Now That Is A Great Line

I think too much. Ok that is a stupid thing to say. I think too much about inane, weird stuff. I think it is a defense mechanism to keep myself from thinking about actual life stuff that I don't want to think about anymore. Heaven knows I have enough of that to think about recently. So I have been thinking about great lines from television shows or movies that I love or that I have a deep connection with for whatever reason. Now I know some of you are thinking..."What???" Just hang with me here. The reason I am thinking about this is for a couple of reasons. Also, you are seeing why I can't ever just say something simply. I have to give you a good deal of background into my thinking. Otherwise, if I just blurt out where my mind is at the moment, I may appear slightly unhitched (unhinged??? whatever) and in need of mental assistance. So let me begin again somewhere else.

My wife recently had to get a new cell phone. A non-sensitive husband might point out that this is the second cell phone to break in my wife's posession within a ten month period. That same husband might also point out that this is at least the third phone she has broken since we have been married. The jerk might go on to mention that he has never broken a cell phone yet. (Of course that would just be asking for trouble...and a broken phone...and a pretty good size dent in the wall where it "just broke accidently") A truly awful husband might make a connection between the broken phone and the desire of his wife to start texting...therefore needing a different phone to facilitate this desire. But me, I am nothing like that and love nothing more than to visit the Verizon store during my lunch break with the sole purpose of making my monthly bill go up. I live for those kind of moments.

Just kidding sweetie...I know it wasn't your fault. (Did I mention that I have a wonderful wife who loves nothing more than to be teased slightly? I am very lucky. And might be getting close to pushing my luck. Time to move on.)

So everytime Shannon or I get a new cell phone, we have to find a new ring tone. This is a fun ritual that incorporates the whole family. Some of our favorites from both mine and hers include:

-The Psych theme song

-Indiana Jones theme

-The Imperial March (Darth Vader Song) - Set on my phone for when her mother calls. (Did I mention that I am also fortunate to have a mother-in-law/step mother who enjoys being teased as much as her daughter. I am so lucky I might find myself being dropped over a bridge with cement shoes one of these days.)

-Yosemite Sam saying, "You better say your prayers rabbit, I'ma gonna blow you to smitherenees."

-Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated Theme

-Brad Paisley's "I'm Gonna Miss Her" -Set for when Shannon calls me (Again, just teasing.) As I am writing this, I am really starting to question how I am still married. I better buy flowers on the way home.

So as we were going through the options of what to put on her new ring tone (it is currently set with the theme song from the show Chuck...but that might change) we started coming up with quotes that we love. It made me start thinking of all my favorite movie quotes. At the same time, Abby was finally deemed old enough to watch The Lord of the Rings movies and we have been watching them with her for the last few nights. There are some profound quotes there that I love. So I have been thinking of my favorite quotes from movies or TV and why they are my favorites. Some of them are just because they make me laugh. Others are because they resonate with my beliefs and others have meaning for me because of the time in life when I heard them. For posterity's sake, I share some of my favorites with you now:

"I Will Smash It With A Hammer...HA HA HA HA HA...Or To Save On Postage, I Will Poison Him With This."

Whenever one of my children uses something of their's incorrectly or in a way that annoys me greatly, I always threaten to smash it with a hammer. I am pretty sure that stems from this Emporer's New Groove quote. In fact, it has gotten so cliche, that now I will start out by saying, "Braden, if you don't stop doing ____ with that ____..." "I know dad, you are going to smash it with a hammer." Inevitably, Abby will follow this up with a perfect Ysma impersonation about how to save on postage...yada yada yada.

"Open This Door And I Will Burn Your House Down

Don't You Mean Or?

Fine, Open This Door Or I Will Burn Your House Down"

This quote is of course followed by a great discussion between the characters of Ysma, Kronk and Pacha's children about the importance of conjunctions. For those who have seen The Emporer's New Groove, you are smiling and nodding and thinking of the other 30 great quotes from this movie. If you haven't seen it, SEE IT. I think it is possibly the funniest animated Disney movie ever made. Not saying best, just saying funniest. (If anyone has one that is overall funnier, I would love to hear about it.)

"Well, If They Cut Off My Hands, At Least My Lucky Shirt Will Fit."

This line in Maverick follows the great scene where Maverick is having a conversation with the Indian Chief that in no way resembles what the conversation sounds like to everyone around who can't understand what they are saying. Rereading that sentence, I understand that once again, if you haven't seen the movie, it probably makes no sense. If you have...great scene isn't it? This is a great line to give your significant other every time they accidently shrink one of your shirts. (I am sure that has never come up at our house...oh wait, it has. But it was me who shrunk something of Shannon's. $10 says I hear this quote tonight.)

