Ok, I don't in any way really think that Christmas time is pointless. It is my favorite time of year. However, this year, I noticed a number of things that our family was involved in that were somewhat pointless. My argument is that we should reevaluate each of the following items' necessity at this time of year. So I present my list of the Top 10 Most Pointless Things Associated With The Holidays: (Also mixed in are pictures from our family's Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years)
10. Trying to control weight gain I mean really, even if you are successful, life really sucks for you. Especially with the invention of cake/oreo balls. (Those had to be invented by someone Jenny Craig stabbed in the back on her way to the top as a form of revenge against not only Jenny, but weight loss in general. They are so amazing and now they are everywhere. Curse you little cake ball. I hate you even as I lift another one of your succulent brethren to my lips...where were we?) I mean every time I made a resolve, another wonderful plate of goodness arrived on my doorstep. By Christmas Eve, I pretty much had arrived at the attitude of Screw It! I may split my pants tomorrow, but I am going to enjoy these goodies and I refuse to feel guilty about it at the time. So there.
9. Wal-Mart. I realize Wal-Mart is pointless year round, but my utter hatred of them only increases with every Black Friday. I don't have any other store that I can go to and feel that adrenaline rush of shopping for amazing deals in the midst of quasi looting. I love that feeling as sick as that may be. But Wal-Mart keeps coming up with new and unique ways to ruin it. This year it was the check-out lines. How stupidly insane do you have to be not to open up every register at a time when the fire marshal has to come and shut your doors because too many people are in your store. (True Story) I will grant you that most of them were open, but about every third line was not. Thus we were allowed to feel the holiday spirit of 1 hour + wait times in lines of 30 or more people deep. If Target ever decides to move to the Gila Valley, I will immediately travel to France and start recruiting some of those idiots who rioted over being forced by the government to retire at age 62 instead of 60, and we will come back and burn Wal-Mart to the ground.
8. People Who Don't Pay Attention To Signs. Someone in a crowded Sears store totally ignored the sign and took a stroller onto the escalator and now they have accidently wedged it between the two sides right at the bottom. The entire escalator is full and now everyone is having to walk upstairs backwards while she tries to get her stroller out. Don't people read anymore...wait...is that Shannon? Oh crap! Scratch everything I have said up to this point and change number 8 to People who are unsympathetic to the plight of a young...youngish?...mother with young children? (We will let Shannon decide on the moniker)
As much as my wife is going to kill me for posting this, when she told me about this I just couldn't stop laughing. The visual of her stuck right at the bottom of a completely packed escalator which is causing everyone behind her to have to walk backwards is just too awesome. I want to fully say that I love her and feel so bad for her on this. During her shoving match with the stroller, the escalator ripped her shoe off, the man behind her started shoving her and the stroller in either frustration or an attempt to help...or both and all the while Kate was actually in the stroller. The worst part is, she was all by herself with all four kids. There was nothing I could do to help. The only reason she was in Mesa with all the kids in the first place was for me and my Christmas. My wife is awesome and deserves a medal for all she does as a mother, but especially for surviving and not killing anyone on this day.
7. Christmas Carolers. Here is where my grinch nature starts. The thing is, I have nothing against singing. I actually enjoy singing. I have gone out and caroled during past Christmas seasons. But I will be honest. I don't enjoy doing it or receiving it. This is nothing personal against anyone who has caroled or enjoys caroling, this is a personal issue of my own. The problem is, I just feel completely awkward. If I am singing, I feel like we should hurry up because it is cold outside and we have no idea what we may have interrupted. Also, you have to stare at each other. Which is always awkward for me. If you look away, it will seem rude, but if you stare at someone through the entire length of a song...well, next Sunday at church, just turn to the people behind you and stare into their eyes during the entire opening hymn. Now try and tell me it isn't awkward. If you are being caroled to, same issue with the staring, but then when the song is over, what are you supposed to do? It seems like you should invite them in, but what if your house is totally wrecked. And if they do come in, what then? It would be the same atmosphere as the first 10 seconds after everyone yells surprise at a surprise party. No one knows what to say or do. Everyone just stands around not sure what to do next. And the more successful you are at the surprise the worse it is. Because you have to pretend that you don't notice you have completely shattered someone's presentation of themselves and they may have even wet themselves depending on your effectiveness. What in the heck was I talking about? Oh yeah, caroling. Let's just say it seems a little pointless to me and leave it there.
