It's The Most Pointless Time Of The Year

Ok, I don't in any way really think that Christmas time is pointless. It is my favorite time of year. However, this year, I noticed a number of things that our family was involved in that were somewhat pointless. My argument is that we should reevaluate each of the following items' necessity at this time of year. So I present my list of the Top 10 Most Pointless Things Associated With The Holidays: (Also mixed in are pictures from our family's Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years)

10. Trying to control weight gain I mean really, even if you are successful, life really sucks for you. Especially with the invention of cake/oreo balls. (Those had to be invented by someone Jenny Craig stabbed in the back on her way to the top as a form of revenge against not only Jenny, but weight loss in general. They are so amazing and now they are everywhere. Curse you little cake ball. I hate you even as I lift another one of your succulent brethren to my lips...where were we?) I mean every time I made a resolve, another wonderful plate of goodness arrived on my doorstep. By Christmas Eve, I pretty much had arrived at the attitude of Screw It! I may split my pants tomorrow, but I am going to enjoy these goodies and I refuse to feel guilty about it at the time. So there.





9. Wal-Mart. I realize Wal-Mart is pointless year round, but my utter hatred of them only increases with every Black Friday. I don't have any other store that I can go to and feel that adrenaline rush of shopping for amazing deals in the midst of quasi looting. I love that feeling as sick as that may be. But Wal-Mart keeps coming up with new and unique ways to ruin it. This year it was the check-out lines. How stupidly insane do you have to be not to open up every register at a time when the fire marshal has to come and shut your doors because too many people are in your store. (True Story) I will grant you that most of them were open, but about every third line was not. Thus we were allowed to feel the holiday spirit of 1 hour + wait times in lines of 30 or more people deep. If Target ever decides to move to the Gila Valley, I will immediately travel to France and start recruiting some of those idiots who rioted over being forced by the government to retire at age 62 instead of 60, and we will come back and burn Wal-Mart to the ground.





8. People Who Don't Pay Attention To Signs. Someone in a crowded Sears store totally ignored the sign and took a stroller onto the escalator and now they have accidently wedged it between the two sides right at the bottom. The entire escalator is full and now everyone is having to walk upstairs backwards while she tries to get her stroller out. Don't people read anymore...wait...is that Shannon? Oh crap! Scratch everything I have said up to this point and change number 8 to People who are unsympathetic to the plight of a young...youngish?...mother with young children? (We will let Shannon decide on the moniker)

As much as my wife is going to kill me for posting this, when she told me about this I just couldn't stop laughing. The visual of her stuck right at the bottom of a completely packed escalator which is causing everyone behind her to have to walk backwards is just too awesome. I want to fully say that I love her and feel so bad for her on this. During her shoving match with the stroller, the escalator ripped her shoe off, the man behind her started shoving her and the stroller in either frustration or an attempt to help...or both and all the while Kate was actually in the stroller. The worst part is, she was all by herself with all four kids. There was nothing I could do to help. The only reason she was in Mesa with all the kids in the first place was for me and my Christmas. My wife is awesome and deserves a medal for all she does as a mother, but especially for surviving and not killing anyone on this day.





7. Christmas Carolers. Here is where my grinch nature starts. The thing is, I have nothing against singing. I actually enjoy singing. I have gone out and caroled during past Christmas seasons. But I will be honest. I don't enjoy doing it or receiving it. This is nothing personal against anyone who has caroled or enjoys caroling, this is a personal issue of my own. The problem is, I just feel completely awkward. If I am singing, I feel like we should hurry up because it is cold outside and we have no idea what we may have interrupted. Also, you have to stare at each other. Which is always awkward for me. If you look away, it will seem rude, but if you stare at someone through the entire length of a song...well, next Sunday at church, just turn to the people behind you and stare into their eyes during the entire opening hymn. Now try and tell me it isn't awkward. If you are being caroled to, same issue with the staring, but then when the song is over, what are you supposed to do? It seems like you should invite them in, but what if your house is totally wrecked. And if they do come in, what then? It would be the same atmosphere as the first 10 seconds after everyone yells surprise at a surprise party. No one knows what to say or do. Everyone just stands around not sure what to do next. And the more successful you are at the surprise the worse it is. Because you have to pretend that you don't notice you have completely shattered someone's presentation of themselves and they may have even wet themselves depending on your effectiveness. What in the heck was I talking about? Oh yeah, caroling. Let's just say it seems a little pointless to me and leave it there.





