Hawaii Trip Day 2: Are My Legs Supposed To Be Sideways?

5:45 a.m. - As I lay in bed now suddenly awake, I realize that even though the clock says it is 5:45, my body probably still thinks it is 8:45 and will probably not go back to sleep. So I get up and put my swimming suit on and sneak outside so I won't wake Shannon up. If I do that on vacation before she is ready...let's just say I don't wake Shannon up before she is ready on vacation. I walk out to the beach and...I am completely by myself. I can see one jogger four hotels away, but that is it. I have the world famous Kaanapali Beach all to myself. Pretty Cool!!!

6:15 a.m. - I am now sitting right at the point where the water breaks on the shore and loving it. I am constantly having to look around to make sure no one has come and is watching me, because I am acting like a 5 year old and letting the water wash me up the beach and just laughing the whole time. Not once do I feel seaweed and the water is perfect. San Diego and LA, you are now dead to me.

6:30 a.m. - Head back up to the room and reach for the room key only to discover...an angry sea has claimed my room key. Actually it has claimed both of my room keys because for some idiotic reason I took them both with me. So now, we have no room keys. Hope Shannon has woken up at this point.

6:45 a.m. - Learn that Maui sand is extremely sticky. I can point a shower head directly at it and it will not de-attach itself from skin. Also, I have apparently brought much more with me than I had anticipated. We now have our own personal beach in the bottom of our bathtub. I am climbing the charts with a bullet when it comes to the maid's favorite guest award.

7:20 a.m. - Get to make the walk of shame to the front desk and admit that both of our room keys are probably half way to Lanai. With an exasperated sigh, the front desk lady lets me know I am not the first. Her body language indicates I may be the dumbest though. I get my cards and get out fast.

7:50 a.m. - Before we left, Rhett had told me about how one of his favorite things about Maui was the breakfasts with all the fresh fruit that you just can't get in Arizona. My mouth would water with his tales of pineapply goodness and mango ecstasy...(Ok, he told me it was really good and I thought it sounded good. That is about as far as it goes. So everyone can erase those visions of he and I salivating all over ourselves while taking the tithing to the bank on a Sunday afternoon. It just didn't happen...or did it???) So, for our first breakfast we walk over to a shopping area called the Whaler's village and...McDonald's is the only thing open. To top it off, they don't even sell a pineapple McMuffin, they just charge two dollars more for the sausage McMuffin I can get in Safford. Unfortunately, we have to eat and get going to make it to our morning appointment with the zipline. I am not going to lie. I was a little disappointed in us at that moment.

8:32 a.m. - We are on the road to Makawao where the zip line folks at Piiholo Ranch operate. We might be running a little late for our 9:30 check in time, but we should be fine. The only thing that could really cause us any problem would be...

8:39 a.m. - ...getting stuck behind a bus on a two lane road where passing is not really allowed. Should have taken island time into the equation.

9:05 a.m. - As we continue to get closer to Makawao, we can't help but notice the increasingly black looking clouds that are building directly where we seem to be headed. Also, I misunderstood the GPS and ended up on the wrong road. This could be due to the fact that it is Braden's GPS (don't ask) and he has converted the readings from standard to Metric. The only issue with that is that Mr. GPS voice can't say meters clearly and it sounds like inches. (I am fully aware that those two words sound nothing alike. Now you are starting to understand my frustration when the GPS indicated I should turn in 400 inches.) I now need to make a u-turn. Which brings up a small problem that exists in Maui. At no point is anyone allowed to make a U-turn. In fact, it appears that about 90% of the left hand turns that one would need to make to correct a navigational error are also illegal. Good crap, what is a person supposed to do???

9:07 a.m. - Break the law.

9:24 a.m. - We have made it to Makawao. We are doing great. We should be completely fine. The only thing that could possibly mess us up would be...

9:25 a.m. - road contruction in the middle of town.

9:33 a.m. - Fortunately, it wasn't overly serious construction and we arrive almost on time. We check in and go back and forth on which cameras to bring with us as we continue to watch the black clouds pour over the top of us. We decide to go with my droid's camera...after five or six trips to the car.

9:36 a.m. - Logan goes pee for the first time.

9:57 a.m. - Our guide is ready to start handing out our gear, but wait...Logan has gone pee for the second time.

10:06 a.m. - In the course of getting my gear on, I somehow drop my hotel key (yes, my new hotel key) on the ground. Fortunately, someone in our group found it and I was able to get it back, allowing me to avoid an additional visit to the front desk lady, who, to be completely honest, scares me just a little bit.

10:18 a.m. - After all of the gear has been handed out and instructions given, we are ready to go ziplining. But first you have to cross a suspension bridge that wobbles pretty good. I have to admit after getting 10 feet out on the 100 foot bridge, I thought we might lose Shannon before we ever got started. Suspensions bridges are just not her thing. However, in other news, she needs to use the bathroom again.

10:30 a.m. - First zipline is the bunny hill. You climb up a tower that is about 45 feet in the air and then zip across a meadow. Very tame. Unfortunately, my poor wife who has a thing about heights (So you ziplined why??? you may be asking) is freaking just a little bit. Fortunately she is a good sport and off we go and it is...AWESOME!!!!!!!





10:42 a.m. - While waiting for everyone to finish, we talk with everyone else in our group only to discover that we are in with a group of Canadians. All of the other four couples are from Canada just by coincidence. We also learn we don't know how to vacation. One other couple is there for two weeks and then it goes up from there to one couple who is there for six weeks. What were thinking? Oh yeah, we have jobs, children and not enough money to stay for six weeks. Oh well.

10:52 a.m. - Ok, now we are getting serious. The second line is quite a bit longer and we are about 200 feet in the air at some points. Amazingly, after our first experience, Shannon never looks back and doesn't seem scared at all.





11:58 a.m. - Getting ready for our fourth line, Shannon sees a sign she thinks is just hilarious. I personally think it has merit.



12:21 p.m. - After the fourth line, they put us in vehicles and take us to the top of a high peak for the final mahamalama line. That is not an actual Hawaiian word, just a jibberish word I personally like to use when describing something a little massive and over the top. Before we start, we take some moments to appreciate the view.



12:30 p.m. - The final line is a half mile long and at one point, you are 690 feet above the ground. There aren't words to describe how cool this was. The picture below is taken from a platform right next to the beginning of this line. As we start, it quickly becomes apparent that this last line is a little...a lot more intimidating than the last four. You are seriously up there. Also, at this point, the rain has picked up again and the wind is coming at us from the left hand side. This causes my first real bit of panic as it is blowing my legs to the right and I can't keep them pointed straight. I can hear the rollers scraping on the cable from the pressure of my body pulling it to the side. I now truly start to contemplate what would happen if the harness were to fail at this point. Not enjoying that moment of contemplation, I try to put it out of my head and enjoy the final quarter mile of our ziplining experience. I do and am ready to jump right back up and do it again when it is over. Shannon and I both just loved this experience and would definitely do it again. However, after talking with one of the couples in our group, we will check out the company first. The company we zipped with had all kinds of good equipment. The one she had done previously in Mexico, they gave them gloves with padding and told them to grab the cable to stop themselves. And there was a mattress on a tree at the end of the line. That is a little too adventurous for me.



1:23 p.m. - After leaving Piiholo Ranch and saying goodbye to our new Canadian friends (and a trip to the bathroom for Logan), we headed back in to Makawao and look for a place to eat lunch. There is a Mexican restaurant that looks like a complete dive, but for some reason, we are both craving Mexican food. We decide to give it a try while not holding out much hope.





1:32 p.m. - So much for our snooty Arizona Mexican food snobbery. This place is incredible. I have the shrimp and fish burrito while Shannon has the shrimp and fish enchilada. And the salsa is made fresh each morning and is wonderful. This clearly appears to be a local hangout though as we do not look the part. I am the only male in the whole place with a shirt that has sleeves. I was half tempted to rip my sleeves off right there to fit in better, but then realized that my farmer's tan would make it appear that I actually did still have sleeves on. Plus, if I had done that, it really would have put the pressure on Shannon as every woman there had on a tank top. Who knew our t-shirt and jeans combo would have us completely over dressed for the establishment.

1:35 p.m. - Logan pees again.

