Experiencing How The Other 1% Live

For several months, I had heard about the fancy golf course my sister-in-law Danica worked at but hadn't really paid attention to exactly what the course was. I had it in my mind that it was just a fancy public course that was like other fancy public courses I had played at where you are made to feel as if the staff is doing you a great favor by even acknowledging your presence, let alone allowing you to pay them large amounts of money to golf on their course. I should have paid attention a little closer because this wasn't exactly the case. More on that to come.

Cody had been trying to work it out with me to come and play the course for a couple of months. I am not sure of the exact way this works, but staff members are allowed to have a guest come and play in the off season as long as they aren't in anyone's way and don't embarrass anyone in any way whatsoever while they are there. Danica's last day was going to be on June 14th, but we worked out that I could make it on the 16th and the club allowed her to bring Cody and I two days after she was done. They apparently liked her and want her back during the busy season next year. Anyway, we were on and I made the trip down to play golf with Cody as well as get in a temple trip.

The part where I hadn't paid attention now came into play. They started to explain what this club really is. It is not a public course. It is a private club called Mirabel which costs $120,000 to join and then you get the opportunity to pay an additional $1,200 a month to be a member. That doesn't even cover your green fees. I started to get an idea that I was going to be in a place that was way above my pay grade.



So I drove down early that morning and went to the temple. Following my temple visit, I knew that clubs like this don't generally care for denim...anything. This was going to be a problem since my non-denim shorts and pants options had pretty much disappeared since moving to Thatcher. So I stopped in at Sears and found the cheapest non-denim shorts I could find. They weren't too bad. All right they were hideous. Especially when combined with my collared shirt selection for the day. (This selection has also suffered since I got on at the hospital). But at least I would be allowed on the course and my hideous clothing ensemble would probably be right in style with most of the senior citizen set who make up the clientale who would be golfing at that time of day on a Tuesday. Who knows, maybe if I had used some makeup to add some additional wrinkles to my face to go along with my almost translucent white legs and my "look at me, my rods and cones have degenerated so much I can't even tell what my clothes look like" wardrobe, I might have been able to take advantage of the special senior rate at King's Table later that day. (I am aware that King's Table no longer exists, but I had to give a shout out to the place where many a youth temple excursion ended before the long drive home. I just had to. And let's admit, nothing beat that bland, non-seasoned food of the King's Table.)

Anyway, after getting the shorts, (wow, I really got off topic in the above paragraph. Sorry!) I started driving north to meet Cody and Danica. I was cutting the timing close and it didn't help when I got lost for about 15 minutes. (Danica, there are two exits for Pima Road, just so you know.) Anyway, after what felt like driving to Utah, I finally got there and they put me in the back seat and got me through the gate. I hope this is the closest I come to experiencing an illegal border crossing. Once at the club house (Club Mansion), we walked up and had to dodge the odd Porsche or Jaguar. I walked in between two cars with my clubs and fortunately realized in time that the two vehicles combined had a value that would equal all of the money I have ever made since high school. I lifted the clubs above my head and didn't breathe while walking between them.

The really interesting thing is that the people who helped us out were much nicer than the jerky snots who work at the expensive public courses. However, that didn't mean I didn't feel completely out of place. I had to use the facilities before our round and when I washed my hands, it took about two minutes to realize there was no paper towel dispenser and that the rolled up hand towels were what I was supposed to use. I am such an idiot. An idiot in a bird poop orange shirt and non-matching plaid shorts.



We got out to the practice range and they had free balls to practice with. They had stocked our golf carts with four bottles of water and two towels. The carts had the full back support. There were comfort stations on the course where you could get free sodas and snacks. It reminded me of the Frasier where they opened up the restaurant together and they were talking about all the ways they could make it snooty when their dad says, "You could put snipers up on the roof and have them shoot anyone who tries to get in." I started looking around for the person who was clearly going to come up at any minute and tell me to get out because I didn't belong in this golfing nirvana.

Speaking of the golfing nirvana, that course was NICE!!! Especially the greens. It felt like I was walking on dense green foam. It was awesome. What was really awesome was that I ended up beating Cody by one stroke. I would break down the round in detail, but this post is already too long and most of you wouldn't care anyway.

I want to extend a massive thank you to Cody and Danica for getting me out there. It was a really awesome experience I won't forget.

In other news, the Safford City Council rescended the library fees for non-residents due to major public backlash. That is a good thing for our family, but the downside is that it takes the pressure off of Thatcher to upgrade our community. Oh well, we will keep at them. Also, Shannon said she was going to blog about my thirty...my latest birthday. I don't know if that is going to happen or not, but I am ok if it doesn't because as she stated, "Once you hit thirty-six, that is pretty much forty." Great. That is just great.