Orlando Trip Day 7: Beware The Yeti...And Bees

7:30 a.m. - Get up, Yada Yada Yada, we are ready to go. The only thing of note is that we don't bother going down to breakfast because we have so much darn food from leftovers. However, I do take Logan to get a picture of the Alligator sign right by the pool of the hotel because we hadn't done this yet.



9:30 a.m. - We get on the parking lot tram. They are waiting an extra long time to go this morning. As such, we get to hear the safety message about keeping our arms inside the vehicle and not standing up and so on and so forth so many times. We have heard this same message over and over the whole week. Abby is sick of it. She can recite it word for word and does so in a sarcastic manner.

10:02 a.m. - Don't know what made us think that going on the one ride that would get us wet first thing in the morning was a good idea, but we are on our way to ride the Kali River Rapids. Shockingly, we get wet. I mean realllllly wet. Poor Logan looked like a drowned little mouse as he tried to walk with all of his soaking wet clothes. It is funny how cold 65 degrees can feel when you are soaked as opposed to not soaked. Abby and Braden want to go again so Shannon goes with them while I trek it to the little cart selling...towels??? It is like they knew this was going to happen. Those devious theme park people. Meanwhile, my wife becomes a garbage picker and pulls a poncho out of the trash. The good news? She stays dry. The bad news? SHE PULLED IT OUT OF THE TRASH!!! It was like she was George Castanza with the eclair or something. Oh well.







10:46 a.m. - We went to the Bug's Life 3D movie. My son Logan who has an irrational fear of spiders gets a little freaked out. I don't know if it was the foot long black widows that come out of the ceiling in the midst of a massive fog or not, but I am thinking they might have had something to do with it.



11:09 a.m. - Ready to go on Expidition: Everest. This is a roller coaster that starts out going really high forward and then backward for a little while and then forward down a massive drop. Abby chooses not to go claiming the need to recover from her previous night's throwing up incident. By now, the whole arguing with her desire has just gone out of me so we leave her near the stroller.

And the review of this ride? AWESOME!!! Logan had his face buried in my arm the entire ride so he didn't get to see a whole lot, but it was really cool. So cool that we fast pass as soon as we get off.



11:34 a.m. - We decide to eat lunch at a restaurant called Yak and Yeti's. Ok, I think we actually ate at a place right next to Yak and Yeti's but I really like the name Yak and Yeti's and can't remember the other name so we will just go with Yak and Yeti's. And you didn't think I could get the work yak and the work yeti into one sentence three times each now did you? As we sit down, we quickly become aware of several bees near our table. Braden's approach is to get mad, yell at the bees and run from his food and then stare at it from a distance while being unable to eat it. My approach is to sit there and just make sure I don't accidently put a bee in my mouth. After about 10 minutes of Braden going through the different stages of anger, I finally make him come by me and we have this discussion:

"Braden, how many times have you been stung using your approach to the bees?"

"None."

"How many times have I been stung using my approach to the bees?"

"None."

"That's right. But the difference is that I get to eat and you don't. Please take my approach and sit down and eat."

He doesn't like my approach and would like to argue with me, but there really isn't an argument. I think this makes him even more angry, but at least we finally get to finish our lunch.

12:44 p.m. - We go the Dinosaur portion of the park and ride...Dinosaur. We follow this up with Primeval Whirl. While standing in line, I look and I see a guy about 15 people in front of us who looks exactly like Andre Agassi. Now I know that Andre Agassi lives in Florida. What are the odds that I am seeing Agassi in Walt Disney World. Well, in fact the odds were not good as it wasn't him upon closer inspection. However, I was pretty excited there for a while.



1:23 p.m. - There is nothing worse than getting in line for a time killer ride while you wait for other people only to have that ride break down and you end up taking far more time than you meant to. This happens to Shannon and Logan as they ride the Dinosaur equivalent of the Dumbos.

1:46 p.m. - We go into the area where you can see Tigers and bats that are indigenous to Asia. The tigers are awesome. They always are. Just amazing animals. We then walk into the bat room. No it isn't a cool room with lots of gadgets that Batman uses on his down time. I was pretty disappointed when I found this out. Anyway, we are looking at the bats (amazing and disgusting all at the same time) when we realize they have this hideous recording spouting facts about the bats. It is totally monotone voice that is pitched at the worst possible level. It has to be a recording meant to keep the room from getting crowded because a human can only stand this sound for two...maybe three minutes at a time. Who one earth would commission a recording like this for a theme park attraction? Oh wait, it isn't a recording. It is the guy right behind me with a microphone. Unbelievable. I hope I didn't say anything too rude about the "recording" while I was standing close to him.



2:07 p.m. - It is time for Expidition: Everest again. YEAH! Abby still doesn't want to go so we have five fast passes for four people. We all go and then Braden says he wants to go again even if it is all by himself. All right. I went over to get a picture of him coming down the big drop. Long story short, right as I am ready to take the picture, I look over at the exit and see that Braden is already back. And he is talking quite animatedly to the man sitting next to him. When I went to get him at the exit, he informed me he had met a man named Morgan that he had sat next to on the ride.

"Did you and Morgan have a good conversation?"

"Yep, I told him all about the ride. I told him what was coming next the whole time so that he could get a preview."

I happened to see Morgan about this time and Morgan didn't seem overly impressed with his preview.