6. Those Elf Hats With The Fake Elf Ears. Unless you are abnormally short, they just look stupid. And if you are abnormally short, you are just perpetuating stereotypes.





5. The Company Christmas Party. At some point in the decade of the 2000s (Will someone please come up with a good name for that decade already. We have had eleven years and still have bupkiss to show for it.) we all realized that the company picnic and other events designed to have people who work together socialize after work hours with their families are stupid. We don't like each other that much. Well, I don't know that that is fair, but the reality is that we see our co-workers sometimes more than we see our own families. So why would we want to be forced to socialize with each other even more? As a result, you rarely hear about company picnics or other events like that anymore. But somehow, the office Christmas party has survived. Is there another event in our country that has more forced conversation that these parties? Really? If you have one, please let me know. I just don't think there is anything more uncomfortable for a spouse than to go to where their significant other works and either talk about the weather or listen to shop talk. It's brutal. Let's just all agree to have companies provide a nice buffet during company hours and keep it for employees only. Just my two cents.





4. Meeting Santa at the mall or other stores. I don't have anything against meeting Santa Claus, I just don't like it in a retail setting. During this time of year, everyone is already stressed as it is. So somehow standing in a line for two hours to meet a nice(?) old man and then pay $12.95 for a crap picture is going to make that any better? Yeah, I don't think so. Also, for the first time last year, another thought hit me. We did the meet Santa and get a free picture at Bass Pro Shop. Kate was acting like she didn't feel well, but we went ahead and did the whole thing. Turns out she had strep. I pray we didn't give it to the nice (and he was very nice) Santa, let alone the next thirty kids in line. Maybe because we are a Mormon family and have the opportunity to meet Santa at the Ward Christmas party, I am being too hard on this tradition. But to me, way too much downside for very little reward.



3. Home and Visiting Teaching in the Month of December Ok, I don't really mean this one. But don't lie, you inwardly sighed when your home or visiting teacher asked if they could make a visit because you were so busy, you had no idea where you were going to fit them in. And that says nothing about looking at your schedule and trying to figure out when you are going to get yours done before Christmas. Still we all did it and are the better for it. Right?



2. Trying to Figure out When the Phrase "Time Flies" Became a Reality Seriously, didn't we have Christmas 2009 last week. I hate that I have become that person who looks at the children of family members and is so dumbstruck about what I am seeing that I blurt out stupid things like, "My gosh, you were only ___ tall when I saw you last. What grade are you in now? What? That is not possible." I know how much of an idiot I sound like to these youth because I can vaguely remember being one of those youth, but I can't seem to stop myself. It is sad when I am unfazed by the beauty of Christmas lights, but struck senseless by the passage of time.



1. Christmas Piano Recitals No offense is meant here to my children or any piano teacher alive. I simply had this thought as we juggled getting to four different events in one night during the December/Holiday season: I don't care about how well any other child other than my own plays. I am only there to see my kids play. However, I have heard them play the songs they are playing no less than 187 times. (Carol of the Bells has been banned from our home until next Thanksgiving.) Couldn't we just have the spring recital and we will invite Grandparents over to our house and have the kids play their Christmas songs at a time that is convenient to us. It may even be December 26th. I recognize this is one I am going to lose. Not only that, but my wife will tell me to shut up and suck it up and look like I am happy. I will, but mainly due to the fact that I can envision that my kids will have to go through this in twenty years during a hectic holiday season while I roll in as an empty nester without a care in the world. With the way time is cruising by, that should be some time next week.

Despite my best Ebeneezer Scrooge attempts above, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. So good in fact, that if I had the choice, I wouldn't change a thing...except for the Wal-Mart stuff, but that's a given.

Here also are some family pictures we took recently.

Orlando Trip Day 7: Beware The Yeti...And Bees

7:30 a.m. - Get up, Yada Yada Yada, we are ready to go. The only thing of note is that we don't bother going down to breakfast because we have so much darn food from leftovers. However, I do take Logan to get a picture of the Alligator sign right by the pool of the hotel because we hadn't done this yet.



9:30 a.m. - We get on the parking lot tram. They are waiting an extra long time to go this morning. As such, we get to hear the safety message about keeping our arms inside the vehicle and not standing up and so on and so forth so many times. We have heard this same message over and over the whole week. Abby is sick of it. She can recite it word for word and does so in a sarcastic manner.