2:12 p.m. - We finish lunch and...Logan needs to pee again. We have the circular discussion that goes something like, "You have to go again?" "I drink a lot of water." It is at this point in the discussion where I believe the obvious has just been asked and answered. So pointing out that...then...maybe you shouldn't drink so much water is pointless because I know I will just get that rolling eye look that implies that I am such a moron. I know in my heart that my reasoning is sound, but I do want to avoid the eye rolling look as much as possible this trip.

2:30 p.m. - Driving back, we call our kids. When Shannon asks Kate if she is being nice to Tristin, she replies, "I don't like her." Shannon then asks, "Can you be nice to her?" to which Kate responds, "Ok, bye."

2:46 p.m. - Not yet 24 hours in Maui and...second trip to Wal-Mart. GOOD GOSH!!!!

3:58 p.m. - Head out to the beach and swim in the ocean. When we come back to the room, we add an additional gallon or two of sand to our own bathtub beach as we get ready to go into Lahaina for our dinner show.

5:55 p.m. - Get to Lahaina and report in to Warren and Annabelle's. This is a dinner theater where the main attraction is...a magic show. We decided to see it based on Rhett and Alysia Dodge's recommendation. When Rhett told us about it, he said, "I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is really cool." He better be right.

6:30 p.m. - The parlor area where you wait is tastefully decorated and is centered around a piano where the local "ghost" will play any song that is called out by the audience to the hostess who then tells the "ghost" what to play. I called out "Dude Looks Like A Lady" but the hostess either didn't hear me or...something.

We are clearly bringing the average age in the room down by a couple years all by ourselves. The majority of the room is 60 plus and apparently on their second or third marriages. Not all of them though. One couple is celebrating their 50 something wedding anniversary. Pretty impressive. Pretty old.

It is at this point that I notice the manager is taking a little too much of an interest in us and sure enough, he comes over and asks if we will help with the show. Because I am apparently that sucker who was born that minute, I said yes. Oh heavens how I relive that moment in my nightmares over and over.

6:55 p.m. - We move into the theater and because we have agreed to help, we get seats in the front row. This magician uses no smoke, mirrors or other gimmicks, he is apparently going to be 3 feet from us the entire time.

7:02 p.m. - Show begins and this guy is really funny and REALLY good. Unfortunately, he is also a superb showman which means that he needs a good foil to pick on...oh wait, that is me. He does a card trick where four of us in the front row take a card and then we are supposed to put it back in the deck. When he comes to me, he holds the cards in a way that I couldn't put the card anywhere but back on top. As soon as I do that, he stops and looks at me and says, "Buddy, this trick ain't gonna be that hard if I know where the card is. You are supposed to put it in the middle. Folks, I think we found Gomer this evening." And yes, Gomer was my name, the rest of the evening.

7:45 p.m. - I can honestly say, I have not laughed this hard in a long time. This really is the best show. I don't even mind being the "stupid" one for the show because that means I get to be right there and watch him and...he is incredible. I won't spoil any of the tricks in case someone decides to go, but suffice it to say that Shannon and I were part of several tricks that...I have no idea how he could possibly do what he did including changing something that was RIGHT INSIDE SHANNON'S HAND!!! I am not kidding. We have wondered about that one for hours.

8:42 p.m. - Towards the end of the show, he needs an additional bottle of water and he asks if I will go get him one. He even invites me to get one for myself. Warning bells begin to go off in the back of my head. I get to the bar and ask for the waters and the bartender insists I have a drink on him and one for my wife since they should have had water available for the star of the show. I can sense this is not going to end well for me, but there is no way out and so I go back in with Warren's water and Shannon's drink and my drink (which hopefully I don't have to say were of the virgin variety.) He pounces on me like a lion on a defenseless zebra. "I said get yourself a water. That doesn't look like water. Did you pay for those drinks. Oh the bartender did. Whose name appears on the front of this theater? Yeah, not the bartender, mine. So who do you think actually paid for those drinks. That's right, me. But believe me, you'll pay..." That final statement doesn't bring me much comfort. Also, while I was gone, he discovered we are LDS and has some fun with the fact that we have drinks from the bar. His exact words were, "There will some phone calls to the Tabernacle tonight." Through all of this, I can't even answer him because I am laughing too hard. Sure enough, within fifteen minutes, I have paid for those drinks...Big Time! Again, not to ruin the show for anyone, but I truly hate the word Papaya now with all of my being.



9:10 p.m. - After the show, we get with two of the three other couples who were on the front row with us and as it turned out, we were all LDS. We laughed it out and separated to go home.

9:45 p.m. - Get back to hotel and immediately get ready for bed as we have to leave our hotel room at 6:00 a.m. to catch a flight to Oahu the next day. But Warren was right when just before he did one trick, he said, "Now this one is gonna keep you up at night." He was right. I couldn't help lying there for 10 minutes or so trying to figure how that stupid trick was possible. I have come to the conclusion that Warren at some point sold his soul to the devil. There is no other explanation.

Hawaii Trip Day 1: I Know, Let's Kick The Crazy Lady

Since it is now a tradition in our family to blog each day of a vacation, (we do this so we can have a solid recollection of our trips and be able to go back and read about them as a family later on) I begin the daily recaps of the recent trip Shannon and I took to Maui and Oahu, HI. We took this trip to celebrate our 15th anniversary which occured this last January. I have always done these posts in a time specific manner. I will attempt that here, but know that it will not be exact, or in some cases, even that close. Since there are times when I wasn't even sure what day it was, it would be ridiculous to hint that I was always aware of the exact times that things occur. The following are only my best attempts at recollection:

7:15 a.m. - Lamar drives Shannon and I to the airport. It is right in the midst of rush hour. I would make some joke here, but frankly, there is nothing funny at all about rush hour.

8:07 a.m. - After getting three kids through security for our trip to Florida, we are now seasoned pros at getting through security in a timely manner. However, we did have the opportunity to be screened by the new show you naked security screeners. As long as I don't have to know what the picture looks like, seemed pretty harmless to me. Now we have an hour and a half to sit and wait for the plane. It seems so pointless to come two hours early to the airport and then sit and wait forever. (Ominous foreshadowing music begins to play, stay tuned.)

9:10 a.m. - Shannon's last visit to the bathroom before we board is highlighted by a 50 something year old woman crawling out from under the door of the bathroom stall on her belly, claiming she couldn't get the latch undone. I think I would have exhausted every attempt at fake karate in my arsenal before I would contemplate getting down on my stomach in an airport bathroom. (I pause to shudder)

9:32 a.m. - We get situated on the plane and the first thing Shannon does is go straight to the Sky Mall magazine. I cannot for the life of me figure out her fascination with this publication. I have never seen such a load of crap in my life. Yes there are some really different and unique inventions that would be cool. But everything is so pointless. After a few minutes of enduring my own personal QVC channel, I put my earbuds in and turn on the ipod. I am so glad this time away from our kids is giving us this time to communicate so freely with each other.

11:48 a.m. - Arrive in San Francisco without incident but find that our flight to Kahului, Maui has been delayed by two hours. That means we get to spend 4 hours in the San Francisco airport. We are dressed for Maui. The San Fran airport is not Maui. It more resembles the arctic circle. This is going to be a long four hours.

12:35 p.m. - As the gate area gets more and more crowded with those who are scheduled to be on our flight, the natives begin to get restless. Some poor ticket agent made the mistake of mentioning that some snacks might be provided during the wait. Well, the dogs set on him like a shiny slab of porterhouse steak. One woman began demanding that her "snack" should be free mai tai's. Yes, that is what we need. Let's add alcohol to this situation. I don't get people sometimes. There was quite a demand to know when these snacks would arrive when we all know they are going to be crap airplane stuff. But because it is free crap airplane stuff, people want it and they want it NOW!

12:50 p.m. - Mai tai lady thinks since we are all headed to Hawaii and they aren't providing free mai tais, that she will help the situation by playing Hawaiian music she has stored on her phone at full volume. This does not prove to be the hit I think she was hoping for, but then again, she could not seem to care less and so Don Ho it is for all of us. I sincerely hope she isn't staying at our hotel.

3:01 p.m. - With 15 minutes until boarding time, Shannon finds a place she could have had a pedicure done while she waited, but now we are out of time. Darn it. From my back pocket, our already heating up credit card gives a quiet sigh of relief.