"Did Morgan talk much to you?"

"No, I did most of the talking."

Might be time to have a discussion about social rules and such. But he was so excited about how much he had helped Morgan. I decide that conversation can wait for another time.



2:48 p.m. - We decide now is the time for ice cream.

3:12 p.m. - We have saved the marquee ride in this park for the last. It is the safari where you ride in a vehicle that take you right next to the animals. After a pretty long wait in line, we are finally off. It was worth it as we had African antelopes run right next to the vehicle. I mean like within two feet. Pretty cool.



4:11 p.m. - Ready to leave the park and go over to Epcot for a little bit before calling it a vacation. When we finally get back to the tram, we have a little more fun at the tram recording's expense. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have feelings.

5:03 p.m. - When we get parked at Epcot, we are in that horrible situation where we are close enough that if we walk, we will probably get there faster than if we wait for the tram, but it means more walking. What to do? What to do...We walk.

5:18 p.m. - Get told that even though we have an extra day on the ticket, we can't get in because it isn't a park hopper ticket. Now I had specifically asked this question when I bought the tickets if we could use them in this manner just using an extra day if we went to two parks in one day. We were told we could. Now we are being told we can't. Fortunately, I held it together pretty well for a man who has just spent a week exhausting himself in a theme park setting. I even managed not to yell. At least they credited back the cost of the extra day that we couldn't use. However, I was really disappointed because I had wanted to go back to Epcot just one more time. Oh well. Meanwhile, Logan has taken his shoe and sock off and his feet are still not dried out from that morning. He has a serious case of prune foot. We head back to our car. And by the way? Screw it, we are taking your dumb tram and we are not walking again.



6:00 p.m. - We decide to go back to Downtown Disney and eat at the Earl of Sandwich one more time and get the pictures we wanted to the first time when I didn't bring the camera. And yes, I was reminded that it was me who didn't bring the camera. Highlights include:

Earl of Sandwich - Even better the second time. Highly recommend the Hawaiian BBQ chicken sandwich.

Braden walking into everyone's pictures - He must have done it no less than four times. Just not paying attention and walking directly into the line of someone trying to take a picture. So who knows what part of the world might have a picture of our son floating around in it.

Getting all of our pictures - We had a good time posing with the pirate wheel and on the Harley Davidson motorcycle.

















8:08 p.m. - We head back to the hotel. On the way, the kids are so tired they are hyper. I tell them we have to play the quiet game. We had done this several times to get them to be quiet. It hadn't always ended well. Which lead to this comment by Braden as we started, "The quiet game makes everything worse." Now there is a marketing campaign for any product.

10:00 p.m. - All in bed as we have to be at the airport at 6:00 a.m. the next morning.

The following day is a blur. There was the 4'8" woman who made anyone with children get in the family line at the TSA which only made everything worse and everyone more grumpy. But isn't that what the TSA is for? We flew for what seems like twice as long as when we were on our way to Orlando. We saw Kathy again and she was on our flight from Memphis to Phoenix. That made for a nice bookend on our week. Lamar picked us up, but we didn't stay long at their place as Danae had just gotten strep.

Long story short, we finally walked into our own home at a little after 5 p.m. that afternoon. It was a wonderful week, but it was good to be home.

Orlando Trip Day 6: Aerosmith and Indiana Jones

7:30 a.m. - Alarm, Shower, Igor.

8:30 a.m. - Had to go to Wal-Mart for some reason that I can't remember. I see an Asian couple in a Travel America trailer camped out in the parking lot. The old lady is sitting outside the door of the trailer drinking her coffee with her hair in rollers. Nothing really exceptional here except I realize there is a way that to go to Disney World that holds no interest for me whatsoever. I think I would actually turn down the opportunity for a free trip to Walt Disney World if my accomodations were in a Travel America trailer set up in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Despite its close proximity to the Hookah Bar.

8:48 a.m. - I had made a specific request that we try and leave by 9:00 a.m. today. We aren't going to make it. Logan, despite feeling fine otherwise, makes it four out of five days by puking in the bushes on the way to breakfast. We choose to take a glass half full approach by realizing he didn't puke in front of the other hotel guests like last time. Abby is also expressing that she doesn't feel well. I can't help but wonder if she isn't suffering from a little bit of Tower of Terroritis as we are going to Disney's Hollywood Studios park. Home of the Orlando version of The Tower of Terror. Otherwise known as Abby's least looked forward to attraction.

9:34 a.m. - We are off. We arrive and park in the Film lot. Amazingly enough, yet again this will play into our days events before it is all said and done.

9:56 a.m. - Get in, get strollered up and head into the park. The first ride is The Great Movie Ride. I managed to keep my sunglasses throughout Thunder Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, Splash Mountain and even the Atlantic Ocean. Yet somehow, I lose my sunglasses on the slowest moving ride in all four parks. Go figure.

10:20 a.m. - We check in on the Indiana Jones stunt show and it is a ways off, so we go to the Muppet movie. We have seen this before in California, but it is a fun show.





11:00 a.m. - We get out, take a picture with Mater and then decide we are ready for lunch. How fortunate that we are right outside THE Pizza Planet. How cool is that? We look for THE CLAW, but it apparently isn't there anymore along with the three eyed aliens. That would have been the ultimate. I could have done my best Sid impression..."Let's go home and Plaaaayyyy. HA HA HA."