6. Those Elf Hats With The Fake Elf Ears. Unless you are abnormally short, they just look stupid. And if you are abnormally short, you are just perpetuating stereotypes.
5. The Company Christmas Party. At some point in the decade of the 2000s (Will someone please come up with a good name for that decade already. We have had eleven years and still have bupkiss to show for it.) we all realized that the company picnic and other events designed to have people who work together socialize after work hours with their families are stupid. We don't like each other that much. Well, I don't know that that is fair, but the reality is that we see our co-workers sometimes more than we see our own families. So why would we want to be forced to socialize with each other even more? As a result, you rarely hear about company picnics or other events like that anymore. But somehow, the office Christmas party has survived. Is there another event in our country that has more forced conversation that these parties? Really? If you have one, please let me know. I just don't think there is anything more uncomfortable for a spouse than to go to where their significant other works and either talk about the weather or listen to shop talk. It's brutal. Let's just all agree to have companies provide a nice buffet during company hours and keep it for employees only. Just my two cents.
4. Meeting Santa at the mall or other stores. I don't have anything against meeting Santa Claus, I just don't like it in a retail setting. During this time of year, everyone is already stressed as it is. So somehow standing in a line for two hours to meet a nice(?) old man and then pay $12.95 for a crap picture is going to make that any better? Yeah, I don't think so. Also, for the first time last year, another thought hit me. We did the meet Santa and get a free picture at Bass Pro Shop. Kate was acting like she didn't feel well, but we went ahead and did the whole thing. Turns out she had strep. I pray we didn't give it to the nice (and he was very nice) Santa, let alone the next thirty kids in line. Maybe because we are a Mormon family and have the opportunity to meet Santa at the Ward Christmas party, I am being too hard on this tradition. But to me, way too much downside for very little reward.
3. Home and Visiting Teaching in the Month of December Ok, I don't really mean this one. But don't lie, you inwardly sighed when your home or visiting teacher asked if they could make a visit because you were so busy, you had no idea where you were going to fit them in. And that says nothing about looking at your schedule and trying to figure out when you are going to get yours done before Christmas. Still we all did it and are the better for it. Right?
2. Trying to Figure out When the Phrase "Time Flies" Became a Reality Seriously, didn't we have Christmas 2009 last week. I hate that I have become that person who looks at the children of family members and is so dumbstruck about what I am seeing that I blurt out stupid things like, "My gosh, you were only ___ tall when I saw you last. What grade are you in now? What? That is not possible." I know how much of an idiot I sound like to these youth because I can vaguely remember being one of those youth, but I can't seem to stop myself. It is sad when I am unfazed by the beauty of Christmas lights, but struck senseless by the passage of time.
1. Christmas Piano Recitals No offense is meant here to my children or any piano teacher alive. I simply had this thought as we juggled getting to four different events in one night during the December/Holiday season: I don't care about how well any other child other than my own plays. I am only there to see my kids play. However, I have heard them play the songs they are playing no less than 187 times. (Carol of the Bells has been banned from our home until next Thanksgiving.) Couldn't we just have the spring recital and we will invite Grandparents over to our house and have the kids play their Christmas songs at a time that is convenient to us. It may even be December 26th. I recognize this is one I am going to lose. Not only that, but my wife will tell me to shut up and suck it up and look like I am happy. I will, but mainly due to the fact that I can envision that my kids will have to go through this in twenty years during a hectic holiday season while I roll in as an empty nester without a care in the world. With the way time is cruising by, that should be some time next week.
Despite my best Ebeneezer Scrooge attempts above, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. So good in fact, that if I had the choice, I wouldn't change a thing...except for the Wal-Mart stuff, but that's a given.
Here also are some family pictures we took recently.
