-Kanye West says "George W. Bush doesn't care about black people" during a telethon to help victims of Hurricane Katrina and is said to be a thoughtful patriot exercising free speech. I, or any other person in this country, say I don't agree with nor want Obama's healthcare proposal, and that makes me a rabid racist according to Jimmy Carter and several media outlets. Since I also do not support Cap and Trade, the removal of the missle shield from our allies in Europe nor trying to negotiate with Iran, I suppose I should get to work on starching my white sheets and polishing up my jack boots. Does anyone have any laundering tips on how to get the hoods to stand up straight? I am afraid mine will keep flopping over to the side and frankly if you can't do racism with proper fashion and style, is there really any point in doing it at all?
-We played "Corn Bag Toss" for Young Men's on Wednesday night. This game is kind of like horse shoes, except it is played with a slightly sloped board with a hole in it and bean bags with corn instead of beans. (Maybe I shouldn't mention this so close to a rant about racism. The "hick" factor of a game with corn bags and a board with a hole in it might be deemed a little high. Oh well.) You throw four corn bags to the board and if the bean bag stays on the board, it is worth one point. If it goes in the hole, it is worth three points. Rhett and I were playing Tommy Nicholas and Brenton Welker and we might have gotten a little full of ourselves when we made a slight wager on the outcome. If Rhett and I had lost, I would have had to have painted a green T on my cheek for tonight's football game. For those from Thatcher, I realize it is not a big deal. For someone from Duncan? This is tantamount to treason and possibly punishable by death. Rhett on the other hand would have had to use the word "sycamore" twice while conducting in church this week. Fortunately, we won and so Tommy will be wearing a slight bit of rouge to church this week and Brenton, who is our youth speaker, will have to fit the word "eucalyptus" into his talk. Appropriate? Probably not. But I am still looking forward to this way too much.
-How did my dad, in good conscience, tie a string to almost all of my teeth and yank them out of my head when I was younger? Braden's front tooth was practically horizontal this week and so finally, I gave him a deadline. (Actually I gave him several because I am a weak pushover.) When it could be put off no longer, I went and grabbed his tooth and yanked...it didn't come out. This is already after having attempted the string thing with him earlier in the week with floss and a hair ribbon, both of which failed miserably. It had to be kind of like being put up in front of a firing squad and repeatedly hearing, "Ready, Aim, Fire!!!" only to have everyone's gun jam at the same time. I don't know how that boy's heart took it all. Now Braden is sobbing "No no no no daddy, NOOOOOOOOO!" Well I gotta finish it now so I grab a hold and yank again. The sound of a tooth separating from the gum is a NASTY sound! Of course, once it was done, it was amazing how much bravery Braden suddenly found as he talked non-stop about his tooth removal experience. Meanwhile, I couldn't find Abby. She had two loose teeth with the other teeth coming in underneath them. She had been given the same deadline. Abby has always had big time trauma issues with teeth since she had a similar experience to Braden when we lived in Gilbert. We finally found her and with tears in her eyes, I looked at the two teeth needing to be removed. There was no way to really get a good hold without plyers (I only considered it for maybe 5 seconds. I am not really that cold.) So I told her she had one more day and then we were calling the dentist. I just couldn't do it. Good thing we went this route too. She had an additional tooth that needed to come out and it had to be removed in pieces. She has another appointment next month to remove her final three baby teeth and she will be done. Thank Heavens!
-Steve Carrell is a genius at painful, uncomfortable comedy. Anyone who is an Office fan will have to agree. His inability last night to restrain himself from giving in to the subliminal thoughts of calling Stanley's wife by his mistress' name had to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. It is good to have The Office back.