11:22 a.m. - Following lunch we let the kids play one game in Pizza Planet. We made the right decision on when to eat. We walked right in and ordered. Now the line is 7 people deep. I always smile to myself when that kind of good fortune smiles upon us. Conversely, it is all I can do to avoid swear words escaping my lips when I see a line form in front of me and I become that seventh person in line. My mood is already better today. That 30 minutes we lost trying to leave this morning has just been made up.





12:30 p.m. - We are ready for the Indiana Jones stunt show. As we sit down, Logan makes friends with the kid from the family sitting next to us. Very friendly child. Show was awesome, but as with many theme park shows, they have a person who is part of the show "volunteer" along with several other audience members. In this show, that guy is asked to help the stunt woman show how to fake hit people. Except he "accidently" keep leaning too far into her punches. So it appears he is just getting unmercifully knocked around. At one point, he gets hit and flips over and spins on his head. It was really cool. However, Logan has not caught on that this is part of the act and is very concerned for this poor man. The rest of the show is awesome with lots of explosions and death defying stunts. Plus, it was Indiana Jones. Which only cemented further into my sons' minds how cool Indiana Jones is. And they haven't seen any of the movies yet.

1:13 p.m. - We can put it off no longer and we head to the Tower of Terror. All the way there, both Abby and Braden whine about having to go on it. Finally, I am done arguing and let them both wait in the store you come out in at the end of the ride. Logan goes with us. I still don't think it is his favorite ride, but he does it. He got a little freaked out as we got loaded into the car and was ready to bolt, but he made it. For his trouble, he got an extra pin of the Tower of Terror ride. I have to commend him on his courage this week. There were several rides he wasn't crazy about going on, but he did them all and with minimal complaining. Maybe we will have one child that will go with Shannon and I to Magic Mountain after all. Or maybe we will have two??? (More to come)



1:34 p.m. - Some very nice people gave us four fast passes to Toy Story Mania. I run over to see if we can get a fifth one so we can all go. Apparently this is a very popular ride and the fast passes are all gone. So glad I ran across an entire theme park for that.



2:06 p.m. - Another thing I am so glad (said in a completely sarcastic sneering voice) we did was the Narnia exhibit which turned out to be nothing more than watching a preview for the second Narnia movie which we already own.

2:40 p.m. - Back lot tour. It was exciting (and time consuming) enough to warrant a mention. It was not exciting enough to expound upon.

4:00 p.m. - We are ready to watch the car stunt show. This looks to be COMPLETELY AWESOME. Not completely awesome? The 100+ steps it takes to get to open seating for this show. Good crap! After 5 days of walking, my calves expressed an interest in filling out union paperwork for better working conditions following that climb. Fortunately, it was totally worth it. We saw cars driving backwords at 80+ MPH. We saw cars do that cool thing where they drive on two tires. We saw a guy get lit on fire after skidding through flames on his motorcycle. (After the dude getting beat up at the Indiana Jones show, this about put Logan over the edge. He was dancing and shaking in concern for his fellow human being who was engulfed in flames. I suppose that is a good thing. It certainly beats him laughing at these individuals. Anyway.) We saw jumps, we saw cars driving at super high speeds while only inches from each other and we even saw Herbie the Love Bug get cut in half. By the end, even my calves were applauding.



4:52 p.m. - Toy Story Mania. Shannon let me go with the kids. In my typical "I am a horrible father" fashion, I did not let them win. I cleaned up.

5:23 p.m. - We let each child choose a "major" souvenier. These did come with limitations. ($40 wands and $100 Gryffindor robes were out.) It was with no small sense of pride that I purchased Logan's choice. Indiana Jones action figures. It is good to know that my teaching of good principles is getting through to my children.

5:46 p.m. - We next went to a cute show about animating characters that starred Mushu. Now the cast member who works the show has to memorize dialogue and say his lines within a specific time frame to work with the animated cartoon character on the screen. Our specific cast member did a pretty good job, but you could see the stress on a couple of occasions as he tried to not stumble over his lines and get them in before his time ran out. I enjoyed this portion of the program more than the program itself. What does that say about me? Following this, we saw some characters and couldn't resist the opportunity to pose with Mr. and Mrs. Incredible.



6:01 p.m. - Final ride of the evening. Aerosmith's Rockin' Roller Coaster. We had let Abby and Braden have one pass on a ride they didn't have to go on. We knew they would use it on the Tower of Terror. Now Abby is asking what is the Rockin' Roller Coaster like. You can see in her eyes she is getting up the arguments to get out of going on this one too. No such luck baby doll. Shannon forces her and Braden down the shoot. Logan and I wait for them because he doesn't quite have the heighth to go. Darn it. When they get out, both Braden and Abby are a bit iffy, but it wasn't as bad as they thought. Now due to child swap, I get to go and can take one person with me. Neither is jumping up and down, but I offer $5 to whomever will go again. They both jump at it. So I say $4. Abby says it was worth $5, but no less. Braden and I are off. After the second ride, he actually is now loving the Rockin' Roller Coaster and since we have two fast passes left, he wants to go again. He and Shannon head off. (Unfortunately for Braden, we charge the kids $1 each time they leave their towels on the floor of their bedrooms. He is down to $1 left since that trip.)