10:02 a.m. - Don't know what made us think that going on the one ride that would get us wet first thing in the morning was a good idea, but we are on our way to ride the Kali River Rapids. Shockingly, we get wet. I mean realllllly wet. Poor Logan looked like a drowned little mouse as he tried to walk with all of his soaking wet clothes. It is funny how cold 65 degrees can feel when you are soaked as opposed to not soaked. Abby and Braden want to go again so Shannon goes with them while I trek it to the little cart selling...towels??? It is like they knew this was going to happen. Those devious theme park people. Meanwhile, my wife becomes a garbage picker and pulls a poncho out of the trash. The good news? She stays dry. The bad news? SHE PULLED IT OUT OF THE TRASH!!! It was like she was George Castanza with the eclair or something. Oh well.







10:46 a.m. - We went to the Bug's Life 3D movie. My son Logan who has an irrational fear of spiders gets a little freaked out. I don't know if it was the foot long black widows that come out of the ceiling in the midst of a massive fog or not, but I am thinking they might have had something to do with it.



11:09 a.m. - Ready to go on Expidition: Everest. This is a roller coaster that starts out going really high forward and then backward for a little while and then forward down a massive drop. Abby chooses not to go claiming the need to recover from her previous night's throwing up incident. By now, the whole arguing with her desire has just gone out of me so we leave her near the stroller.

And the review of this ride? AWESOME!!! Logan had his face buried in my arm the entire ride so he didn't get to see a whole lot, but it was really cool. So cool that we fast pass as soon as we get off.



11:34 a.m. - We decide to eat lunch at a restaurant called Yak and Yeti's. Ok, I think we actually ate at a place right next to Yak and Yeti's but I really like the name Yak and Yeti's and can't remember the other name so we will just go with Yak and Yeti's. And you didn't think I could get the work yak and the work yeti into one sentence three times each now did you? As we sit down, we quickly become aware of several bees near our table. Braden's approach is to get mad, yell at the bees and run from his food and then stare at it from a distance while being unable to eat it. My approach is to sit there and just make sure I don't accidently put a bee in my mouth. After about 10 minutes of Braden going through the different stages of anger, I finally make him come by me and we have this discussion:

"Braden, how many times have you been stung using your approach to the bees?"

"None."

"How many times have I been stung using my approach to the bees?"

"None."

"That's right. But the difference is that I get to eat and you don't. Please take my approach and sit down and eat."

He doesn't like my approach and would like to argue with me, but there really isn't an argument. I think this makes him even more angry, but at least we finally get to finish our lunch.

12:44 p.m. - We go the Dinosaur portion of the park and ride...Dinosaur. We follow this up with Primeval Whirl. While standing in line, I look and I see a guy about 15 people in front of us who looks exactly like Andre Agassi. Now I know that Andre Agassi lives in Florida. What are the odds that I am seeing Agassi in Walt Disney World. Well, in fact the odds were not good as it wasn't him upon closer inspection. However, I was pretty excited there for a while.



1:23 p.m. - There is nothing worse than getting in line for a time killer ride while you wait for other people only to have that ride break down and you end up taking far more time than you meant to. This happens to Shannon and Logan as they ride the Dinosaur equivalent of the Dumbos.

1:46 p.m. - We go into the area where you can see Tigers and bats that are indigenous to Asia. The tigers are awesome. They always are. Just amazing animals. We then walk into the bat room. No it isn't a cool room with lots of gadgets that Batman uses on his down time. I was pretty disappointed when I found this out. Anyway, we are looking at the bats (amazing and disgusting all at the same time) when we realize they have this hideous recording spouting facts about the bats. It is totally monotone voice that is pitched at the worst possible level. It has to be a recording meant to keep the room from getting crowded because a human can only stand this sound for two...maybe three minutes at a time. Who one earth would commission a recording like this for a theme park attraction? Oh wait, it isn't a recording. It is the guy right behind me with a microphone. Unbelievable. I hope I didn't say anything too rude about the "recording" while I was standing close to him.