4:10 p.m. - We get into the air and the pilot turns off the seat belt sign. I am very impressed with Shannon. She has had a very tough time with the fact that we would be flying over the ocean. That is big time fear of hers and she has faced it very well so far. However, I can't say the same for this lady who immediately stands up and walks to the back of the plane looking very anxious.

4:12 p.m. - Same lady walks down the other aisle back to the front of the plane.

4:15 p.m. - Wait, here she comes again. When she gets to the back of the plane, it takes a minute or so before the steward comes over the loud speaker asking if there is any medical personnel on the plane. All of this is doing wonders for Shannon's mental stability.

5:18 p.m. - In flight movie begins. It is Country Strong with Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim McGraw. I thought it looked stupid so I choose not to watch it.

6:09 p.m. - The anxious/crazy lady is now just doing laps around the plane. So what does Shannon do? She kicks her. Oh I am sure that will help the situation. Ok, so she didn't mean to kick her and she apologized. But seriously, at this point, I think we should be taking any precautions necessary to avoid causing any problems for this woman.

6:21 p.m. - They are having an in-flight contest to see who can guess the exact minute that we hit the half-way point to Hawaii. The winner gets a CD of Hawaiian music. YEAH!!! Thanks to mai tai lady, I think I am going to give this contest a pass.

7:09 p.m. - Even without listening in and only watching bits and pieces, I am feeling pretty good about my belief that Country Strong is stupid. From what I can tell, Gwyneth Paltrow spends the entire movie singing, crying and depressed, drinking, singing while crying and depressed, crying and depressed while drinking or in bed in her underwear doing all of the above including singing. How could this movie have bombed? I just don't get it.

5:10 p.m. - Hey, we have made it safely to Maui. With the three hour time difference, it is still light outside. We know we are not in Kansas anymore when we get off the plane and discover that the airport is open air. And perfect!!!

5:37 p.m. - I have looked forward to this trip for months. We have traveled hundreds, maybe even thousands of miles. All of my hopes and dreams are caught up in this amazing trip we have just embarked on. And what is the first thing we do when we arrive...??? That's right, we go to Wal-Mart. I am not kidding. Now there is a good reason. We know that stopping here will get us beach chairs and water shoes and stuff for a much cheaper price than we would pay when we get to our final destination, but seriously...WAL-MART? You will be happy to know, it looks exactly the same there as it does anywhere. And just to make us really feel at home, I am shopping and pass by a local with a shirt on that is 3 sizes to small so that we can see his gut hanging over his pants and when passes me, I am thrilled to discover that he is also giving us a view of a partial lunar eclipse without even bending over. AAAAHHHHH!!!!! Shannon dubs him our Hawaiian version of a red neck. Wal-Mart in the spring, it's universal.

6:32 p.m. - Yes, we did spend almost an hour in Wal-Mart and now we need to find someplace to eat. We find a little diner open called Da Kitchen. It is fantastic. I have Garlic Shrimp Fried Rice(Really warming up for that romantic week we are going to have) and Shannon has some Korean Noodles dish. It is soooo good. The only frightening thing is that the waitresses, while friendly, all wear tank tops and are extremely buff. If this is how every local female looks, I am set to feel highly intimidated and emasculated this entire trip as any one of the waitresses could easily have kicked my butt at any point during dinner.



7:41 p.m. - It is now time to begin the 45 minute drive out to our hotel in Lahaina. I am sure it is a beautiful drive, but it is now dark so we could be driving in New Mexico on our way to Virden for all I know. It makes me realize though how many places I have been where my first experience driving in a new locale has occured at night when I can't see any thing. Here is a list that may or may not be complete: Maui, Chicago, Atlanta (all the way to South Carolina), Gaerwyn Wales, Orlando.

8:34 p.m. - Arrive at our hotel and the lobby is also open air. We are greeted with shell leis and are assigned our room. Negative, miles away from an elevator and on the fifth floor. Positive, 25 feet from the beach and a balcony that overlooks the beach. We will take it. The picture at the top of the post is the view right outside of our room.

8:45 p.m. - We take a night time walk on the beach and the sand is softer than anything I have ever experienced before. This is going to be good.

10:30 p.m. - We are ready for bed. One reason we have the room that we have is they ran out of King size bed rooms. So we were upgraded to a deluxe ocean view room that has two double beds. I am sure they thought we would be disappointed. Boy were they wrong. We just majorly scored. We get an upgraded room with a bigger bathroom AND I don't have to be kicked out of my own bed for this entire trip. Life is very good.

The Gilmore Guys

I am not sure when it happened, but at some point over the last couple months, it appears I morphed into a teenage girl. This does not give me any pleasure and I am still checking into whether it is reversable or not, but it appears to have happened none the less. My evidence is:

A. I recently downloaded four (count them, FOUR) Taylor Swift songs onto my ipod. I know, I know. Next thing you know I will be doing that adorable (echhh) little heart thing with my fingers to my kids as they leave for school each morning or writing songs about Shannon every time she ticks me off. But doggone it, I really kind of like some of her tunes. Can someone please help me?

B. At the suggestion of my cousin and his wife, Shannon and I started watching The Gilmore Girls on DVD. When I suggested this to Shannon her initial reaction was, "Really? That doesn't strike me as a show you would be interested in." She apparently couldn't be more wrong. I am now looking up on-line availability at the Independence Inn in Stars Hollow, CT for our next vacation.

Ok, it isn't that severe, but I was at lunch with several people that I work with and I mentioned that I was watching this show and another lady said, "Oh yeah, that is a pretty good show. I started watching it when my 11 year old daughter got me into it." So apparently, I am lining up well with the 10-25 year old female demographic. At least it is a more appealing demographic to advertisers than the fat, bald white males over 35 demo I am actually in.

But actually, this show has been really interesting to me as it deals really well with the generational issues in our society. From the sarcasm that so afflicts my generation (Gen X) to the reality that the younger folks born after 1980 (Gen Y) actually relate better to their grandparents (Baby Boomers) than we their own children do. For those who are unfamiliar with the premise of this show, a 32 year old woman is forced to re-establish connections with her blue blood parents after years of self banishment. Sixteen years in fact because that is when she got pregnant in high school with her daughter. The situation that forces this reconnection is that her incredibly intelligent daughter is accepted to a very prestigious and very expensive prep school. So in order to pay her entrance fee, she has to beg money from her parents who in turn require her to let them be a part of her and her daughter's life in return. It can be a very funny show, but with undercurrents like that, it can get pretty serious pretty fast.

And that leads me to an episode we watched the other night, where the main character, Loralie, gets engaged. At the same time as her engagement, her daughter Rory invites her new boyfriend over to dinner with the grandparents. It doesn't go well and the grandfather ends up attacking the boy verbally. This doesn't go over well with Rory and she is of course very angry at her grandfather. While everyone is stewing over the fall out of this dinner, Loralie's mother gets a call from a friend of Loralie's asking if she wants to be a part of their engagement party. The problem is that Loralie hadn't actually told her parents yet about her engagement. Aren't television writers good at creating tangled webs of intrigue? Following that phone conversation, the grandmother marches into the grandfather's office and tells him he will fix this issue with Rory immediately. He will call and apologize, even beg for forgiveness if necessary. He is affronted and demands to know why on earth he would do such a thing. She informs him that when Rory gets engaged, she wants her to actually tell them that she is engaged. He is confused and asks what the heck she is talking about. She replies, "Our daughter is engaged, and she didn't tell us." She then leaves the room and once outside, slumps under the reality of what has just happened. When I watched this scene, I started to laugh at the beginning and yet by the end, I was truly saddened. Because, while it is fiction, it is safe to say that many family relationships have gone through similar trials that carry the same weight of regret. Including my own.

Immediately, I started to think of all that had occured over the last fifteen years. Ok, probably even more than that. You see, my mother and my brother have always had a unique relationship. They truly loved each other, but they had a unique ability to push each other's buttons unlike anyone else. That reality was established in our formative years. Whether they enjoyed it or not, they always were able to engage in vigorous debate. I always hated that. But it was our reality.