6:35 p.m. - While waiting for Shannon and Braden, Abby, Logan and I stop in at a place that sells rice crispie treats and hot chocolate. I get a hot chocolate and buy rice crispie treats for the kids. These are not regular rice crispie treats, but rather rice crispie treats on sugar steroids. They are covered in frosting and other stuff. Letting them have these prior to dinner might not have been the best idea. (Ominous foreshadowing music begins to play.)





6:45 p.m. - Braden has joined the I love roller coasters club and will also be included in our Magic Mountain trip. He wants to blow off the Animal Kingdom the next day so we can come back and ride the Rockin' Roller Coaster. Not happenin' kid.

6:59 p.m. - Our parking woes this week have started to shake our confidence in ourselves. We get on the tram and when we arrive at the place where I know we are supposed to get off, they don't announce the Film lot, but only mention the Music lot. Now the Music lot is on our left. But I know the Film lot is on our right. Shannon is not convinced.

"They didn't say Film."

"I know, but that is the lot we parked in. Music is over there, but Film is right here."

"What if it isn't. They didn't say Film."

"I can see the car from here."

"I don't know."

"I am getting off. You are welcome to stay and take a fun 15 minute ride and I will be waiting for you when you get off."

"Fine. Let's go."

I was so convincing in my argument that a lady three rows away told her family. I believe him. I'm getting off too. Fortunately, I was right. I would have felt really stupid at that point if I had been wrong.

8:05 p.m. - We have our nice dinner for the evening by heading into town and eating at an Olive Garden. Good food. But that rice crispie thing earlier plus Fettucini Alfredo equals...

12:00 p.m. - After everyone is in bed and we have all drifted off to sleep, I wake to hear Abby puking. I go in and try to be a supportive father. Fettucini does not come out better than it went in. Boy I am so glad I figured out that stupid alarm clock so that it won't go off at midnight and wake me up.

Orlando Trip Day 5: Day Of Rest

7:30 a.m. - ZZZZZZZZ

8:00 a.m. - ZZZZZZZZ

8:30 a.m. - I would still have been asleep had it not been for an exploding bladder and hip joints that after several hours in the same position seem to take great pleasure in reminding me that I am not in my twenties anymore. We had decided the night before that we had reached theme park overload. We had initially planned on going to the Kennedy Space Center today, but after looking at the brochure, it appeared to be much more geared to an adult audience than would hold our children's attention. Add that to the extreme exhaustion some of us were facing and we decided that today was a day off.

9:00 a.m. - After a shower and some stretches to try and stop hurting so much, I am still the only one awake in a totally dark condo room. I have a very tough to deal with condition where I am unable to sit still in a hotel room on vacation. I can sit and do nothing very easily when I am home, but on a vacation, I struggle desparately. Oh wait, I hear Abby getting up. We go down to breakfast.

9:15 a.m. - While we are gone, Shannon and Braden crawl out of bed. Unfortunately for them, breakfast only lasts until 9:30 and they miss it. Fortunately, we have enough left over boxes from the last several days to make sure that everyone gets fed.

9:45 a.m. - I waited so long that Igor is gone by the time I arrive for my morning constitutional. Well, that is a shame.

10:30 a.m. - Finally, after almost 11 hours of sleep, we go in and wake a snoring Logan. This is just further confirmation that today being a vacation day is a good idea. Poor kid.

11:03 a.m. - Head down and swim in the hotel pool. We have been at this lovely location for four days and have yet to take advantage of their huge pool. Well no longer. We are gettin' in. AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Oh yeah, it is November. That pool was freezing. I stayed in for about...15 minutes and then I was done. I sat in the sun and read my book. Shannon (who enjoys swimming much more than I do) stayed in and we stayed at the pool for about 45 minutes. By the time we were done, Logan's whole face had a bluish tint to it. Yeah, it is time to go.



12:25 p.m. - The main agenda item for the day is to go to the beach. We know if we drive east we will hit a beach and so we load the kids in the car and we head off. The road to the beach goes by the exit to the airport. This means two things. One, we have to go through several toll booths to get there. We end up paying $11 total just to drive to and from the beach. That doesn't include parking. I am so glad once again that toll roads have not caught on out west. I suppose we have something similar here. It is called the Indian Casinos. Put them by the side of the road and almost every driver pulls in and drops a load of money. I appreciate all those who pull and take care of my toll for me so that the Native Americans don't get the toll idea for the reservations.

Second item, I didn't notice this the night we drove in from the airport, but the name of the road that the airport is on is Boggy Creek Road. Am I the only one who sees an issue with the word Boggy and airport in the same sentence?

1:32 p.m. - We are crossing bridges over rivers larger than Thatcher. Be careful Toto, we aren't near the Gila any more. We also pass several cruise ships getting ready to depart. After that recent ship that had to be towed in after it lost power added to the books I have read that turn cruise ships into floating death traps, I find I am not that tempted to turn off and get on.

1:41 p.m. - We arrive in Cocoa Beach. Look its Major Nelson and Major Healy. Wonder what hijinx they are trying to keep from Dr. Bellows from finding out about. If you don't get that reference, your childhood was woefully inadequate and you didn't miss enough school to watch Channel 5 in the afternoons.