-I am back to despising Safford City government. They have gone the "non-residents pay more" route out at the golf course, which resides in Thatcher by the way. I know that there is no way that the same kind of resistance can be raised for the golf course that was raised for the library. Something about grown men having to pay more to hit little white balls with sticks at holes with flags in them just doesn't strike the same chord as denying the children of our community the opportunity to read books. Go figure. But it is still infuriating. If it was paid for by property tax it would be one thing. But it isn't. It is paid for by sales tax which we all pay. Secondly, as much money as Safford seems to be losing on EVERYTHING they do, it seems to me that maybe an outside entity ought to be brought in to look at the management issues in Safford first before they stick it to people who have no voting authority on what amounts to an additional tax for not being residents. I am sure Safford's Mayor, Ron Green, does not agree with my sentiments.
Yesterday, I had to give a presentation to a group of community leaders who are taking part in a year long program put on by the Chamber of Commerce. I had been presenting for about 10 minutes when I realized it was a little warm. Then I had a horrible thought that almost stopped me mid-sentence. Did I forget to put on deodorant this morning? Please know that this is not a common occurance, I just couldn't remember doing it. I still can't. I am not sure I did. Please tell me I am not the only one to have had this type of experience.
And with that, I have probably shared too much information and so we will end it here.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Where's Waldo
So leave it to the youth to come up with new and inventive ways for adults to embarrass themselves. A month or so ago, we had our ward youth planning meeting where we plan out the combined activities for the year. The laurels announced their idea and it was to play Where's Waldo. I had never played this game and so innocently I asked, "How do you play Where's Waldo?"
"It's where you dress up in a disguise, hide in Wal-Mart and we have to find you."
"Come again?"
"It's where you dress up..."
"No I heard that part, I had just hoped I hadn't. So you want some of your leaders to dress up?"
"And you...well the whole bishopric actually."
That was pretty evil I thought. Put you on the spot in front of all the youth and of course as they are describing the activity, the rest of the youth all start nodding their heads and smiling. There are just some times when you know you have been beaten. So, it was scheduled. The first Wednesday in September, several leaders from the ward and the entire bishopric would dress up and place themselves throughout Wal-Mart and wait for groups of teenagers to come find them. First group to find all the hidden leaders and get their signatures wins. I have to admit if I hadn't been one of the selected hiders, I would have thought this was a fantastic idea for an activity. But since I was a selected leader, I was now failing to see the spiritual growth that would occur based on this activity. Upon second thought, we would have to cancel and come up with a different idea.
But we didn't. So the night before, I found myself struggling with what my "Waldo Disguise" would be. My first thought was to get some self-tanning lotion and a do-rag and try to dress myself up as a Hispanic "gangsta" type of character. Well...let me just say that that self-tanning stuff doesn't do crap and now I have a big orange spot on my right calf. Anyway, now it is getting desparate. So Shannon goes out on the day of and procures a nice house dress fit for an eighty year old and wonderful wig that...well let's just say it fit with the house dress. That night, I put both of those on and some glasses, knee high pantyhose and a pillow in my basketball shorts underneath the house dress so I would have a little extra junk in the trunk and set off for Wal-Mart. Before I left, my kids got a little freaked out, especially Kate, but Braden did tell me afterward that he was glad I wasn't the old granny anymore.
It is funny that what seems ridiculous when you are in the comfort of your own home, begins to feel downright horrifying the closer you get to Wal-Mart. I pulled into the parking lot and probably would have just left if Rhett hadn't pulled up next to me. He had apparently been circling the parking lot waiting for someone else to arrive. He had chosen to go with the homeless guy look and was going to set up shop right outside the front door. That must have been a sight. A homeless looking guy and a large grandmother figure who couldn't have been less feminine walking together through the parking lot of Wal-Mart. Anyway, Rhett took his position and I walked inside trying to be inconspicuous while being the most conspicuous thing that has walked through their front door in over a week. I made a bee-line straight for the motorized carts and got in one and tried to hunch over and just get out of the entry way. I don't think I have ever seen a greeter in Wal-Mart with a more confused and slightly scared look on her face than the one I drove past. In fact, throughout the store, people would avoid looking at me until they were right even with me and then just turn and gape directly at me. That was kind of funny.