"Oh Niles, Stop Exagerating. You Make Everything Sound 50,000 Times Worse Than It Is."

Shannon and I will quote this back and forth to each other all the time. In fact, we quote hundreds of different Frasier quotes to each other all the time. It could be because we have seen every episode at least 5 times.

"I Stopped Having Sex And I Don't Know No Portuguese"

This line from Seinfeld, for better or worse, lends itself to the realities of marriage from a man's perspective when one compares the habits of newlyweds vs. 15 year veterans. After a very busy week, this one may get pulled out and used at our house. At least we can laugh about it.

"I Once Saw Ringo Starr...Or Maybe It Was That Topol Person.

Ringo Starr And Topol Look Nothing Like Each Other.

Right.

So Not Really A Classic Anecdote Is It?

No, Not Really?"

This exchange in Notting Hill will get repeated in some form every once in a while at our house when someone starts a story that never really gets to the point the person telling it was hoping for. Since none of our kids have actually seen Notting Hill, they don't quite get it when Shannon or I will use that quote on them following one of their meandering stories. That's ok. We get it.

"Men Of Robert's Age Are Prone To...Weakness"

If I could somehow find a way to quote the whole movie of the Incredibles on here I would. This isn't a quote that we use, it is more a quote that causes me to think. In fact, the whole movie causes me to think. As a man approaching 40 (I know I am only 37, but at the rate time is going, I will be 40 tomorrow)I am beginning to understand the thought process behind a mid-life crisis. As teenagers, we are constantly told we can be anything we want to be. We can even be president if we want to. Follow your dreams. Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean. At no point during that kind of encouragement are we ever told..."You can be whatever you want to be. You could be a marketing person for the small town hospital in your hometown. You could have the dream life of taking out the trash 4 to 5 times a week. You have the potential of being a world class poop, throw up, spill cleaner upper." I guess what I am saying is that the realities of life sometimes don't measure up to the "Follow Your Dreams" speech we get fed a lot during our teens and early twenties. In fact, there are times (and they are few and far between) I look at my life and think, what are you doing? Or sometimes I think, what have I done that has any meaning. Now before anyone condemns me to hell immediately for discounting my family, that doesn't necessarily enter the equation yet. I of course love my wife and kids. More than anything. It is just, sometimes you are told how talented you are when you are young and what amazing things you can do. And then one day, you wake up and from the world's point of view, you haven't done any of them. It is pretty sobering and can be depressing.

I desperately wanted to be on the radio when I was younger. I was told all the time how my voice was perfect for something like that. So, I went to college and got a degree in Broadcasting from ASU. Unfortunately, by the time I finally graduated, my first little daughter was six months old and I could see that life in the radio business was not going to be family conducive. I made a choice to walk away from that whole dream. Since then, my professional life has not been the most fulfilling. Since I couldn't do what I had wanted even though that was what I had a degree in, I now was somewhat stuck. I kept trying to find the right fit while still supporting a family and allowing my wife to stay home with our kids. Today, I can't really complain. I have finally landed in a job that is pretty good. I have a wonderful family, a nice house and good friends and...well everything a good Mormon man is supposed to want. But every once in a while, I am like Mr. Incredible. In fact, Logan will actually quote Edna Mode and say something to the effect of, "My gosh you've gotten fat!" Wait, that isn't what I mean. What I mean is, I have all these wonderful blessings, but I can't help but wonder what if I hadn't walked away. What if I had made different choices right out of college? And that is where a silly kid's movie will have a dramatic impact on me. It will help me see that the following your dreams speech that I got as a teenager isn't a load of crap like I have been telling myself. It is really about accepting which dreams I decided to chase. And then, taking it one step further and realizing that what can feel like drudgery on a daily basis is actually the hard work people talk about when discussing what it takes to achieve your dreams. I love The Incredibles. I love the fun story and the fact that they have created a clean James Bond movie I can watch with my kids. But on a different level, this movie means so much more to me. It is justification that the life I have is ok. In fact, it is better than ok, it is Incredible.

"A Parent Should Not Have To Bury Their Child"

This quote from The Lord of the Rings has hit me hard every time I see it. It is interesting because I saw it again last night for the first time in a while and it hit me just as hard last night as it ever had. I think the reason is because that scenario is my worst nightmare. In fact it is often the subject of my nightmares. (Along with getting called on a mission again just as I am about to get married to Shannon or after we are already married. But I digress...)

What is interesting is that I have known several children who have died at different points of life when their parents are still alive. But my mind always goes to the same person when I hear this quote.