1:45 p.m. - Before we hit the beach, we are starving. Hey!!! It is a Mexican restaurant. We are feeling homesick for some cheese and grease so we stop and head inside. The food was actually very good although I get the sense that they cater to an older clientale. The food and salsa had all the spice of a Bristol Palin Foxtrot (Cool, the blog's first Dancing with the Stars reference). But there were beans and there was cheese and we loved every minute of it.



2:37 p.m. - We get to the beach and although it is looking windy and stormy outside, it is surprisingly warm. The beach is a little crowded, but for a Veteran's Day, not bad at all.

2:43 p.m. - Logan hits the water and doesn't stop screaming in delight for the next...basically until we leave. We had debated whether the kids should wear their swimsuits or not. We almost made them change. Good thing we didn't because before we know it, Abby and Braden are up to their chests taking on wave after wave. This was definitely a good call.







3:12 p.m. - Logan tires of running in and out of the waves, so he and I start building a mountain. Because of the way the sand drops on our mountain as we try to make it higher and higher, it ends up resembling Splash Mountain. So for the rest of the day, that is our private sense of accomplishment that we share between us and congratulate each other on several times. We built Splash Mountain.





3:51 p.m. - We need to go. If for no other reason, Logan is shaking. Not his arms or teeth chattering. He is in full body tremors. Yet neither he nor the other kids have any interest in leaving. Our first experience in the Atlantic Ocean was a huge success.





4:03 p.m. - As we are getting in the car, I notice on the window, a decal mentioning that cars needing a cleaning will result in the renter being assessed a $125 cleaning charge. I then look over at my children covered in sand. We are in trouble.

4:37 p.m. - The dead racoon on or beside the road count reaches 7. Just for a 45 mile ride and back. Seven dead racoons. I can't say I had even seen a racoon prior to this trip and if I had, it was definitely in the confines of a zoo. I still can't say I have seen a live racoon in the wild, but the dead ones are piling up faster than I can keep track. For an urban area, it is a little crazy here. I mean you can't go near any body of water because of the snake and alligators and varmints (I have always loved that word and opportunities to use it come up so rarely) are dying by the wheelbarrow load along the highways. The entire trip I always had an eerie feeling that I was just a few feet away from a whole other world I didn't want to know about. The dead racoons indicate I am right about this.

5:38 p.m. - Not sure what we want to do tonight, so we decide after everyone has showered to head over to Downtown Disney. Downtown Disney is basically an outdoor mall with a lot of Disney stores and no Victoria's Secrets. You will get many opinions on what is the best store that you can find at Downtown Disney, but to me, the debate is pointless. It is the Haagen Daaz store. End of discussion. Anyway, we get in the car and get going.

5:46 p.m. - Hey, we have arrived and did not get lost at all. Good job us. We had contemplated going to see MegaMind, but once we arrive, we don't want to rush in and eat quickly in order to make a movie so we decide our evening will consist of walking around Downtown Disney and taking in the sights while trying to find a decent place to eat that everyone can agree on. That is way harder than it sounds.

5:52 p.m. - Wait, they have a Cirque du Soleil theater here with a performance tonight and tickets are available. Shannon has always wanted to see them so we walk over with the idea we may just go.

5:54 p.m. - Yeah, we aren't going. When the cheapest tickets available are $87 per person, we flinch. I don't know what we thought they would cost, but clearly an unplanned $400+ evening was not on the agenda. Darn. However, Shannon told me if it was just the two of us, we would have been going.

6:03 p.m. - We stop in at a store that sells nothing but refrigerator magnets. How unbelievably pointless...and yet we spent at least 12 minutes in there. I must admit though that the full scale size chili dog magnet was my favorite.

6:24 p.m. - Dang it, we have lost Shannon again. How does this always happen when we are walking along a store lined sidewalk? Ok, we found her. She was in the candy apple shop. That was pretty darn impressive what they can do with a green apple on a stick. We wanted to take a picture, but I didn't bring the camera (pardon me for not wanting to lug around the camera bag for three hours out of six days on our vacation. I thought we were going to a movie anyway). I heard about the lack of camera no less than 10 times the rest of the evening. Finally the comments stopped and we just had dirty glares from Abby that said everything.

6:48 p.m. - We are now debating on our third overpriced restaurant and decide yet again...no. We will keep looking. Now Abby has two things to be mad at us about. She is starving and we have no camera. These previews we get of life with a teenager are very heartwarming.

6:57 p.m. - We happen upon a stage with a band dressed in 17th century costumes complete with powdered wigs, playing classical music with a techno bop keyboardest as part of the ensemble. Apart from the powdered wigs, it is actually pretty cool if not a tad bizarre.

7:03 p.m. - YEAHHH! Free chocolate samples at the Godiva Chocolate store. We walk right in, get the sample and walk right back out. I am sure we are not the only ones.

7:18 p.m. - All too often situations come up where I feel totally inadequate as a parent. Fortunately, the times where I get to see total heartbreak in the eyes of my kids over my parenting skills are not so common. However, here we are. We went into a hugh Disney toy story that had all kinds of hands on stuff. You could make Mr. Potato Heads and play with footballs or basketballs. They even had a make your own lightsabre station. Logan was drawn right to it. He just started playing and the rest of the family was near by looking at other things. Suddenly, Shannon is coming quickly and says to me as she passes that she can't find Logan. She is headed to the back of the store so I go immediately up to the front. It can't have been more than 5 minutes, but I see him near the front cash register, sitting on a display case with his head against the wall. You can see in his eyes he is completely scared and heartbroken. Tears are pooling in his red little eyes. For a moment, I can feel all of his fears in me and I feel terrible.