When I got in position in the pet food area, I filled my cart with dog food and started to wait. It hadn't been three minutes when over the loudspeaker I hear, "Security camera for men's wear, Security camera for men's wear!" I thought to myself, "Yep, we all must be getting in position. Let's just pray for no arrests."
I sat there for another 5 minutes when I see Shawn Wakefield trying to find a place to position himself in his disguise which consisted of...A HAT!!!! Are you kidding me???? That was pretty lame and he got an earful later, but anyway, he looked right at me, but I could tell he didn't recognize me as he started into the garden center. So I hunched over and slowly turned my cart into the garden center. As I wheeled in, I saw him walking and called out, "Wakefield!" He looked back and couldn't see anyone who would have called his name and kept right on walking. I followed him for a little while until he finally turned and looked at me, did a double take and then realized who I was. His response? "You have got to be kidding me?" No I don't suppose I am.
As it turned out, most of the leaders didn't go all out in the dress up department, but a few did. One of those who did was Tommy Nicholas. He is maybe thirty at best and has dark hair. He dressed himself up in a dirty gray wig with a baseball cap took a nebulizer and the facemask and wheeled himself around Wal-Mart in a wheelchair. He also added a bit of weight to his physique. He looked awesome. He wheeled himself up to a few people he knew and none of them recognized him and he basically made them uncomfortable for a few minutes until he finally would reveal himself. He even went up to one individual and said, "Hey, remember me?" That poor man tried to pretend that he in fact did remember this individual and was asking how he was doing when Tommy finally told him who he was. He didn't find it near as funny as we all did later on. Another good one was Nathan Smith who dressed up as a very large fat lady. He even went with the makeup and everything. I didn't get a picture of him, but I heard he looked awesome. The funny story there is he looked real enough that most people were buying the character. So when he went to leave, he wanted a Coke and went to the check out. He felt around and realized he had no cash and so explained to the cashier that he only had a debit card. Apparently when he started talking, the cashier looked up at him quickly in horror. I would love to know what story that lady's family was told that night. Meanwhile, Rhett was so believable, that several of the youth walked right past him including his own son who looked him square in the face and didn't give him a second thought. This was a pretty good activity.
I couldn't bring myself to ride that cart back through the entrance dressed as I was, so I ended up making the switch in the dog food area and stuffed the whole outfit in my purse. It was still pretty embarrassing to have to ride that cart to the front of the store as a 36 year old man with a purse, but I will take that again as opposed to the old lady who got more stares than if Brad Pitt were to have walked through the door.
Below are some of the pictures of the different leaders "Where's Waldo?" outfits. I would love to do this again. But I have dibs on the homeless guy character. At least I wouldn't have to actually make it in the store.
"It's where you dress up in a disguise, hide in Wal-Mart and we have to find you."
"Come again?"
"It's where you dress up..."
"No I heard that part, I had just hoped I hadn't. So you want some of your leaders to dress up?"
"And you...well the whole bishopric actually."
That was pretty evil I thought. Put you on the spot in front of all the youth and of course as they are describing the activity, the rest of the youth all start nodding their heads and smiling. There are just some times when you know you have been beaten. So, it was scheduled. The first Wednesday in September, several leaders from the ward and the entire bishopric would dress up and place themselves throughout Wal-Mart and wait for groups of teenagers to come find them. First group to find all the hidden leaders and get their signatures wins. I have to admit if I hadn't been one of the selected hiders, I would have thought this was a fantastic idea for an activity. But since I was a selected leader, I was now failing to see the spiritual growth that would occur based on this activity. Upon second thought, we would have to cancel and come up with a different idea.
But we didn't. So the night before, I found myself struggling with what my "Waldo Disguise" would be. My first thought was to get some self-tanning lotion and a do-rag and try to dress myself up as a Hispanic "gangsta" type of character. Well...let me just say that that self-tanning stuff doesn't do crap and now I have a big orange spot on my right calf. Anyway, now it is getting desparate. So Shannon goes out on the day of and procures a nice house dress fit for an eighty year old and wonderful wig that...well let's just say it fit with the house dress. That night, I put both of those on and some glasses, knee high pantyhose and a pillow in my basketball shorts underneath the house dress so I would have a little extra junk in the trunk and set off for Wal-Mart. Before I left, my kids got a little freaked out, especially Kate, but Braden did tell me afterward that he was glad I wasn't the old granny anymore.