After we all grew up and I had just gotten engaged to Shannon, Jerry sent a letter to my parents informing them he was gay. My mother took it very hard. She cried a lot and questioned herself as a parent. There was the "how do we handle this" discussion and the difficult task for my parents of informing extended family members. They really struggled. I was about to say I probably was not as supportive as I should have been, but the reality is, I definitely was not as supportive as I should have been to both my mother or my brother. I was starting a new life in Mesa with a new wife and not a lot of time to think between a full time job and being a full time student at ASU. So I was not privy to a lot of the communication between my brother and parents at that time. That is probably for the best.

I suppose I should mention that I never took Jerry's orientation as hard as my parents did. To me it just was. You see, I had harbored a secret dream away from my entire family my whole life. And unfortunately, my reaction to this revelation was much more self-centered than it should have been. All of my friends in high school had close relationships with their brothers, or at least it appeared that way to me. In my mind, I romanticized the family relationships of my good friends and always felt cheated when it appeared I didn't have the same. (I have since come to realize my view of the "perfect" family situation doesn't exist, but at 12, 14, 16 or even 22, I hadn't quite made that connection yet.) So from my point of view, I just wanted my parents to accept the situation and let's all be a happy family. Even if we have to pretend, just do it. I never voiced this opinion out loud and that is probably for the best as it became apparent through the years that I was the only one who would have been content in that scenario.

Anyway, through the years there would be periods where things seemed better and then there were times when things clearly seemed not better. There was the thawing that occured when my parents decided to let Kirt become part of our lives. There was the trip to Utah where we spent a good deal of time with them and the one time I can remember seeing the results of my brother's efforts in theater in Park City. (Just as vivid about that trip is Abby puking on the floor of a restaurant in Park City and the waiter bringing us a rag to clean it up. Good times.) Unfortunately, there would also be times where we wouldn't see Jerry for a while. There would be times when I would call my mom and she would tell me about a fight they had just had. It was very frustrating to me that they couldn't accept each other for who they were.

Finally, we had moved to Thatcher and it had been several years since I had seen Jerry. My mom called and said they had had a pretty big blow up and he was about done with us. She sent me an e-mail he had sent her that was pretty rough. In hind sight, she probably shouldn't have done that. Without being privy to all that had preceded it, it came across as pretty unfair to my mom. And it made me angry. My anger wasn't necessarily all directed at Jerry, but he was the person I could focus it on. My anger was more directed at the entire situation. Why couldn't we just move on? Why did we keep having to go through all of this over and over? As members of the LDS faith, we believe a certain way and Jerry sees it differently. That's it. The end. In my frustration, I wrote a long e-mail that just gave it with both barrels to my brother. I was very witty and cutting in a way that just let all of my emotions out. Fortunately, before I hit send, I stopped. I asked Shannon to read it. One of the great blessings of my life is my wife. She calmly asked me if this was what I really wanted to do. She pointed out to me the possible ramifications of sending that e-mail. As soon as she started to talk, I knew I wouldn't send it. My pride required me to pretend like I still might for a little bit, but I knew she was right. I erased it and sent a much shorter and less vitriolic version. Jerry responded and politely informed me that this was between him and my mother and he was correct. However, things did not look good for our family relationships going forward. And then things changed.

I don't remember exactly how long it was, but it wasn't long before my mom got her diagnosis of cancer. What is odd is how we all responded. My mom had actually had cancer five years earlier and at the time, none of us felt overly threatened by it. She was treated and pronounced cancer free and it never really was a worry. When it happened this time, I remember thinking to myself before we even really knew what was happening that this time was different. I prayed I was wrong, but I knew I wasn't. But once we were fairly certain that this was not going to be dealt with easily, our family dynamics started to change. For once, being right in an argument no longer mattered to anybody. I specifically remember one evening I was getting ready to go over to a family dinner at the Claridges when Jerry called and we talked for over 40 minutes about mom and all the things that were going on. Jerry and I had not talked on the phone for over 15 minutes in...maybe ever. It was a horrible topic of conversation, but one visit I cherish. From that time on, I am not aware of any family disagreements. Everyone just seemed to recognize that time together is so much more valuable than we realize. We had our first family photo in over 9 years. I was worried that the subject of whether Kirt should be in it would be an issue. I am so glad it wasn't. He is part of our family. Jerry came down many times in the final months. He was able to do something that I wasn't. Care for her. I wanted to, but fully accepting that role would have been to me a way of accepting what was happening. I didn't want to do that. I still don't. But Jerry wanted to do anything he could. Wanted to be there to give my dad a break. I am so grateful for the relationship my brother and mother had in the final months.





We are coming up on that time of year where it will be the anniversary of my mom's passing. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday that we had what we had. Don't get me wrong. I wish my mom was still here. But I am so grateful we had the time we had to say goodbye. To move beyond the feelings that had built up over time and see each other again as family first. Because I dread the thought of losing her the way we lost Shannon's dad. Sudden. Things would have been left undone and healing may not have had a chance to take place. It has allowed us in some ways to start again. My kids have gotten to know their uncles Jerry and Kirt. We have taken the time to travel to Utah and spend time together and they have travelled here. This is what I always wanted.

And mainly, when Jerry called me and told me that he and Kirt had started the process of adoption, I was glad he let us know. I would hate to have found myself in the position of Emily Gilmore. Having to deal with the reality that my brother was in the process of beginning a family, and because of a distant relationship, he didn't tell me.

If Jerry reads this, I hope he isn't offended by anything I have shared. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him and am glad he is my brother. How proud I am of him and especially how much I love him. I am really looking forward to being an uncle. I look forward to laughing at him as he discovers the unadvertised joys of parenthood. Laughing mostly in a supportive way with just a little in the "you have no idea what is coming" way. My only regret is that my mom won't be here to be grandma.

So, back to my teenage girl issues. As you can see I have also developed this inability to say anything in a short and concise manner. What?...I have always had that problem. Ok, point well taken. Anyway, in other news our family recently traveled to a family reunion in Phoenix. It was a beautiful day and some pictures can be found below. Also, we are almost done enclosing our garage and here are some before and current pictures of our progress.

Satan's Master Plan Has Mouse Ears

This past winter, I took my boys and Kate to see Tangled one day when we were down in the Mesa area. I had heard good things about it and of course I try to love all things Disney. (Try being the operative word here. Chicken Little, Pocahontas and most Disney Channel shows deserve nothing less than a public stoning, but I did try to like them.) Anyway, we absolutely loved it. We laughed, I cried just a tad and my kids were very confused about that, but such is life and we left wishing we could watch it all over again right then.

Because of that experience, I knew that we would be adding Tangled to our DVD collection. This really wasn't a stretch as most Disney movies make it into our video library. So I was on Amazon looking up when it comes out on DVD and I found myself reading the reviews that people had left for the movie. I don't know why I do that. Maybe I have a lack of self confidence in my taste in movies and need positive reinforcement from others. No telling. Anyway, almost every review was glowing and I was basking in the 60s type love in we were all having about this movie when I came across this review. This is an actual paragraph copied from a review on Amazon. I hope this is someone having a joke at the religious right's expense, because if not, WOW! We will get to that in a moment. The title of this review was: Not A Kid's Movie - Should Be Rated X

These reviews missed a very profound, but negative, element of the movie. It had very STRONG GAY images and portrayals. There were gay bar scenes that seemed to be a through-line in the movie. Nothing but men in GAY LIKE attire including -- earrings, tight cut off vests, and even one with effeminate gay gestures that pranced and sashayed across the room with bright red Lip Stick on ... obviously no women were present. Many of the men that "lived" in the gay bar had effeminate aspirations -- dancers, basket weaving(I believe), and interior decorating.