I walk up and hold out my hand. When he finally sees me, the look of relief is overwhelming, but it is still taking him a little bit to pull himself out of the place he has been. There are so many things that at that moment and in the moments since that have come to me about the symbolic nature of that moment that I will not go into here. But let's leave it at, I never want to lose my family. And I don't want to be the reason they are left with feelings of complete abandonment. Ever!

Afterward, Logan told us that as soon as he realized he couldn't see any of us, he went straight to the manager and said, "I'm lost." I'm glad we taught him that much. He is such a wonderful little boy. I love him so much and that look on his face when I found him before he had seen me is forever etched in my mind. I'm not going to lie, I am tearing up now thinking about it. What a weenie I am. But in light of the tragedy that has occured in our community this last week to a young boy just his age, it causes one to be a little philosophical and emotional. Moving on.

7:32 a.m. - There is a Disney pin store right across from the toy store and so that is our next stop as we dabble in pin collecting. Unbeknownst (I always feel like speaking in an English accent with my nose poked way up in the air when I use that word...which isn't that often, I promise.) to me, I must not have offended my young son too much with the above incident, because he pulls Shannon aside when he sees a "World's Best Dad" pin and tells her he wants to get that for me for Christmas. She let me know what had happened so that his five year old efforts to hide what he had just purchased would not prompt me to ask questions. Good call on her part because it actually became pretty difficult to ignore his efforts at concealment. As he stands there with his hands behind his back trying to look innocent, it was all I could do not to laugh. Fortunately, Shannon finds a place to stow the pin and he can come out of super stealth mode.

7:51 p.m. - We are now beyond starving and have run out of options. We decide to try this place called Earl of Sandwich. Boy was that a good call!!! My Carribean Jerk Chicken sandwich was one of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. So the advertisement for which I will get paid nothing portion of this blog is for anyone who has the opportunity to eat at the Earl of Sandwich. Do it!

8:38 p.m. - We make it back to our car in the parking lot with no issue. We found it no problem. However, we did see a family that was experiencing our Monday night as they could not find their car. They had also apparently lost their mother in the process. I have never felt so bad for someone because I could relate and yet felt so grateful that it wasn't us again.

8:49 p.m. - Wow, we are back at the hotel. In under fifteen minutes. Has this been possible the entire week?

9:30 p.m. - I had to run to Wal-Mart, but Shannon stayed back and got the kids into bed. Once they were down, apparently that Mexican food had quite an effect. She sat in front of the TV craving chips and salsa while watching the Latin Grammy's...in Spanish. When I returned, we watched a bit together. No idea why. But we are certain we cannot ever move from Arizona as it is apparent that we cannot go long periods of time without proper Mexican food. If we do, weird things will begin to happen.

10:45 p.m. - I say good night to my legs who share with me a message of gratitude for not having to walk all day on concrete in a theme park. I don't mention to them that we are back at it in the morning. They will find out soon enough.

Orlando Trip Day 4: Does Ice Cream For Dinner Make Us Bad Parents?

7:30 a.m. - Well Mr. Alarm Clock, here we are again. I refuse to open my eyes or move and you refuse to stop making the most hideous sound known to man. It would seem we are at an impass.

8:24 a.m. - Good morning Igor. Mighty fine blend of DP you brewed this morning. I know many people will find this disgusting (first and foremost my wife), but my new favorite gas station had a special on hot dogs. Buy one, get one free. I didn't actually get two hot dogs for breakfast...but I thought long and hard about it. We don't get many hot dogs around our house due to the fact that Shannon would probably think just as long and hard about eating the dog food in our pantry before eating a hot dog.

8:48 a.m. - Logan makes it three for three on puking in the morning before we leave. However, the good news is that he is not running a fever and seems to be just fine once he is done. This is a positive turn of events. In fact, he would go the whole day completely fine and not needing medication. Me, on the other hand, took at least 4 ibuprofen before the day was over.

9:32 a.m. - We arrive at the Magic Kingdom. But before you can get to the park, you have to do one of two things to get to the park. Get a ride on a monorail or ride a ferry boat as the Magic Kingdom entrance is across a very large lake. We chose the monorail. It was beautiful. The lake was shining and the day was perfect. It is quite enchanting to enter a theme park this way. My opinion of this entrance would change later in the day. Stay tuned.

10:02 a.m. - We are now in the park and we decide our day will start in Tomorrowland at Space Mountain. The further we get in the mountain, the more nervous our children are starting to get. I think by the time we got to the ride itself, many people probably were contemplating calling CPS on us. "You will ride and you WILL enjoy it." "Stop your whining!" "Don't be a weenie." I may have crossed the line with the weenie comments, but such is life. We didn't travel over 2,000 miles not to ride on Space Mountain. Once it was over, shockingly they enjoyed it. Just like we had told them they would. But then again, what were we thinking. Parents never know anything.

10:27 a.m. - Next we went on the People Mover which is a ride they used to have at Disneyland, but don't have anymore. This is my pitch for them to bring it back. It isn't much of a pitch, but then it isn't that much of a ride. However, it was a nice relaxing needed break after...one ride??? Did I mention that I took four ibuprofen today? Did I mention that I took all four by 10:27?