2:07 p.m. - It is time for Expidition: Everest again. YEAH! Abby still doesn't want to go so we have five fast passes for four people. We all go and then Braden says he wants to go again even if it is all by himself. All right. I went over to get a picture of him coming down the big drop. Long story short, right as I am ready to take the picture, I look over at the exit and see that Braden is already back. And he is talking quite animatedly to the man sitting next to him. When I went to get him at the exit, he informed me he had met a man named Morgan that he had sat next to on the ride.

"Did you and Morgan have a good conversation?"

"Yep, I told him all about the ride. I told him what was coming next the whole time so that he could get a preview."

I happened to see Morgan about this time and Morgan didn't seem overly impressed with his preview.

"Did Morgan talk much to you?"

"No, I did most of the talking."

Might be time to have a discussion about social rules and such. But he was so excited about how much he had helped Morgan. I decide that conversation can wait for another time.



2:48 p.m. - We decide now is the time for ice cream.

3:12 p.m. - We have saved the marquee ride in this park for the last. It is the safari where you ride in a vehicle that take you right next to the animals. After a pretty long wait in line, we are finally off. It was worth it as we had African antelopes run right next to the vehicle. I mean like within two feet. Pretty cool.



4:11 p.m. - Ready to leave the park and go over to Epcot for a little bit before calling it a vacation. When we finally get back to the tram, we have a little more fun at the tram recording's expense. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have feelings.

5:03 p.m. - When we get parked at Epcot, we are in that horrible situation where we are close enough that if we walk, we will probably get there faster than if we wait for the tram, but it means more walking. What to do? What to do...We walk.

5:18 p.m. - Get told that even though we have an extra day on the ticket, we can't get in because it isn't a park hopper ticket. Now I had specifically asked this question when I bought the tickets if we could use them in this manner just using an extra day if we went to two parks in one day. We were told we could. Now we are being told we can't. Fortunately, I held it together pretty well for a man who has just spent a week exhausting himself in a theme park setting. I even managed not to yell. At least they credited back the cost of the extra day that we couldn't use. However, I was really disappointed because I had wanted to go back to Epcot just one more time. Oh well. Meanwhile, Logan has taken his shoe and sock off and his feet are still not dried out from that morning. He has a serious case of prune foot. We head back to our car. And by the way? Screw it, we are taking your dumb tram and we are not walking again.



6:00 p.m. - We decide to go back to Downtown Disney and eat at the Earl of Sandwich one more time and get the pictures we wanted to the first time when I didn't bring the camera. And yes, I was reminded that it was me who didn't bring the camera. Highlights include:

Earl of Sandwich - Even better the second time. Highly recommend the Hawaiian BBQ chicken sandwich.

Braden walking into everyone's pictures - He must have done it no less than four times. Just not paying attention and walking directly into the line of someone trying to take a picture. So who knows what part of the world might have a picture of our son floating around in it.

Getting all of our pictures - We had a good time posing with the pirate wheel and on the Harley Davidson motorcycle.

















8:08 p.m. - We head back to the hotel. On the way, the kids are so tired they are hyper. I tell them we have to play the quiet game. We had done this several times to get them to be quiet. It hadn't always ended well. Which lead to this comment by Braden as we started, "The quiet game makes everything worse." Now there is a marketing campaign for any product.

10:00 p.m. - All in bed as we have to be at the airport at 6:00 a.m. the next morning.

The following day is a blur. There was the 4'8" woman who made anyone with children get in the family line at the TSA which only made everything worse and everyone more grumpy. But isn't that what the TSA is for? We flew for what seems like twice as long as when we were on our way to Orlando. We saw Kathy again and she was on our flight from Memphis to Phoenix. That made for a nice bookend on our week. Lamar picked us up, but we didn't stay long at their place as Danae had just gotten strep.

Long story short, we finally walked into our own home at a little after 5 p.m. that afternoon. It was a wonderful week, but it was good to be home.

Orlando Trip Day 6: Aerosmith and Indiana Jones

7:30 a.m. - Alarm, Shower, Igor.

8:30 a.m. - Had to go to Wal-Mart for some reason that I can't remember. I see an Asian couple in a Travel America trailer camped out in the parking lot. The old lady is sitting outside the door of the trailer drinking her coffee with her hair in rollers. Nothing really exceptional here except I realize there is a way that to go to Disney World that holds no interest for me whatsoever. I think I would actually turn down the opportunity for a free trip to Walt Disney World if my accomodations were in a Travel America trailer set up in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Despite its close proximity to the Hookah Bar.