...What In the WORLD?!?! What Westboro Baptist Church did this person crawl out from under? Again, I hope this is someone posting as a person of religion who is in fact just trying to get a laugh, but I fear it is not. The rest of the review talks about how Disney tries to undermine the values of our youth through such things as Disney World hosting a Gay Day each year. (It does not. An outside organization plans and hosts a Gay Days event each year at both parks in the US and Disney does not endorse nor condemn. It has stated repeatedly that any large religious organization could do the same within Disney facilities.) The reason I think this post is legit is because of the repeated attempts by the whack job portion of the religious right to find a boogie man within all things Disney.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a Disney apologist here either. I recognize that Disney owns several vehicles for entertainment that do not necessarily build family values. But over the years we have seen this same kind of weirdness from religious zealots over the cover of the Little Mermaid VHS cassette case, the "erection" of the priest in the Little Mermaid (which turns out to be his knee, not something else), the supposed line in Aladdin where he says, "Boys and Girls, take off your clothes (ok side note, if certain teens are that susceptible to taking off their clothes, my guess is that Aladdin saying it in a subliminal way had little to do with that issue. Just saying.) to the supposed spelling of SEX in the dust in the wind of Lion King (it actually said SFX which were the initials of the groups that was working on the special effects for that scene and was done without Disney management knowledge). Disney is a corporation out to make profits. Period. There are too many people making too much money to jeopardize the corner of the market they control with regard to kids and families in order to accomplish some sinister plan to turn all children into sex crazed homosexuals. Do they always send the correct message with regard to modesty? Not even close (although that really wasn't an issue with Tangled). But could we please chill out and be thankful that there are at least a few movies still made in Hollywood that you can take your family to.

Ok so, I know everyone can see all the holes with the above paragraph so I don't need to point out all of the idiocy associated with it...but where is the fun in that. So...first, has this person never heard of a biker bar? Let's review the apparel at a biker bar. Tight cut off vests? Check. Ear rings? Check. Effeminate men with red lip stick. Ok maybe not so much, but the dude was like 80 years old. I took that behavior more as senility than sexual preference. However, I would love to be around when this person goes into a biker bar and explains that their clothing and apparel signify that they are in a gay bar, not a biker bar. That would be fun.

Now, I don't know that it was ever implied that any of these men "lived" there anymore than Norm "lived" at Cheers. Ok bad example, but you get my point. To further that point, Norm "lived" at Cheers to avoid his wife Vera. I think at the rate this person was making up crap out of thin air it would be just as plausible that all of these men were at the bar to avoid going home to their wives as opposed to trying to pick up an extremely ugly man. Or the third possibility is that this is a small plot device in a harmless animated movie that doesn't deserve near this much thought and effort being put into it. I vote for number 3.

However, the far more harmful comments, as I read them, are those indicating that having interests that don't fall into the "manly" variety somehow make a man or a boy a prime suspect for homosexuality. That is incredibly small minded and exactly the kind of garbage that destroys a young man's self confidence if they don't happen to like sports, cars or camping. As it so happens, my wife and I are arguing because I actually would like to interior decorate our new garage enclosure that we are working on. I would enjoy taking that on. However, my wife is concerned with my taste. My taste is certainly debatable, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to decorate that room. I know more than one great man who enjoys dancing, or singing for that matter. And shockingly, it has little to do with their sexual orientation. I personally fear for this person's kids if they have any secret desires out of the "ordinary". They are in for a confusing and sad existence.

I recognize that this rant was probably pointless, but for some reason that review got me riled. And so in my own way, I will stick it even further to this person who will never read my post by presenting my top 10 favorite Disney movies. And it probably will include that X-rated gay pride film about Rapunzel.

10. Beauty and The Beast



I know that in the 20 years since this movie came out that a lot of things about have become a little cliched or not so amazing, but think back to the first time you saw it. I remember how amazing the ballroom scene was where it appears that a camera was moving around the room for the first time ever in an animated movie, how much I laughed when I heard the song "Gaston" for the first time or before I became so cynical and saw Shrek, how powerful the death and then transformation of the beast really was. This was a truly beautiful movie. Although it is not my favorite, I am glad it was the first animated movie to be nominated for Best Picture. It deserved it.

9. Robin Hood



This was one movie that captured my attention when I was a kid. I loved the song "The Phony King of England" and laughs at the expense of Sir Hiss. Now that I am older, I have realized how great a song "Not in Nottingham" is. I wish they would have let Roger Miller do an entire soundtrack like they do some artists today. I would probably listen to that soundtrack over and over.

8. The Princess and The Frog



I love Dixieland jazz music. It just has always been one of my favorite styles since I was young. It is one of the reasons I could hang out in the New Orleans section of Disneyland all day long. I know several people were disappointed in this film, but I thought it was really entertaining and how can you go wrong with a movie that has the line "Follow the bouncing butts."

7. A Bug's Life



Several people would think I am out of my mind to include this movie when no Toy Story movies are on this list. But while I love those movies, I just think this one is the hidden gem of Pixar movies. Also, the one scene that puts this one over the top is the Godfather-esque scene where Hopper takes out three of his minions with the grain in the sombrero bar in Mexico.

6. Aladdin



When you use quotes from a movie regularly in your everyday conversation, you know that that movie is a fave. I still love to say the word Ecstatic with a Jafar sneer or say Why am I not surprised in my best Gilbert Godfried imitation. This movie was just the perfect storm of comedy and fast paced adventure. I think this movie is great before you add the best part (Robin Williams). That is pretty good.

5. Hercules



This movie really benefits for me for being the movie that followed Pocohantas. It was fun, funny and a movie that didn't try to take itself to seriously. All things Pocohantas was not. The humor combined with my second favorite villian in a Disney film make this a top five. Another reason I love this movie is that it was Abby's first watch everyday movie when she was a toddler. That was all well and good until she quoted a somewhat rude line to a baby sitter. But even that was funny. Guys, Olympus would be that way.

4. Cars



Being a kid who grew up in Duncan makes this movie special to me. It is difficult to go back to my home town and see all of the buildings that are boarded up and all that has been lost from my childhood, but even more so from my father's. Add a kickin' song from Sheryl Crow and not one but two Brad Paisley songs on the soundtrack and it is definitely my solid #4.

3. Tangled



I really loved this movie that much. It is very funny in parts, but what does it for me is the beautiful animation. The lantern scene is quite literally one of the most beautiful cinematic scenes I have seen. But just as powerful to me is the scene with Rapunzel's parents just prior to going out and releasing their lantern. As a parent holding my child watching this movie, that is just a tough yet totally relatable scene. Good song at the end too.

2. The Emperor's New Groove



Funniest Disney movie hands down. As I recently went over in a recent post, it has more quotable lines than any other Disney movie. It has even inspired the phrase, "What the Kronk!" around our house. Also, my favorite Disney villian. Haven't liked anything else with David Spade, but loved him here. "Is That My Voice? Is That MY Voice?" Classic.

1. The Incredibles



Super heroes, James Bond villian and soundtrack, mid-life crisis issues and Edna Mode. What is missing? I can't think of anything. I love the sequels to Toy Story and am intrigued by the Cars sequel, but regret that they have not made any plans to make a sequel to this movie. The icing on the cake? Cari, the babysitter. If you haven't seen the short video on the DVD, it is priceless.

So there you have it. Either I have succumbed to the Great Satan's plan or Disney has actually made some pretty good flicks. Maybe the mark on the forehead spoken of in Revelation is actually those mouse ear hats you buy in Disneyland. But if it is, I think I would rather live in a Disney Hell than the Heaven waiting for the reviewer above. I suppose if he is right, I will get that chance.

Maintaining Honor

I just feel bad today. I feel really bad for a 19 year old kid I didn't even know existed until this past Tuesday. And because I feel bad, it has me questioning all I hold dear. Ok, not even remotely close, but it does make yet another area of my life just a little more gray.

I am referring to Brandon Davies. Brandon is a sophomore at BYU who many consider to have been their second best player on their basketball team. I use the words have been because he was removed from the team this past Tuesday for violations of the BYU Honor Code. Now immediately, people will think they know where this is going. BYU is having what is arguably their best basketball season ever. Not ever as in the last five years. Ever as in best basketball season since Brigham Young himself said, "This is the right place." So maybe I am wrong, but I am sure there are people who will assume this post is going to be all about how he shouldn't have been kicked off the team in order to save their season. Well, it isn't. I attended ASU and since they consistently suck at basketball, I always root for UofA. So what BYU does on the court really affects me not at all.

My concern is actually for a young man. BYU has done the right thing in not giving any information out about the nature of his indiscretion. However the Salt Lake Tribune has done some digging and now the headlines all over the country today are that Brandon Davies was kicked off the BYU basketball team because he had sex. Our natural inclinations are to come to the defense of our "Church's school" and their honor code. I have heard and seen on message boards the comments that well this stinks but I am proud of my university for standing for their principals or pointing out that every student who goes to BYU is aware of the honor code when they enroll and sign it when they show up to go to class. But the more I ponder this issue, the more I think about the effects and wish there was a different way this could have gone down.

