were so embarrassed, I don't think we went back for at least two weeks. He wasn't there when we returned and we never saw him again.

-The night Abby was born was awesome. So many memories including: Laying down to go to sleep and just as I hit that wonderful state of nirvana, Shannon shaking me awake saying, "I think my water just broke." Boy was that an understatement. Then we get to the hospital and the nurse poking her head around the corner and asking what we wanted. After telling her we were having a baby, she said, "What makes you so sure?" Then the patosin (sp?). We were both so exhausted that we would fall asleep until the next contraction hit and then she would wake up and be very mad at me if I wasn't fully alert and monitoring the contraction's progress. A couple of times she asked me if it was going down and caught me answering with my eyes closed. She was not appreciative.

-Bathroom stops on the way to Disneyland. These have been the source of some great memories that began with our 5 year anniversary trip to Disneyland and stopping in Quartzsite. Never a worse hole have we found than that first one. That was followed by the one with an inch of water on the floor with Abby, then the 95 mile an hour desparation drive to the road-side rest stop with Abby and then finally culminting with the bathroom that wasn't during the traffic jam on I-10. The less I say about that one, the better it will be for me later on. We hadn't had a good memory to rival those until our quest for a bathroom on the stretch from Yarnell, AZ to Quartzsite, AZ which we have chronicled on this site back in March. But it bears repeating that as my poor wife was dying in the passenger seat, we would actually pass a sign that says, "You are beyond Hope." True irony.

-My wife has had a few mishaps in our vehicles. One time, she ran into a six inch wide concrete post that was painted yellow. She didn't tell me about it because she knew I would be upset. The fatal flaw in her plan was when I noticed the bright yellow paint on the front bumper of our car. The idea of running into a concrete post and then not telling me about it? Yeah, that didn't make me upset at all. I have to hand it to her though. She held the gloating to a minimum the night we pulled into our garage and I thought my foot was on the brake but instead it was actually the gas and I tapped it and sent our van right through the wall of our garage. The one thing she couldn't hold back saying though was, "I am so glad it was you finally."

-I have said it before, but I will never be able to fully thank her for all she did with the year of my mother's illness and then her passing.

Now we are in a new stage of life and she continues to amaze me. For the last three months, Shannon has had to take on more than her share of the responsibilities around the house. I am sure there are some weeks she feels almost like a single mother. I feel bad about that. We used to work together to get the kids ready for church and now that falls mainly to her. She has to keep track of them all by herself in church because the evil eye from dad only works part of the time and that is only if you can get the kids to look at you in the first place. I love her. I am amazed by her. And I am looking forward to seeing where our lives go from here. But I am certain of one thing. Wherever my life goes, it will only be at its best when she is there with me.