8:48 a.m. - I had made a specific request that we try and leave by 9:00 a.m. today. We aren't going to make it. Logan, despite feeling fine otherwise, makes it four out of five days by puking in the bushes on the way to breakfast. We choose to take a glass half full approach by realizing he didn't puke in front of the other hotel guests like last time. Abby is also expressing that she doesn't feel well. I can't help but wonder if she isn't suffering from a little bit of Tower of Terroritis as we are going to Disney's Hollywood Studios park. Home of the Orlando version of The Tower of Terror. Otherwise known as Abby's least looked forward to attraction.

9:34 a.m. - We are off. We arrive and park in the Film lot. Amazingly enough, yet again this will play into our days events before it is all said and done.

9:56 a.m. - Get in, get strollered up and head into the park. The first ride is The Great Movie Ride. I managed to keep my sunglasses throughout Thunder Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, Splash Mountain and even the Atlantic Ocean. Yet somehow, I lose my sunglasses on the slowest moving ride in all four parks. Go figure.

10:20 a.m. - We check in on the Indiana Jones stunt show and it is a ways off, so we go to the Muppet movie. We have seen this before in California, but it is a fun show.





11:00 a.m. - We get out, take a picture with Mater and then decide we are ready for lunch. How fortunate that we are right outside THE Pizza Planet. How cool is that? We look for THE CLAW, but it apparently isn't there anymore along with the three eyed aliens. That would have been the ultimate. I could have done my best Sid impression..."Let's go home and Plaaaayyyy. HA HA HA."



11:22 a.m. - Following lunch we let the kids play one game in Pizza Planet. We made the right decision on when to eat. We walked right in and ordered. Now the line is 7 people deep. I always smile to myself when that kind of good fortune smiles upon us. Conversely, it is all I can do to avoid swear words escaping my lips when I see a line form in front of me and I become that seventh person in line. My mood is already better today. That 30 minutes we lost trying to leave this morning has just been made up.





12:30 p.m. - We are ready for the Indiana Jones stunt show. As we sit down, Logan makes friends with the kid from the family sitting next to us. Very friendly child. Show was awesome, but as with many theme park shows, they have a person who is part of the show "volunteer" along with several other audience members. In this show, that guy is asked to help the stunt woman show how to fake hit people. Except he "accidently" keep leaning too far into her punches. So it appears he is just getting unmercifully knocked around. At one point, he gets hit and flips over and spins on his head. It was really cool. However, Logan has not caught on that this is part of the act and is very concerned for this poor man. The rest of the show is awesome with lots of explosions and death defying stunts. Plus, it was Indiana Jones. Which only cemented further into my sons' minds how cool Indiana Jones is. And they haven't seen any of the movies yet.

1:13 p.m. - We can put it off no longer and we head to the Tower of Terror. All the way there, both Abby and Braden whine about having to go on it. Finally, I am done arguing and let them both wait in the store you come out in at the end of the ride. Logan goes with us. I still don't think it is his favorite ride, but he does it. He got a little freaked out as we got loaded into the car and was ready to bolt, but he made it. For his trouble, he got an extra pin of the Tower of Terror ride. I have to commend him on his courage this week. There were several rides he wasn't crazy about going on, but he did them all and with minimal complaining. Maybe we will have one child that will go with Shannon and I to Magic Mountain after all. Or maybe we will have two??? (More to come)



1:34 p.m. - Some very nice people gave us four fast passes to Toy Story Mania. I run over to see if we can get a fifth one so we can all go. Apparently this is a very popular ride and the fast passes are all gone. So glad I ran across an entire theme park for that.



2:06 p.m. - Another thing I am so glad (said in a completely sarcastic sneering voice) we did was the Narnia exhibit which turned out to be nothing more than watching a preview for the second Narnia movie which we already own.

2:40 p.m. - Back lot tour. It was exciting (and time consuming) enough to warrant a mention. It was not exciting enough to expound upon.