Keri Webster was a couple of years older than me in high school. We knew each other and were friendly but I wouldn't say we were friends. She was pretty good friends with my brother and our circles overlapped here and there, but bottom line, we were not close. But there is a line from Friends that summed up my thoughts on Keri at the time. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever known in real life. She was the "it" girl in our high school. The funny thing about knowing Keri is that she was my first example of how being beautiful and popular didn't always equate to happiness. I was close enough to see some of the challenges she had to deal with because of her popularity. But she was a neat person and much kinder than you would expect based on high school stereotypes. In fact, I would find it hard to come up with someone who didn't like her. I am sure they existed, but I didn't know anyone. Anyway, after we had all graduated and moved on with life, I heard of how she had gotten ill and then suddenly, and unexpectedly, died from complications with her illness. I was not close enough to the situation to describe what happened and hope that my small description is acurate. But I remember how I was so stunned. Probably because I was 15, impressionable, hormonal and...I guess in other words young and immature when I knew her, Keri had seemed a little bigger than life to me. Even though I had not seen her in probably close to seven or eight years, I couldn't imagine her being gone from this life. I had just known that she would be one of those women who grew old gracefully and always looked 15 years younger than she actually was. For me, it was a personal 9/11 moment. One that stops your life in its tracks and makes you think for a minute or two about life in general. But almost immediately after I heard the news, my mind went to her mother. Donna Webster was one of my mom's really good friends. I had always liked her. I knew she had already had to deal with the death of her husband at a relatively young age. (At least by my recollection now, her husband passed away before this event.) As sobering as the news of Keri's death was to each of us who knew her, I could only imagine what this must be like for her mother. It was right around the time I had my first child. I remember thinking how completely unfair this was for her and how devastating this must be.

For some reason, when I saw the above quote in the movie a year or two later, my mind went immediately to Donna Webster and I felt for her loss again. It has happened every time. And out of those thoughts, I have contemplated the question: How long would be long enough with any of my children in this life? 5 years? 10? 20? The only answer I can come up with is that it will be whatever age they are when I die and hopefully not a day sooner.

"Why Do You Find It So Hard To Believe, Jack?

Why Do You Find It So Easy?

It's Never Been Easy."

For those who know me at all, you knew a Lost quote had to be in here somewhere. I like this exchange because I feel like I have been represented in each of the three statements at one point or another. Let's take the first one.

I look at the world around me and struggle to understand why people run so hard from God. The story in the Old Testament about looking on the staff for those who had been bitten by the snakes was one I had initially thought was weird when I was young. If all you have to do is look at a silly staff with a snake on it and it will save your life, what idiot wouldn't do that. Well, I suppose at some point in life we are all that idiot. But so many of the world's problems today would be solved if we would just stop trying to reinvent the wheel and try it God's way. Instead the laws of God are demeaned, ridiculed and summarily dismissed as old-fashioned and unenlightened. As a society, we would rather put our trust in ourselves than in diety. Suddenly the far-fetched idea of people refusing to look at a staff is no longer that far-fetched. It can make you want to scream, "Why do you find it so hard to believe?"

And yet, to be truthful, there are times when others' faith seems just out of my reach. It is hard when I hear the surety in people's voices as they speak of what they know. There are things I can't deny, nor would I ever want to. But I have questions that never entirely go away. Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning the existence of God nor the truthfulness of the Gospel, but sometimes in people's interpretations of things. I get discouraged when I hear justifications of people's political beliefs laid at the feet of the Church. I struggle when I am supposed to accept things with which I don't agree simply because they are part of a program that is endorsed by my faith and am lectured on my level of commitment because of my disagreements. I have never been able to understand the Church's position on blacks and the priesthood. And looking for answers does not help my lack of understanding. I have had to come to believe in my own mind that God may have always been ready to accept those of African descent into his Church. It may have been us as members that weren't ready.

So when I meet those who can accept everything so easily and whose faith is so pure, I am admittedly a little jealous. Because I find myself asking why is it so easy for you. Of course this is hypocritical of me, because I don't know at all about anyone else's ease of belief, only my own. But maybe in God's plan for me, that is the point, it was never meant to be easy.

If you have made it to this point, you are now thinking, "Wow, he really does think too much." Sorry. I had not had a chance to write for over a month and I guess it bottled up. Anyway, for those wondering what the picture at the top of the post is all about, this is a little bit of insight for those who wonder what it is I actually do in my job. I created that ad along with the one below in a new ad campaign that includes the tag line "Anything to Provide An Excellent Experience." As you can see, I try to have a good time in my job.