It is funny that what seems ridiculous when you are in the comfort of your own home, begins to feel downright horrifying the closer you get to Wal-Mart. I pulled into the parking lot and probably would have just left if Rhett hadn't pulled up next to me. He had apparently been circling the parking lot waiting for someone else to arrive. He had chosen to go with the homeless guy look and was going to set up shop right outside the front door. That must have been a sight. A homeless looking guy and a large grandmother figure who couldn't have been less feminine walking together through the parking lot of Wal-Mart. Anyway, Rhett took his position and I walked inside trying to be inconspicuous while being the most conspicuous thing that has walked through their front door in over a week. I made a bee-line straight for the motorized carts and got in one and tried to hunch over and just get out of the entry way. I don't think I have ever seen a greeter in Wal-Mart with a more confused and slightly scared look on her face than the one I drove past. In fact, throughout the store, people would avoid looking at me until they were right even with me and then just turn and gape directly at me. That was kind of funny.
When I got in position in the pet food area, I filled my cart with dog food and started to wait. It hadn't been three minutes when over the loudspeaker I hear, "Security camera for men's wear, Security camera for men's wear!" I thought to myself, "Yep, we all must be getting in position. Let's just pray for no arrests."
I sat there for another 5 minutes when I see Shawn Wakefield trying to find a place to position himself in his disguise which consisted of...A HAT!!!! Are you kidding me???? That was pretty lame and he got an earful later, but anyway, he looked right at me, but I could tell he didn't recognize me as he started into the garden center. So I hunched over and slowly turned my cart into the garden center. As I wheeled in, I saw him walking and called out, "Wakefield!" He looked back and couldn't see anyone who would have called his name and kept right on walking. I followed him for a little while until he finally turned and looked at me, did a double take and then realized who I was. His response? "You have got to be kidding me?" No I don't suppose I am.
As it turned out, most of the leaders didn't go all out in the dress up department, but a few did. One of those who did was Tommy Nicholas. He is maybe thirty at best and has dark hair. He dressed himself up in a dirty gray wig with a baseball cap took a nebulizer and the facemask and wheeled himself around Wal-Mart in a wheelchair. He also added a bit of weight to his physique. He looked awesome. He wheeled himself up to a few people he knew and none of them recognized him and he basically made them uncomfortable for a few minutes until he finally would reveal himself. He even went up to one individual and said, "Hey, remember me?" That poor man tried to pretend that he in fact did remember this individual and was asking how he was doing when Tommy finally told him who he was. He didn't find it near as funny as we all did later on. Another good one was Nathan Smith who dressed up as a very large fat lady. He even went with the makeup and everything. I didn't get a picture of him, but I heard he looked awesome. The funny story there is he looked real enough that most people were buying the character. So when he went to leave, he wanted a Coke and went to the check out. He felt around and realized he had no cash and so explained to the cashier that he only had a debit card. Apparently when he started talking, the cashier looked up at him quickly in horror. I would love to know what story that lady's family was told that night. Meanwhile, Rhett was so believable, that several of the youth walked right past him including his own son who looked him square in the face and didn't give him a second thought. This was a pretty good activity.
I couldn't bring myself to ride that cart back through the entrance dressed as I was, so I ended up making the switch in the dog food area and stuffed the whole outfit in my purse. It was still pretty embarrassing to have to ride that cart to the front of the store as a 36 year old man with a purse, but I will take that again as opposed to the old lady who got more stares than if Brad Pitt were to have walked through the door.
Below are some of the pictures of the different leaders "Where's Waldo?" outfits. I would love to do this again. But I have dibs on the homeless guy character. At least I wouldn't have to actually make it in the store.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)