10:46 a.m. - While standing in line for the rockets, we see a guy who is seven feet tall. Nothing really exciting about him except...HE WAS SEVEN FEET TALL! Then, when we were up next to actually get on the rockets, we look over and see an old lady struggling to get aboard her rocket. Then we look at the next rocket and see the exact same old lady buckling herself into her rocket...WHAT??? Twin old ladies??? Really? What are the odds of seeing a seven foot guy and twins that are Social Security eligible in the same attraction line? I don't actually know the odds, but they can't be that good.

11:03 a.m. - Last attraction for Tomorrowland is Buzz Lightyear. Way better in Disneyland. Not that we have a west coast/east coast thing going on or anything...I'm just sayin'.



11:24 a.m. - Leaving Tomorrowland, we come upon a great picture location for Cinderella's Castle. Ok, Disneyland may have a better Buzz Lightyear, but Cinderella's Castle kicks butt.



11:36 a.m. - Walk into Liberty Square area. This is a section patterned after a colonial Massachusetts town and takes the place of New Orleans from Disneyland. Chalk another one up for California. Although, they did have a great picture spot where you could pose in "the stocks". One of my great regrets from this trip is that we didn't get a picture of any of us in the stocks.

11:50 a.m. - While waiting in line for lunch in the Liberty Square area, I get in a conversation with the guy who was gonna hand us our food. He was a newbie and very talkative. Very nice. Out of this conversation, we found out you can get a nice button if it is your first trip to the Magic Kingdom. The kids proudly wore their new buttons. Also, Shannon and I were able to get some Clam Chowder. It was wonderful.

12:12 p.m. - Not sure what it is about meal time that prompts kids to think this is the best time to talk about disgusting stuff, but Logan feels now is a good time to describe what it was like to throw up water through his nose this morning. This leads to another discussion about all the things we have had come back up through our noses. Why on the meal where I finally got Clam Chowder does this have to come up? It just doesn't seem fair.

12:29 p.m. - Logan, "I gotta go poop." "No problem son, there is a bathroom right over here." Oh wait, for the first time we experience a bathroom for men that has a line and if we haven't documented this before, Logan gives you about a three minute warning before major problems arise if he doesn't get to a toilet. We rush quickly to Fantasyland to find the nearest bathroom.

12:33 p.m. - As I am sitting there outside of a bathroom stall with my son who loves to stall in a bathroom, I suddenly took notice of the urinals. There were 11. I counted. It led to a strange tangent that even to this day I think I still find fascinating. I would be totally curious to see a report of which urinal gets used most during a normal day at Disney World. As I had nothing but time on my hands, this led me to my next thought. If you took 100 men and had them walk into this empty Disney World bathroom with 11 urinals, what would be the breakdown of which one would get used most and which one least. I would then want them to interview the 100 men and find out why they use the one they use. Women would probably never understand the patterns of the human male when it comes to urinal usage, but it is fascinating to watch. Men don't like to be right next to another man unless they have to. There really is quite a dance that occurs in a public bathroom hundreds of times a day. I know, because I got to stand there for a very long period of time waiting for Logan. Otherwise, why on earth would the following paragraph go through my head. Gosh we have to work with this kid on his bathroom time.

12:47 p.m. - I know I said I wasn't doing any kind of west coast/east coast comparison...but yeah, all day I totally was. Next up, we did Haunted Mansion and...I hate to admit it, but overall, it goes to Disney World. The outside is totally a California win, but the overall ride goes to Florida. If nothing else, for the glowing footsteps on the stairs. Pretty Cool!



1:32 p.m. - We parked our stroller and went into Pirates (point Disneyland) and then had a good time shopping. We come out and our stroller is gone. What is with this place? We can't keep anything that has four wheels. We look all over and finally find it about 100 yards away. One thing they have at Florida that they don't have in California is actual parking lots for strollers. Employees will move your stroller to the stroller parking areas if you don't park it in the right spot. Ours got moved to the nearest one when we failed to see it upon our arrival at Pirates. That could be because the parking area was no where near pirates. Still, nothing like 10 minutes of stress in a crowded Adventureland. Also, Shannon buys a mediallion necklace like the one in the first Pirates movie. We agree she will wear it to church our first week back and see if anyone notices.





1:47 p.m. - The kids meet Goofy.



2:02 p.m. - Get in line for the Jungle Cruise. Not sure why, but Braden chooses this ride to suddenly duck walk through the entire queue. He isn't doing anything wrong so...we just kind of ignore him and let him do his thing. Still not sure where this came from.

2:08 p.m. - When I was struggling so hard not to tell my kids about this trip, I would bring Logan to the computer and we would watch videos of the rides at Disney World. The video of the Jungle Cruise was a fun little video that would have a fake reel missing sequence just as the film got to "the most dangerous part of the voyage." All day, Logan was excited to go see this most dangerous part of the voyage. But as we were waiting in line, the word dangerous started to sink in and he really started getting nervous. We had a talk and he was ok until we actually got to that part in the ride. It was really hard to hide my smile as he just fidgeted out of extreme nervousness as we went into the tunnel. (Jungle Cruise? Point Disney World)

3:10 p.m. - Make our way to Fantasyland. (Total point Disneyland) Nothing extraordinary except for Mickey's Philharmagic. Great 3-D movie starring Donald Duck. Best memory? Logan trying to reach out and grab the jewels from the screen. Here is the typical response to riding on Small World. (Just kidding, I actually like this ride. I know, that makes me a Disney Dweeb. Not like that is news.)