4:00 p.m. - We are ready to watch the car stunt show. This looks to be COMPLETELY AWESOME. Not completely awesome? The 100+ steps it takes to get to open seating for this show. Good crap! After 5 days of walking, my calves expressed an interest in filling out union paperwork for better working conditions following that climb. Fortunately, it was totally worth it. We saw cars driving backwords at 80+ MPH. We saw cars do that cool thing where they drive on two tires. We saw a guy get lit on fire after skidding through flames on his motorcycle. (After the dude getting beat up at the Indiana Jones show, this about put Logan over the edge. He was dancing and shaking in concern for his fellow human being who was engulfed in flames. I suppose that is a good thing. It certainly beats him laughing at these individuals. Anyway.) We saw jumps, we saw cars driving at super high speeds while only inches from each other and we even saw Herbie the Love Bug get cut in half. By the end, even my calves were applauding.



4:52 p.m. - Toy Story Mania. Shannon let me go with the kids. In my typical "I am a horrible father" fashion, I did not let them win. I cleaned up.

5:23 p.m. - We let each child choose a "major" souvenier. These did come with limitations. ($40 wands and $100 Gryffindor robes were out.) It was with no small sense of pride that I purchased Logan's choice. Indiana Jones action figures. It is good to know that my teaching of good principles is getting through to my children.

5:46 p.m. - We next went to a cute show about animating characters that starred Mushu. Now the cast member who works the show has to memorize dialogue and say his lines within a specific time frame to work with the animated cartoon character on the screen. Our specific cast member did a pretty good job, but you could see the stress on a couple of occasions as he tried to not stumble over his lines and get them in before his time ran out. I enjoyed this portion of the program more than the program itself. What does that say about me? Following this, we saw some characters and couldn't resist the opportunity to pose with Mr. and Mrs. Incredible.



6:01 p.m. - Final ride of the evening. Aerosmith's Rockin' Roller Coaster. We had let Abby and Braden have one pass on a ride they didn't have to go on. We knew they would use it on the Tower of Terror. Now Abby is asking what is the Rockin' Roller Coaster like. You can see in her eyes she is getting up the arguments to get out of going on this one too. No such luck baby doll. Shannon forces her and Braden down the shoot. Logan and I wait for them because he doesn't quite have the heighth to go. Darn it. When they get out, both Braden and Abby are a bit iffy, but it wasn't as bad as they thought. Now due to child swap, I get to go and can take one person with me. Neither is jumping up and down, but I offer $5 to whomever will go again. They both jump at it. So I say $4. Abby says it was worth $5, but no less. Braden and I are off. After the second ride, he actually is now loving the Rockin' Roller Coaster and since we have two fast passes left, he wants to go again. He and Shannon head off. (Unfortunately for Braden, we charge the kids $1 each time they leave their towels on the floor of their bedrooms. He is down to $1 left since that trip.)





6:35 p.m. - While waiting for Shannon and Braden, Abby, Logan and I stop in at a place that sells rice crispie treats and hot chocolate. I get a hot chocolate and buy rice crispie treats for the kids. These are not regular rice crispie treats, but rather rice crispie treats on sugar steroids. They are covered in frosting and other stuff. Letting them have these prior to dinner might not have been the best idea. (Ominous foreshadowing music begins to play.)





6:45 p.m. - Braden has joined the I love roller coasters club and will also be included in our Magic Mountain trip. He wants to blow off the Animal Kingdom the next day so we can come back and ride the Rockin' Roller Coaster. Not happenin' kid.

6:59 p.m. - Our parking woes this week have started to shake our confidence in ourselves. We get on the tram and when we arrive at the place where I know we are supposed to get off, they don't announce the Film lot, but only mention the Music lot. Now the Music lot is on our left. But I know the Film lot is on our right. Shannon is not convinced.

"They didn't say Film."

"I know, but that is the lot we parked in. Music is over there, but Film is right here."

"What if it isn't. They didn't say Film."

"I can see the car from here."

"I don't know."

"I am getting off. You are welcome to stay and take a fun 15 minute ride and I will be waiting for you when you get off."

"Fine. Let's go."

I was so convincing in my argument that a lady three rows away told her family. I believe him. I'm getting off too. Fortunately, I was right. I would have felt really stupid at that point if I had been wrong.

8:05 p.m. - We have our nice dinner for the evening by heading into town and eating at an Olive Garden. Good food. But that rice crispie thing earlier plus Fettucini Alfredo equals...

12:00 p.m. - After everyone is in bed and we have all drifted off to sleep, I wake to hear Abby puking. I go in and try to be a supportive father. Fettucini does not come out better than it went in. Boy I am so glad I figured out that stupid alarm clock so that it won't go off at midnight and wake me up.