From My Small Window

I don't know if the fact that so many of my posts lately have taken on a more somber note is a reflection of a maturing and deepening trend that I am experiencing or if I am just slipping into a nasty depression that threatens to engulf my very being. I guess only time will tell. But I apologize upfront if this post is on the down side. Sometimes it just works out that way.

Have you ever had to (or just did whether it was warranted or not) discipline a child pretty severely to the point that they are crying and everyone is upset? It is probably one of my least favorite things about being a parent. Especially if I look back and realize that my actions were actually more than the infraction called for. Anyway, more than once, I have been coming down on one child and another child will begin crying for their brother or sister, even though they are completely not involved. They will beg for mercy for their sibling even if the sibling is being punished for something they have done to them. It is one of the tenderest and yet most gut wrenching things to have happen to you. At least to me anyway. I mean I feel so thrilled that my one "innocent" child is feeling such compassion for their sibling and yet if the punishment or lecture is justified, it has to continue. If it isn't justified, I stop and feel like a complete idiot. But that isn't my point. My point is that the one child doesn't understand what is happening fully and sees only the pain being felt by their brother or sister. It doesn't mean they stop loving me. Just in that instant, they want the unhappiness or pain to stop because it seems so unjustified. Today, I feel a little like that other child.

A good friend of mine has three young kids. One of them is special needs. A couple of years ago, his wife was diagnosed with cancer. They had treated her and all was well. Until she felt ill last night and went to the Emergency Room. The cancer has returned and it has spread. I haven't spoken to him and I don't know the prognosis, but it sounds eerily similar to what my mother experienced and so my experiences have taught me this will not end well.

And here is where I struggle. I know all the platitudes about our trials making us stronger and each person has things they need to learn in this life, but seriously, I don't get what the hell good it does for those kids to lose their mom. I don't get it now any more than I got it nine years ago when my brothers-in-law lost their dad just as they were facing their trying teen years. From my limited perspective, it seems so unfair. I also know all the doctrine and realities of families being sealed together and the strength we are supposed to derive from that knowledge. And I am very thankful for it. Without it, an extremely difficult situation would quickly go to paralyzing for me. But the hard facts remain that faith and strength don't have arms to hold anyone with. I look at my daughters and realize my faith would come up way short when it comes to facing life. They need their mom. I mean really need their mom. I am so inadequate. But there are so many daughters who don't have that luxury. And I don't understand why. I hope someday I do. Because I don't mean to be flippant here, but that would be the eternal equivalent of not being given answers to certain aspects of Lost after devoting six years to it and just being left with "figure it out yourselves." I will be highly disappointed should this be the case.

Ok, now that I have gotten that all out, I need to follow that up with how much I have been blessed by the same God I am expressing some frustration with. I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve. And I wouldn't even say that I am frustrated with God, just frustrated by my perceived inequity of it all. Maybe I am feeling guilt. Because at this point, I don't have to deal with the issues my friend does. I fervently pray I never do. It is similar to my feelings after 9/11. I mourned and expressed my sorrow for all of those who were lost, but secretly I thanked God that it wasn't me or my family or anyone we knew. And because I felt that way, I felt guilty. I didn't love my fellow man enough to be willing to take their pains for them. I would have run from them.

Which, I guess, coming full circle helps me gain a greater appreciation for my Savior. He was willing and He did.

I don't have a pithy ending for this post. I don't have a statement that ties it all up nicely with a good little moral lesson for us all to ponder on. There are too many emotions at play for me. This news coincides with a small and insignificant event that took place last night. I had out some photo albums and Kate opened them. There was a picture of my mom and Shannon said, "Look, there is grandma." Kate looked at her confused, because grandma is my mother-in-law, not my mom. This news today taps into one of my biggest fears regardless of which side of the coin I would fall on. It is just almost more than I can bear. And if I feel this way, why should he and his wife feel any different. The difference is, they have to deal with the realities, while I only have to deal with the possibilities. I will have nightmares about this. I always do.

I Hate Kobe Bryant...Bless His Heart

I have heard from several people that you are allowed to say whatever you want about someone as long as it is followed up by "Bless their heart!" I am sure that is probably faulty logic, but in this case I am going to use it.

Tonight, we get game 7 of the NBA Finals between the Celtics and the Lakers. To understand why I even care, you must understand I lived and died by the Celtics during high school. I was an unapologetic Larry Bird fan. While girls would be writing their first names in a note book followed by the last name of whatever boy they were obsessed with at the moment, I would be just as secretly writing the names of the starting five as follows:

Larry Bird,F - 33
Kevin McHale,F - 32
Robert Parish,C - 00
Danny Ainge,G - 44
Ryan Rapier,G - 34



I believe my record for most Celtics shirts owned at one time was 4. I have documented previously that I nearly broke my hand during a Celtics-Pistons game by punching a brick wall. (SMART) I just loved the Celtics.