4:51 p.m. - Splash Mountain. (Point Disney World) I don't understand my children as we had to force them on this ride too.

5:23 p.m. - Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. (Wash) Everybody loves it. Too bad Abby didn't pay attention to the recording that says, "Stash your hats and glasses because...blah, blah, blah...the wildest ride in the wilderness." She lost her sunglasses. Not a happy pre-teen.

5:42 p.m. - Last ride of the night, we trek it to the teacups...except they are closed. Oops! Should have checked on that before we walked what had to be half a mile on very tired feet.

6:02 p.m. - Get our spot for the fireworks that night. Everyone is hungry. I go to get food while Shannon and the kids hold the spots. Oops! Also should have checked on the fact that they close every single restaurant on the west side of the park during the parade which is happening while I am trying to get food before I walked another quarter mile on the same tired feet. (Definitely point Disneyland)

6:15 p.m. - We had asked all of the kids if they wanted to see the parade. The answer was no. Now, Abby wants to go see it. We walk the same quarter mile to a place where we can get to the head of the parade. It has been 11+ years and I would still do anything for that little girl. Too bad she isn't so little anymore.

6:50 p.m. - An hour has gone by, the parade is over but our family still hasn't eaten. My guess is they are probably still hungry. The ONLY place open is a Dole orange juice and frozen yogurt stand. We get a frozen yogurt float for everyone which equals five to carry for two people. We can manage this. Unfortunately, they get one wrong. So they make a new one. Then they decide to give us the extra. Now we have six and we have to carry them between me and Abby. Did I mention it was frozen yogurt? They were freezing. We ended up giving the extra to the family next to us. Five minutes later, the dad for the other family shows up and he had also only been able to find ice cream for dinner and also had somehow ended up with an extra. He gave it to us. As Logan is sitting there shaking uncontrollably, we now have even more ice cream for dinner. Only in Disney World.

7:00 p.m. - Fireworks are awesome and the lighting on the castle is unreal. (Point Disney World)





7:48 p.m. - Shannon wants to get some extra maps of the park for memory's sake. That is all well and good until we realize she has selected the Japanese version of the maps.

8:02 p.m. - Up until now, it has been pretty close as to which park is better. Then we try and leave. Remember how this park's entry is over a lake? Now we have to get back over that lake along with the other 40,000 people who visited the Magic Kingdom that day. What was once quaint and magical is now hell on earth. I have been through a lot of situations where one feels like cattle. But never like this. We get in the "line" for the ferry boats. I am naturally people clausterphobic. This was awful. And it took about an hour to get through the process of making it to a ferry boat and then getting back to the parking lot. Disneyland wins, hands down.

9:11 p.m. - We are driving out of Disney World when all of a sudden, we realize we don't have a clue where we are. Once again, no where to turn around and no lights whatsoever. Finally we come up over a hill and our Marriott hotel landmark is miles (and I mean MILES) away. We finally find a place to turn around, get back into Disney World and find the exit we missed. I loved this vacation, but at this point, I was seriously ready to have the idiot responsible for the roadways in Florida charged with high crimes and misdemeanors. Good gosh driving around this place was horrible. Shannon took this opportunity to let me know that she thought we weren't on the right road. Thanks dear.

9:35 p.m. - I hate the Nickelodian network with a passion, but I have never been so happy to see their resort as I was that night as it was on the corner where we turn to get to our hotel. It is now super late and we still haven't had any dinner. I take off for the Subway.

9:42 p.m. - The Subway has one...yes one person working there. Not one working the front line...ONE PERSON WORKING. Not too big a deal as there are only two people in front of me. Oh wait, it is an old couple...who can't decide what they want...and have to pause every two words because one of them is on oxygen but is unfortunately the designated communicator for the group...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Psych is coming on at 10 and I am going to be late. I may one day find it possible to forgive these people, but I will never forget.

9:54 p.m. - Almost all of the sandwiches I am going to order require turkey. They are out of Turkey. The one, yes one, employee (you can tell I am having a hard time letting this one go) goes into the back to get more turkey. He failed to tell me that this was also his designated break time where he leaves the store, drives to Miami and goes on a bender before returning with my sandwich meat. How do you have a store with one (1, UNO, Solitary) employee. Had I not missed the first 17 minutes of Psych, I wouldn't be so upset. But I did, so I am.

11:00 p.m. - At the end of Psych, they have the different outtakes. Cary Elwes was guest starring and he had a line where he said, "Great Scott, I've been setup." They showed him trying several different options of this line that included, "Walrus teets, I've been setup." "Princess Anne on a pogo stick, I've been setup." "Rupert Grint's Knickers, I've been setup." And our personal favorite, "Skydiving Judy Dench, I've been setup." Between that and, "I told you his password wasn't Senor Whopperpants" and we couldn't stop laughing. It might be a thing where you had to be there, but for us, a pretty good end to the day. It almost made me forget about the ONE EMPLOYEE. But not quite.