First of all, over and over again in our General Conferences, Stake Conferences, Youth Firesides and weekly church meetings, we plead not just with our youth, but especially with our youth, to come to understand the principle of repentance. To believe that no matter what they may have done, there is a way out and way to move on and leave the past behind you. To further encourage the step of confession in the repentance process, we assure everyone that what is shared with a bishop is strictly confidential. I don't know how BYU found out about Brandon Davies' issue, but I hope it wasn't from a Bishop. But regardless, that message got a little undercut today whether intended or not.

The other argument, that I can certainly understand and somewhat agree with, is that there are standards in place and everyone knows what they are signing up for when they come to BYU. However, Brandon Davies was 17 when he committed to BYU. I would argue that he knew what he was getting into just like I knew what I was committing to when I got baptized at 8, received the Aaronic Priesthood at 12 and the Melchizedek Priesthood when I was 18. It is impossible to know what life is going to throw at you when you are 17. Furthermore, I am pretty confident in stating that I am sure Brandon Davies is not the only person at BYU to break the Honor Code in this way. However, I am assuming none of them are required to get up in front of their Algebra class and admit to having premarital sex and ask for forgiveness from their fellow students the way Brandon had to in front of his basketball team. (If I am incorrect in my assumption, I would hope some of my BYU alumni friends will let me know.)

Now I want to state again that I support BYU's honor code. I believe in everything that it stands for and states. My sadness is directed at the avenue taken to enforce the honor code. Brandon is still a student at BYU today. Everyone at the university had to know how big this would be for their recently #3 ranked basketball team. If the transgression was enough to warrant removal from the team, shouldn't it also warrant immediate removal from the school? If not, why go public until everything has been resolved? To take it a step further, if you are in violation of the honor code and are ineligible to play Division I athletics at a Church school, wouldn't it also stand to reason that anyone in violation of the honor code should also not be allowed to participate in intramural athletics held at any of our institutes? Before you scoff at this and say it isn't relevant, think through this with me. Why would anyone scoff at that idea? Because activities at the institute are a great tool for reactivation. If you need reactivation, you are in violation of the honor code. But that doesn't change the fact that God still wants you. So we invite less actives to play basketball, go to dances, take classes and attend devotionals. We want them to return. We will sometimes casually refer to it as leaving the 99 and going after the one. Today, Brandon Davies is the one.

Now, I have to stop and actually give credit to BYU for what I believe is the message they are trying to send here. I believe they want everyone to realize that the honor code is not a paper tiger. I believe they want the world to know that at BYU (and in a larger context the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)winning championships or performing well athletically will never be more important than the standards of the honor code. That is a very laudible position. It makes me proud to be a Mormon. But what about Brandon? Is there any congregation in the United States now that won't have someone who remembers this? We all know someone who didn't live up to the ideals of the Church at a young age, whether it be not going on a mission, teen pregnancy or (insert sin of choice in this spot). We also remember the stigma that person had to live with, especially at the college stage of life. It isn't fair, but it is reality. Now add the weight of national media attention to that person's burden and how well would they hold up? How much would they just want to run and never look back, get lost in order to never be found? What if it was you? What if it was your child?

My solution (because I am so smart and have taken minutes to think this over as opposed to the days, weeks and years of better educated and more highly spiritual men and women than myself who sit on BYU's governing board have taken) would have been to avoid any decision with regard to his status as a player until his status as a student had been decided. If his actions warranted removal from the school immediately, then this could not have been avoided. If it warranted his removal from the school but did not require immediate action, let him finish the quarter and remain on the team and give him a chance to get his life right without all of the brutal attention he is now receiving. If he is placed on probation, again, let him work through his private issues in private. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a welcoming gospel even for those who sin. If he is willing to work on making things right, give the kid an environment where he feels welcome.

So for those who think that I was going to write this to say that he shouldn't be kicked off the basketball team, you were right. However, it is not because I want to see BYU save its national basketball championship dreams, it is because I would like to see them save Brandon Davies. Because as much as he will have my prayers and thoughts with him today, just like any of us when it comes to our sins, I bet he would prefer to have my ignorance.

Random Thoughts

The following are unconnected, random thoughts or events that have occured to me over the last few weeks. Some are longer than others and they definitely vary in importance as well.

-Having just watched The Lord of The Rings with Abby from beginning to end, I am reminded how much Mt. Graham reminds me of the Misty Mountains from the book The Hobbit. Especially on days like yesterday where clouds swirl around it in the wind all day. One of my favorite scenes from those movies (and from any movie) is the lighting of the beacons on the mountain tops. It is just an amazingly well done scene. However, it still does not inspire me to want to go with the venture scounts and do that thing each spring where they flash each other from mountain top to mountain top. Does not inspire me in the least. I guess if there is no threat of death from disgusting looking beings called orcs as part of the equation, it just loses something.

-Congrats to Braden for getting his Wolf rank in Cub Scouts. He was awarded this at our recent Blue and Gold Banquet. I should leave it there. I really should....But I won't. Why, from the Blue and Gold to monthly Round Table must we sing ridiculous songs. When I was eight and I sang Alice the Camel, it was fun. If I am asked to do it at a Blue and Gold Banquet, I guess I can handle that. When I am 37 and attending a Round Table with only adults and I am asked to do some weird chant or sing a ridiculous song, I'm not having fun anymore. Anyway, sorry for the aside. Many congrats to my son.



-I believe the thing that is of utmost importance to me in this life that will be of no interest to me in the next is the interest rate on my mortgage.

-At the suggestion of my cousin Michael and his wife Amy, Shannon and I finally got around to renting the first season of The Gilmore Girls. So far, it is a pretty good show. It definitely had my favorite quote of the week. "So how many weekly dinners are we going to have to go to before we are off the hook?" "I think the deli spread at my funeral will finally do it." That made me laugh out loud.

-Braden and I took our first attempt at building a pine wood derby car this year. I learned that I don't know a whole lot about making pine wood derby cars. Fortunately, we didn't come in last in every race, but unfortunately, we never won a race outright. I gave the best pre-race speech ever: "Son, we are probably not going to win. In fact, we are probably going to lose. I'm sorry." Braden was pretty good about it. He said, "It's all right dad, I know." I got on-line to look at different cars and maybe get some ideas for what to do. Man, I came away from that experience feeling worse than ever. I clearly do not take this event seriously enough. I would have to start next week in order for us to be ready for next February's race if I tried to make some of those cars. Anyway, one pinewood derby down, five to go.



-In an effort to make up for my shortfalls in the pinewood derby area, I got out Braden's model car that we got him a while back and together we started working on putting it together. We are not going to win any awards here either, but we are having a great time. Braden made the comment that it was too bad Grandad Rapier couldn't be with us, he would definitely love making the model with us. One night when we hit a stopping point, Braden came up and hugged me and said, "Dad, this is the best father/son activity we have ever done." Wow, either he really digs model cars, or I don't do enough with my son. Don't answer that.



-Best Kate quote from the last month: I was up on the stand during the sacrament a couple of weeks ago when I decided to shut my eyes and contemplate. All of the sudden, in the quiet chapel, I hear Kate start yelling out, "Wake up Daddy, wake up." My eyes shot wide open and there she was looking at me in great concern. Of course everyone in a five pew radius was stifling laughter with not a great amount of success.

-Best moment as a father in the last month: Logan came to Shannon with tears starting to well up in his eyes this last week as we were preparing for Braden's birthday party later that day. He asked her why he couldn't go to Braden's birthday party at the bowling alley. Shannon tried to explain that this was a friend party that Braden got to choose who came. He asked if he could at least ask Braden if he could go. She said sure but tried to prepare him for rejection. He left the room and she followed him just a few seconds later to hear Braden respond to Logan's request. "Of course you can come to my friend party. I would always invite my best friend." The kid can't remember to put his towel away for a king's ransom, but he sure has it together in the areas that count.