Well, if you grew up in the '80s and loved the Celtics, that meant you by default, HATED the Lakers. And I did. I despised Magic Johnson and his stupid little grin (ok massive grin). I thought Michael Cooper pulling his socks all the way up to his knees made him look like an idiot (although I have a similar picture of me in junior high with the same fashion selection. I choose to forget that.) Kareem was a doofus in those goggles and anybody who wore glasses like those Kurt Rambis wore deserved to be pummeled in the face repeatedly just as an example to others. I was a tad strong in my feelings.



Fortunately, I have matured since that time. I have let my life's interests include more than basketball. I have mellowed in my disdain for players on teams I don't root for. I had pretty much transformed myself into a live and let live peacenik when it came to rooting for professional basketball. (Ok truthfully, I pretty much stopped watching NBA basketball regularly for the last 20 years.) Then came Kobe Bryant.

Kobe Bryant came straight out of high school and told everyone that he wanted to play for the Lakers. It didn't matter who drafted him, he was playing for the Lakers. That irked me.

Over the next several years, nothing was too bad because he was just part of the Lakers team that I still hated, but was not getting too worked up because of my new zen-like approach to NBA basketball. I will never like the Lakers, but no player was worth HATING!

Then came the split between Shaq and Kobe. I got irked even more because he appeared to be a spoiled little brat. Oh well. But it just got worse. He once got upset with the media dogging him about hogging the ball all of the time so he refused to shoot the ball for an entire half. IN A PLAYOFF GAME! They lost. I really started to dislike this kid.

Then there was the rape allegation. Regardless of guilt or innocence, when he bought a $4 million ring to make everything ok with his wife, I started to slip into despisement.



Now, I just hate him. I hate the way he makes shots he shouldn't that are just incredible. I hate that he is so good. I hate that stupid face he makes when he wants everyone to know that he is intense. It is his, "Hey look everyone, I am now intense" face. It makes me think of a woodchuck. Look at the picture. I now call it his woodchuck face. I hate that he tries to pretend to be a great teammate while everyone is watching while the reports just continue to flow in about how lousy of a teammate he is. I just don't like Kobe Bryant.

It has brought out a side of me I thought I had been able to supress. It isn't pretty. I look at the Lakers and see Pao Gasol. I mean come on, try just a little bit to fight the stereotype of non-hygenic european and appear to bathe occasionally. Then there is that jerky little Russian dude who forgets we aren't playing the World Cup and flops on the floor like he was shocked by a taser gun at the slightest bump. Oh but if he gets called for a foul? We need to call Matlock because no one has ever been more wrongfully accused than this guy. AAAAAGHHHH!!!! Then there is Ron "Why don't I go into the stands and start a riot" Artest. Enough said. I find that because of Kobe, I hate these Lakers as much if not more than the '80s Lakers and I didn't think that was possible.



So tonight, even though I do not have anywhere near the attachment with anyone on this Celtics team as I did to that group that played in the '80s, I pray they win. Unfortunately, I know they probably won't, but I sure hope they do. Seeing Woodchuck Boy holding the trophy again is enough to make me swear off NBA basketball for another 20 year.

Things I Don't Understand

There are just some things in life that defy explanation. You try, but it just isn't going to make sense. Recently, we have experienced some of these things and I share them with you now.

Sonic Drive-Thru Math

We in the Rapier household strive to be honest. It isn't always easy. And sometimes the lines on honesty can be gray. For instance, when we moved into our house, we called the local cable company and requested high-speed internet and the most basic television package (13 channels, most local). We lived with this set-up for about 6 months and continually had issues with the internet going down. We called several times and they would come to fix the problem and yet the problem remained. Then one day they came...and magically all was well. About two weeks later, we asked my brother-in-law Clinton to babysit while we attended the evening session of Stake Conference. We came home to find him watching ESPN (not part of the 13 channel package). In my euphoria at what I was seeing on my television screen, I blurted out, "How...Howww...How did you make this happen?"

Clinton looked at me kind of funny and said, "I turned the channel to ESPN."

We thought it might be some kind of promotion so we lived with it for a couple of days and then we called the cable company. Again, we really try to be honest. We reported that we had free cable. They said they would take care of it. About a month later, we tried again and phoned them to report our free cable. I mean, we reeeeaaalllllly try to be honest. After that, we gave up. I suppose if I wanted to be honest beyond belief, I could send extra money each month with my bill or call them weekly to report my free cable, but instead I have chosen to take the approach that at some point, I have done my due diligence. I mean, we cut the cable last year when we were putting in our new sprinkler system and they came and fixed everything up and nothing changed. We are going on five years now. Add to the fact that I have grown addicted to Psych, White Collar and, of course, Sportscenter and really I choose to believe they must not be able to fix my problem. No really, I do believe that. So we co-exist as we do.

