What Does It All Mean?

It has been over a month since I last posted anything. That doesn't mean anything, it is just an observation. I chalk it up to the fact that I think every LDS member in the Gila Valley put their life on hold to a certain degree while we experienced the Gila Valley Temple open house. To say it was a once in a lifetime experience would not be giving it enough credit. It was incredible. It was life changing...and yes, it was thought provoking.

I am struggling today with thoughts of just who am I and what do I really believe. Not theologically, but rather how I would categorize myself in the world around me. (At this point, I can hear people saying, "My gosh, the last post and now this? Did Ryan join some meditative hippie commune? Not exactly.) My problem is, I have always been a right of right idealogical conservative. It made every decision I had easy. But today, in light of some soul searching, I am finding things aren't that easy anymore. And the really scary part is, I don't know that they ever were.

My favorite show Lost is going to end in five days. (Hang tight folks, we are going all over the board today.) At this point, after all my praise, adulation and fawning over this show, if you haven't started watching it yet, you probably aren't going to. That is your spoiler warning. So some thoughts on it. The character that is representative of a Christian philosophy of good has a belief. He believes all men have an inherent bit of good in them and that given time, he will find human beings who will choose goodness over evil. His counterpart believes that is pointless thinking because all human beings are corruptable and inherently evil. The main problem is, the evil being is willing to get in and mix it up with the humans while the good counterpart believes if he interferes, then the whole exercise was pointless because people have to choose goodness for themselves, not be forced or coerced in any way. With a few tweaks and changes this is how I believe God works with us. The unfortunate part is that there are many day to day issues that on first inspection seem very easy to say what is right and what is wrong and take a strong stance for what I believe to be good. But upon closer inspection, is it God that actually told me which side to take in an issue? Does God even have a side? Or is it as I have come to believe that God is saddened that so many of our national, state, community and family issues have come to the point that they have. That free agency got us into this mess and now we have to use free agency to get out. And lately, largely due to my experiences at the temple open house, I have come to believe that God really doesn't care about most of the issues of our day. He still only cares about one thing. And it is the same thing that would consume my every thought if I sent my children away without a guarantee that they would return. Just get them home. From that perspective, I share my thoughts regarding two issues that are at the forefront of my mind today.

Arizona is voting today on a proposition that would raise our sales tax. In my life, I have never supported a tax increase that I can remember. By my principles, I probably shouldn't have supported this one. Without getting into the specifics of how we got here as a state financially, the state has real issues with its budget. If the proposition doesn't pass, major cuts to education, healthcare and public services will be greatly affected. Now in a perfect world, the state would come to me and I would offer my great sage advice and instruct them on how to fix the problems without having to raise taxes. We could consolidate school districts, we could do away with the double dipping that takes place with educators retiring and then going back to do the same job in essence collecting two salaries and the list goes on. But that isn't reality. The same goes for healthcare and public safety. The reality is, if it doesn't pass, many people I know will likely lose their jobs. Two of the three largest employers where I live are EAC and the hospital. Both would be majorly impacted along with all of the other school districts, the county, the towns and cities and prisons that keep our local economy going. I understand and accept the argument that factoring in those things would make my decision emotionally based. That is true. But for me, what I keep coming back to is this: God gives us all trials. So does that mean I should stand strong in my principles and allow those trials to come to those I know? Or is this my trial? Do I stand strong with my ideals that in theory if government is denied the extra money they will do the right thing? Or do I succumb and support giving extra money to a government that will undoubtedly spend it incorrectly? At the end of the day for me, it has come down to what can I do that will help my neighbor. I know this sounds awfully preachy and I apologize. It is not my intent to have my thoughts become anyone else's. In the spirit of full disclosure, the impact of prop. 100 not passing could affect my job. I have had assurances that it won't, but it could. Mainly, this whole issue has been weighing on my mind and needed an outlet to express my thoughts on it fully. I do not claim to have the right answer. And I am sure my view is full of holes, but to me this isn't really the point to what I am saying. The point is this: I have for too long assumed that my political philosophy was completely in line with God's. This whole process has caused me to question that somewhat.

The second area where I am finding my thinking being challenged is with Arizona's new immigration law. Fundamentally, I have supported it. I personally don't believe it will ever see the light of day, but I have been in favor of it. And like many others, the more people who aren't here make nasty judgements about us living in Arizona, the more firm my conviction about this law became. That was until I read this:

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2010/05/18/20100518arizona-immigration-law-mormon-church.html

I can't say that I have ever had one article so swiftly and profoundly change my view on an issue. If you didn't read it, I highly encourage you to do so. Nothing has changed my belief that the Federal Government needs to take a more active role in securing our border, or that citizens in Arizona need to be provided safety and security. However, if this law is being perceived by anyone, who would otherwise be interested in joining Christ's church, as threatening, it isn't worth it. Even if it is only one. The worth of the soul is great and so if one individual is kept from baptism because of a law, right or wrong, fair or unfair, it isn't worth it. I recognize that it doesn't change our problems. Illegal immigration causes a massive depletion of our state funds. (See Above Paragraph) Violent crime continues to be of grave concern in our neighborhoods. Working in the hospital environment, I am aware of the great drain that illegal immigration is causing on our healthcare. But what is really important? I now believe we have to find another way. I don't know what it is. I don't know that any idea will ever be met with support that doesn't cause this same issue. And if so, then we have to find another way. Because we have to take care of what is most important first. Bringing God's children home, one soul at a time.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I don't expect hardly anyone to agree with me. To be completely honest, there are times I don't agree with myself on this. I just go back to what I felt and what I saw of those who attended the temple open house. It just brought home to me what is important. I don't even pretend to live it everyday, but I am trying to wrap my arms around the idea of approaching each day and each issue with the idea of what really is most important. We'll see where it gets me.