-More than anything, Braden wanted a GPS for his birthday. We were not as prepared for his birthday as we would have preferred to be and so on his birthday, Shannon ran to Wal-Mart in search of a couple of gifts to supplement the sparse offering we had managed to come up with at that point. She got him the GPS. This may have been a mistake. We are now getting minute by minute updates on how many miles and how many hours it would take us to drive to various points across the country. When he started up, he said he didn't like the woman's voice so he went and changed it to a man's voice. What??? I didn't even know you could do that. We are trying to be patient with this new fascination and hoping that it will eventually play itself out. If it is anything like his fascination with time...may we request prayers on behalf of the GPS unit that it doesn't accidently fly out the window on our way home one evening.



-The other night, we somehow got into a game where I would say a town name and everybody had to guess which state it was in. This lead to not just town names, but interesting facts about specific states. The longer it went, the more I realized how much useless crap I know. I can't help but wonder how it is that I know so much stuff that nobody else seems to. I can't figure it out, but it does help with Trivial Pursuit.

-I believe the second thing of utmost importance to me right now that will be of no interest to me in the next life is March Madness. I can almost taste those chicken wings. Three weeks baby, three weeks.

-I do not care for the way my daughter looks in her new jeans that she bought. In an unrelated topic, I am forming a petition to be passed around in the Thatcher school district requiring drab, shapeless school uniforms. Anyone with me?

-My kids begged for a dog and when we finally got one? They weren't that interested anymore. That is until Kate got old enough to care. That girl loves her Buddy. She begs to go outside and she will pet him, lay on him and just all around love him to death. The sad part is that he gets so little attention from the rest of us, that he actually loves the overzealous (abusive) attention he receives from Kate. Just kidding, she is actually very good with him and him with her.



-Here is something I can't figure out. Why does anyone care about the Academy Awards? Even more so, why does anyone care what people wear to the Academy Awards? I love movies, but I do not get the hoopla over this ceremony.

-I just downloaded my first Fleetwood Mac song. I hate Fleetwood Mac and generally thought Stevie Nicks had a weird voice. Is it maturing in my musical tastes or is it that I am going deaf in my old age?

-Do you ever wonder what happens in your kids bedrooms after they go to bed? Braden has his own bed but we will often come in and find them both in Logan's bed along with a huge stuffed Shamu. Despite our best efforts at trying to discover what they are doing that gets them to this point, they are both pretty tight lipped about what happens when we leave the bedroom. Maybe some things are better unknown.



-Wisconsin legislators fleeing in the middle of the night to keep from having to vote on a bill, Billy Ray Cyrus blaming The Disney Corporation for destroying his family, Arizona taking the time to pass an immigration law that is completely against the Constitution of the United States when we have a budget to figure out and BYU possibly being a #1 seed in the upcoming NCAA basketball tournament. These are, as Sports Illustrated used to say, Signs That The Apocolypse is Upon Us.

-It is March 1st tomorrow and I still am struggling not to write 2010 on my checks.

We'll end there.

Now That Is A Great Line

I think too much. Ok that is a stupid thing to say. I think too much about inane, weird stuff. I think it is a defense mechanism to keep myself from thinking about actual life stuff that I don't want to think about anymore. Heaven knows I have enough of that to think about recently. So I have been thinking about great lines from television shows or movies that I love or that I have a deep connection with for whatever reason. Now I know some of you are thinking..."What???" Just hang with me here. The reason I am thinking about this is for a couple of reasons. Also, you are seeing why I can't ever just say something simply. I have to give you a good deal of background into my thinking. Otherwise, if I just blurt out where my mind is at the moment, I may appear slightly unhitched (unhinged??? whatever) and in need of mental assistance. So let me begin again somewhere else.

My wife recently had to get a new cell phone. A non-sensitive husband might point out that this is the second cell phone to break in my wife's posession within a ten month period. That same husband might also point out that this is at least the third phone she has broken since we have been married. The jerk might go on to mention that he has never broken a cell phone yet. (Of course that would just be asking for trouble...and a broken phone...and a pretty good size dent in the wall where it "just broke accidently") A truly awful husband might make a connection between the broken phone and the desire of his wife to start texting...therefore needing a different phone to facilitate this desire. But me, I am nothing like that and love nothing more than to visit the Verizon store during my lunch break with the sole purpose of making my monthly bill go up. I live for those kind of moments.

Just kidding sweetie...I know it wasn't your fault. (Did I mention that I have a wonderful wife who loves nothing more than to be teased slightly? I am very lucky. And might be getting close to pushing my luck. Time to move on.)

So everytime Shannon or I get a new cell phone, we have to find a new ring tone. This is a fun ritual that incorporates the whole family. Some of our favorites from both mine and hers include:

-The Psych theme song

-Indiana Jones theme

-The Imperial March (Darth Vader Song) - Set on my phone for when her mother calls. (Did I mention that I am also fortunate to have a mother-in-law/step mother who enjoys being teased as much as her daughter. I am so lucky I might find myself being dropped over a bridge with cement shoes one of these days.)

-Yosemite Sam saying, "You better say your prayers rabbit, I'ma gonna blow you to smitherenees."

-Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated Theme

-Brad Paisley's "I'm Gonna Miss Her" -Set for when Shannon calls me (Again, just teasing.) As I am writing this, I am really starting to question how I am still married. I better buy flowers on the way home.

So as we were going through the options of what to put on her new ring tone (it is currently set with the theme song from the show Chuck...but that might change) we started coming up with quotes that we love. It made me start thinking of all my favorite movie quotes. At the same time, Abby was finally deemed old enough to watch The Lord of the Rings movies and we have been watching them with her for the last few nights. There are some profound quotes there that I love. So I have been thinking of my favorite quotes from movies or TV and why they are my favorites. Some of them are just because they make me laugh. Others are because they resonate with my beliefs and others have meaning for me because of the time in life when I heard them. For posterity's sake, I share some of my favorites with you now:

"I Will Smash It With A Hammer...HA HA HA HA HA...Or To Save On Postage, I Will Poison Him With This."

Whenever one of my children uses something of their's incorrectly or in a way that annoys me greatly, I always threaten to smash it with a hammer. I am pretty sure that stems from this Emporer's New Groove quote. In fact, it has gotten so cliche, that now I will start out by saying, "Braden, if you don't stop doing ____ with that ____..." "I know dad, you are going to smash it with a hammer." Inevitably, Abby will follow this up with a perfect Ysma impersonation about how to save on postage...yada yada yada.

"Open This Door And I Will Burn Your House Down

Don't You Mean Or?

Fine, Open This Door Or I Will Burn Your House Down"

This quote is of course followed by a great discussion between the characters of Ysma, Kronk and Pacha's children about the importance of conjunctions. For those who have seen The Emporer's New Groove, you are smiling and nodding and thinking of the other 30 great quotes from this movie. If you haven't seen it, SEE IT. I think it is possibly the funniest animated Disney movie ever made. Not saying best, just saying funniest. (If anyone has one that is overall funnier, I would love to hear about it.)

"Well, If They Cut Off My Hands, At Least My Lucky Shirt Will Fit."

This line in Maverick follows the great scene where Maverick is having a conversation with the Indian Chief that in no way resembles what the conversation sounds like to everyone around who can't understand what they are saying. Rereading that sentence, I understand that once again, if you haven't seen the movie, it probably makes no sense. If you have...great scene isn't it? This is a great line to give your significant other every time they accidently shrink one of your shirts. (I am sure that has never come up at our house...oh wait, it has. But it was me who shrunk something of Shannon's. $10 says I hear this quote tonight.)

"Oh Niles, Stop Exagerating. You Make Everything Sound 50,000 Times Worse Than It Is."

Shannon and I will quote this back and forth to each other all the time. In fact, we quote hundreds of different Frasier quotes to each other all the time. It could be because we have seen every episode at least 5 times.

"I Stopped Having Sex And I Don't Know No Portuguese"

This line from Seinfeld, for better or worse, lends itself to the realities of marriage from a man's perspective when one compares the habits of newlyweds vs. 15 year veterans. After a very busy week, this one may get pulled out and used at our house. At least we can laugh about it.

"I Once Saw Ringo Starr...Or Maybe It Was That Topol Person.

Ringo Starr And Topol Look Nothing Like Each Other.

Right.

So Not Really A Classic Anecdote Is It?