Anyway, I share that only to back up my claims that we try to be honest, but we do have our limits. This leads me to our Sonic experience. They have started a summer promotion where you buy one milk shake, you get one free. Even on your next visit (in the form of a coupon). So it is Monday night, we think that is a pretty good deal for the whole family. Normally I would not share that Shannon had already been there earlier that day and so everyone was getting a second shake except for me who felt totally robbed and wanted a shake of my own. But in order to fully understand the story, I have to share that. Because, Shannon told me that her cost earlier that afternoon was $5.39 so if I only had $8, I might be cutting it close. Imagine our surprise when they let me know that my total bill was $5.29. Keep in mind, my order was exactly the same as Shannon's earlier except that I had added a large shake bringing the total number of shakes to 5. Think that through folks. Buy one get one free works best for those with an even number. Let alone, how did we get it cheaper. Well we figured that part out. The promotion is not supposed to include the specialty shakes, but Shannon, always one to accept what she is told, asked if she could have a specialty shake even though she knew it wasn't part of the promotion. They said yes. I, being so concerned about honesty, would never have done that, but I digress. So we are getting 5 shakes (by the way, I ordered a large while the others all got regular, just as they had done earlier. It had something to do with I didn't get one earlier and it wasn't fair so I ordered a large...yadayadayada. Not important, except that it was a full large shake above the order placed earlier that day) for $.10 less than before. I pull up to the window and tell the girl working that I am not sure she charged me correctly. She looks at me funny and shuts the window. A minute or two go by and the window opens and she states that I was right, I had been charged incorrectly and the price is actually $4.79.

I am literally stunned at this point. I get out my money and she hands me the first shake along with the receipt. We get all the shakes in the car and I ask again if she is sure because it appears on the receipt that I am not being charged for the large shake. She takes the receipt, closes the window and goes to talk to who I can only assume is a manager. They converse for a moment or two and she comes back, opens the window, says again that my cost is $4.79 and gives me change from my $5, my receipt and a coupon for a free large shake on my next visit to Sonic as it is a buy one get one free promotion. Some might say that a truly honest man would have parked the car and walked in and demanded that the correct course of action be followed. Me? I rolled up my window and drove away enjoying my shake. I mean, I really tried.

Graduation Happy

Don't get me wrong. I truly enjoyed attending Logan's graduation from pre-school a couple of weeks ago. It was awesome and all of those kids were just cuter than heck. If you don't believe me, check out the pictures. But really, I don't get the graduation thing from pre-school. Ok, I do get it, it is a photo op for parents. But still. They don't really do much. They all get a diploma regardless of how much they paid attention or actually learned anything. The only thing they really remember are the field trips and the experiences where something disgusting happened...You know what, I am wrong. Pre-school graduation is totally legit. I just looked at my reasoning and realized that I could just as easily have been describing most high school graduations. GO PUBLIC EDUCATION IN AMERICA!!! (I realize the irony based on my Prop 100 stance listed below. To my public school teacher friends, I blame the parents.)

Anyway, Logan graduated and was very proud of himself. His teacher read some quotes from the kids and Logan was responsible for at least three of them, including his public declaration that he is going to marry Molly (Brown). My little boy is growing up and headed for Kindergarten next year. I wonder how mom is going to do with that.







Humane Fishing

One thing that makes no sense to me at all is the idea of promoting Catch and Release Fishing. Let's examine. We take a few thousand fish and put them in a lake. We then turn a bunch of human beings loose on them with anything from worms to a unique invention called Powerbait (I cannot for the life of me figure out what is appetizing about that stuff to a fish. It stinks and is flourescent. While that is a great description of my daughters dirty clothes, it shouldn't be a good description of food.) So these fish then eat a meal only to have the meal jam itself into their tongue, throat and or cheek and jerk them mercilessly through the water and out into an environment where they can't breathe. Then some huge entity jams metal pliers into its mouth and removes the gosh awful hook and then tosses it back into the water to be humane and let the fish live so it can go through this whole process again in a couple of days. If I survived treatment like this a couple of times, I can only imagine the fun my therapist would have with my fear of food issues.

As it happens, we in the Rapier clan felt that was just too mean so when we traveled to Alpine yesterday to go fishing, we went with the much more humane "Catch, Release and watch the fish convulse until dead." This is not a commonly advertised approach. (To be clear, this isn't the approach we were trying to take, we just apparently are very bad at Catch and Release Fishing. We tried very hard to help our fish live, but they did not want to play along.) But we sure had a great time. Trip highlights included Braden catching two fish (he was the first one to catch anything), Kate puking in Mule Creek and us realizing we didn't bring any extra clothes, Logan making Shannon follow him up the hill to the outhouse not once but twice and a great dinner to cap it off at the Alpine Grill. Memorial Day was good.

Below we have placed some pictures from this event as well as pictures of Logan's three stich gash on his forehead, Logan losing his first tooth, Abby's team winning 2nd at the knowledge bowl and Braden getting his Bobcat at his first Cub Scount Pack meeting. Busy month.