No, Not Really?"

This exchange in Notting Hill will get repeated in some form every once in a while at our house when someone starts a story that never really gets to the point the person telling it was hoping for. Since none of our kids have actually seen Notting Hill, they don't quite get it when Shannon or I will use that quote on them following one of their meandering stories. That's ok. We get it.

"Men Of Robert's Age Are Prone To...Weakness"

If I could somehow find a way to quote the whole movie of the Incredibles on here I would. This isn't a quote that we use, it is more a quote that causes me to think. In fact, the whole movie causes me to think. As a man approaching 40 (I know I am only 37, but at the rate time is going, I will be 40 tomorrow)I am beginning to understand the thought process behind a mid-life crisis. As teenagers, we are constantly told we can be anything we want to be. We can even be president if we want to. Follow your dreams. Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean. At no point during that kind of encouragement are we ever told..."You can be whatever you want to be. You could be a marketing person for the small town hospital in your hometown. You could have the dream life of taking out the trash 4 to 5 times a week. You have the potential of being a world class poop, throw up, spill cleaner upper." I guess what I am saying is that the realities of life sometimes don't measure up to the "Follow Your Dreams" speech we get fed a lot during our teens and early twenties. In fact, there are times (and they are few and far between) I look at my life and think, what are you doing? Or sometimes I think, what have I done that has any meaning. Now before anyone condemns me to hell immediately for discounting my family, that doesn't necessarily enter the equation yet. I of course love my wife and kids. More than anything. It is just, sometimes you are told how talented you are when you are young and what amazing things you can do. And then one day, you wake up and from the world's point of view, you haven't done any of them. It is pretty sobering and can be depressing.

I desperately wanted to be on the radio when I was younger. I was told all the time how my voice was perfect for something like that. So, I went to college and got a degree in Broadcasting from ASU. Unfortunately, by the time I finally graduated, my first little daughter was six months old and I could see that life in the radio business was not going to be family conducive. I made a choice to walk away from that whole dream. Since then, my professional life has not been the most fulfilling. Since I couldn't do what I had wanted even though that was what I had a degree in, I now was somewhat stuck. I kept trying to find the right fit while still supporting a family and allowing my wife to stay home with our kids. Today, I can't really complain. I have finally landed in a job that is pretty good. I have a wonderful family, a nice house and good friends and...well everything a good Mormon man is supposed to want. But every once in a while, I am like Mr. Incredible. In fact, Logan will actually quote Edna Mode and say something to the effect of, "My gosh you've gotten fat!" Wait, that isn't what I mean. What I mean is, I have all these wonderful blessings, but I can't help but wonder what if I hadn't walked away. What if I had made different choices right out of college? And that is where a silly kid's movie will have a dramatic impact on me. It will help me see that the following your dreams speech that I got as a teenager isn't a load of crap like I have been telling myself. It is really about accepting which dreams I decided to chase. And then, taking it one step further and realizing that what can feel like drudgery on a daily basis is actually the hard work people talk about when discussing what it takes to achieve your dreams. I love The Incredibles. I love the fun story and the fact that they have created a clean James Bond movie I can watch with my kids. But on a different level, this movie means so much more to me. It is justification that the life I have is ok. In fact, it is better than ok, it is Incredible.

"A Parent Should Not Have To Bury Their Child"

This quote from The Lord of the Rings has hit me hard every time I see it. It is interesting because I saw it again last night for the first time in a while and it hit me just as hard last night as it ever had. I think the reason is because that scenario is my worst nightmare. In fact it is often the subject of my nightmares. (Along with getting called on a mission again just as I am about to get married to Shannon or after we are already married. But I digress...)

What is interesting is that I have known several children who have died at different points of life when their parents are still alive. But my mind always goes to the same person when I hear this quote.

Keri Webster was a couple of years older than me in high school. We knew each other and were friendly but I wouldn't say we were friends. She was pretty good friends with my brother and our circles overlapped here and there, but bottom line, we were not close. But there is a line from Friends that summed up my thoughts on Keri at the time. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever known in real life. She was the "it" girl in our high school. The funny thing about knowing Keri is that she was my first example of how being beautiful and popular didn't always equate to happiness. I was close enough to see some of the challenges she had to deal with because of her popularity. But she was a neat person and much kinder than you would expect based on high school stereotypes. In fact, I would find it hard to come up with someone who didn't like her. I am sure they existed, but I didn't know anyone. Anyway, after we had all graduated and moved on with life, I heard of how she had gotten ill and then suddenly, and unexpectedly, died from complications with her illness. I was not close enough to the situation to describe what happened and hope that my small description is acurate. But I remember how I was so stunned. Probably because I was 15, impressionable, hormonal and...I guess in other words young and immature when I knew her, Keri had seemed a little bigger than life to me. Even though I had not seen her in probably close to seven or eight years, I couldn't imagine her being gone from this life. I had just known that she would be one of those women who grew old gracefully and always looked 15 years younger than she actually was. For me, it was a personal 9/11 moment. One that stops your life in its tracks and makes you think for a minute or two about life in general. But almost immediately after I heard the news, my mind went to her mother. Donna Webster was one of my mom's really good friends. I had always liked her. I knew she had already had to deal with the death of her husband at a relatively young age. (At least by my recollection now, her husband passed away before this event.) As sobering as the news of Keri's death was to each of us who knew her, I could only imagine what this must be like for her mother. It was right around the time I had my first child. I remember thinking how completely unfair this was for her and how devastating this must be.

For some reason, when I saw the above quote in the movie a year or two later, my mind went immediately to Donna Webster and I felt for her loss again. It has happened every time. And out of those thoughts, I have contemplated the question: How long would be long enough with any of my children in this life? 5 years? 10? 20? The only answer I can come up with is that it will be whatever age they are when I die and hopefully not a day sooner.

"Why Do You Find It So Hard To Believe, Jack?

Why Do You Find It So Easy?

It's Never Been Easy."

For those who know me at all, you knew a Lost quote had to be in here somewhere. I like this exchange because I feel like I have been represented in each of the three statements at one point or another. Let's take the first one.

I look at the world around me and struggle to understand why people run so hard from God. The story in the Old Testament about looking on the staff for those who had been bitten by the snakes was one I had initially thought was weird when I was young. If all you have to do is look at a silly staff with a snake on it and it will save your life, what idiot wouldn't do that. Well, I suppose at some point in life we are all that idiot. But so many of the world's problems today would be solved if we would just stop trying to reinvent the wheel and try it God's way. Instead the laws of God are demeaned, ridiculed and summarily dismissed as old-fashioned and unenlightened. As a society, we would rather put our trust in ourselves than in diety. Suddenly the far-fetched idea of people refusing to look at a staff is no longer that far-fetched. It can make you want to scream, "Why do you find it so hard to believe?"

And yet, to be truthful, there are times when others' faith seems just out of my reach. It is hard when I hear the surety in people's voices as they speak of what they know. There are things I can't deny, nor would I ever want to. But I have questions that never entirely go away. Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning the existence of God nor the truthfulness of the Gospel, but sometimes in people's interpretations of things. I get discouraged when I hear justifications of people's political beliefs laid at the feet of the Church. I struggle when I am supposed to accept things with which I don't agree simply because they are part of a program that is endorsed by my faith and am lectured on my level of commitment because of my disagreements. I have never been able to understand the Church's position on blacks and the priesthood. And looking for answers does not help my lack of understanding. I have had to come to believe in my own mind that God may have always been ready to accept those of African descent into his Church. It may have been us as members that weren't ready.

So when I meet those who can accept everything so easily and whose faith is so pure, I am admittedly a little jealous. Because I find myself asking why is it so easy for you. Of course this is hypocritical of me, because I don't know at all about anyone else's ease of belief, only my own. But maybe in God's plan for me, that is the point, it was never meant to be easy.

If you have made it to this point, you are now thinking, "Wow, he really does think too much." Sorry. I had not had a chance to write for over a month and I guess it bottled up. Anyway, for those wondering what the picture at the top of the post is all about, this is a little bit of insight for those who wonder what it is I actually do in my job. I created that ad along with the one below in a new ad campaign that includes the tag line "Anything to Provide An Excellent Experience." As you can see, I try to have a good time in my job.