Monday, June 13, 2011

Hawaii Trip Day 5: What Is A Furiously Underworked Cop?...Oh



5:45 a.m. - I had really wanted to repeat my Wednesday morning experience on the beach outside our hotel so I had told myself to get up and get out there early. I figured I would get some really good beach time especially since Shannon had made it abundantly clear that her day was not going to begin before a seven appeared as the first number of the digital read out on the alarm clock. Since I have one of those pesky internal alarms, I generally wake up early and before the alarm goes off. I wake up and realize, I am absolutely beat. I close my eyes and decide I will try again later.

6:30 a.m. - Ok, still feeling wiped but decide I will get up and head out to the beach. Having learned from my previous experience, I have made sure that my hotel key is in the pocket that can be secured with velcro. Since I haven't replaced the one I lost at the airport this is our last key. Make my way down to the beach and enjoy another perfect morning on Maui.

7:18 a.m. - Head back to the room and Shannon is awake and moving. Our agenda today is to drive the Road to Hana. The Road to Hana is a fifty mile stretch of highway that goes right along the northeast coast of Maui. They estimate that between 1,500 and 2,000 cars travel this stretch of highway each day. It is supposed to be absolutely stunning.

8:30 a.m. - We are ready to rock and roll. On our many travels to Kahalui over the last several days, we have passed a general store, smoothie truck and fruit stand about 5 miles outside of Lahaina that has captured our interest. We decide for breakfast we will stop and buy a fresh Maui Gold pineapple and smoothie to go along with anything that might be good in the general store.

8:43 a.m. - It seems the fresh fruit stand is run by two brothers who appear and sound like they are Israeli. I would choose the roadside of Maui over the Gaza strip any day. I just throw this observation in to show support for my new found Israeli friends if that is the life choice they have made. If they in fact aren't Israeli and never have even seen Gaza then...I don't know, I guess you know where I stand on living either in Maui or in Gaza...just in case this should ever come up in the future. Am I actually still talking about this? Wow! Anyway, we get our pineapple and our smoothies and head over to the general store.





8:52 a.m. - As with pretty much all stores in Hawaii, this store is filled with thousands of souvenir options. This place appears to be the cheapest one we have found so far so we take some time to go shopping. Our tourist dollars for the day begin flying out of our pockets and we are still 30 miles from the Hana Highway. These people are good. I end up getting a shell lei that I have since hung up on the wall of my office at work. Shannon gets several things.

Now one of my worst attributes is that when Shannon is shopping and I am waiting, my mind begins to wander to a place where reason and sensible thought no longer exist. While she is making up her mind about the different items she wants to get, I wander and find freshly made sushi rolls. I then tell myself, "I like California rolls. They are pretty tasty sometimes. Ok, I have only really had them twice before. But I am pretty sure I liked them then. Maybe I should get some for breakfast."

Once we have checked out and are back in the car and I pull out my latest purchase, Shannon looks at me with horror and disgust. "Sushi for breakfast? Really?!? That is disgusting," is what her face says in a matter of milliseconds. She also points out that maybe, just maybe, buying uncooked fish from a convenience store just before setting off on a road that often takes people 6 hours to drive and has minimal bathroom options might not be the best idea. I assure her that any place that sells Dr. Pepper (one of which I also purchased) can be trusted and we set off.

Fortunately this is not a foreshadowing of some very ugly events ahead. The sushi was pretty good and it did not require any emergency stopping later on.



9:06 a.m. - Take my first bite of our fresh pineapple. OH MY GOSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!! It is so juicy that I can't keep the pineapple juice from running all over my chin and down my shirt. But I don't even care. It is AMAZING. I will never be able to eat a Bashas pineapple again, let alone that canned crap.

9:21 a.m. - Radio options in Maui are pretty limited. Most of them play either Reggae, Reggae/Rap or Hawaiian music. None of those three are listed on my Facebook page as a music option I prefer. Shannon either. We have found one station that does ok. But it is really all over the board. Here are the songs we heard while driving to Kahalui. Make It Real - The Jets, (I know, I haven't heard it since then either), All I Want To Do Is Make _________ - Heart, (Well, this is a family blog), Need You Now - Lady Antebellum, Love Story - Taylor Swift and several different Hawaiian Rap Songs. How is that for variety? I desperately search the dial one more time for Brad Paisley, but it ain't happenin'.

9:43 a.m. - There was some confusion in an earlier post about why I was keeping track of our son Logan's urinary habits. I apologize, I was actually kidding my wife by referring to her as Logan. In earlier blog posts related to previous trips we have taken, I have chronicled Logan's uncanny ability to NEED to use the bathroom at the most inopportune time. As recounted during our Utah trip, he had to go pee 5 miles from the next town. We could actually see the next town, but he couldn't wait and so we had one of those bare buns on the side of the road moments. Shannon did not have any bare buns on the side of the road moments...on this trip...(just kidding dear) but was needing restroom facilities at a fevered pace up to this point. As we arrive in Kahalui, a town with many restroom opportunities, I ask her if she needs anything. The response is negative. She informs me she took care of everything before we left.

9:51 a.m. - Five miles out of Kahalui, Shannon informs me she needs to use the restroom. That sound you hear is all of my teeth fracturing into dust from the pressure in my jaws. Our only hope is a town called Paia that we have never been to before. Based on our last Disneyland experience, we know that just because the name of a town appears on a map, it does not guarantee bathrooms.

10:03 a.m. - When we hit Paia, it has started to rain a bit. However, we are in luck as there is a Shell gas station. Shannon hops out and runs inside. Since I am not getting gas, I pull the car out of the way. Unfortunately, the only place protected from the rain is in the areas where you fill up. I am not in one of those areas. I pick up the guidebook we are going to use on our trip down the Hana Highway and start reading. I become so engrossed that I don't realize the rain has become torrential. I have to admit I jumped a little when the passenger door flings open and Shannon hops in. The look she gives me is not one of love and compassion one might expect on an anniversary trip such as ours. "What were you doing? I have been waiving at you for five minutes and...nothing!" My feeble, "I'm sorry" doesn't do much good. This drive is starting out spectacularly. I don't dare bring up that if she had gone back in Kahalui she wouldn't be wet right now for fear of becoming the lead story on the Maui evening news, but I was thinking it. Meanwhile, she is trying to control her breathing and get the mental image of me with a javelin through my head out of her mind. I hope this road is as soothing as peaceful as they say.

10:14 a.m. - The road becomes more and more tropical and over grown with each mile. It also becomes narrower. In fact, several times (over 30 by the time we get to the end) the road shrinks down to one lane on a blind corner. It was a tad nerve racking to drive, but my goodness was it spectacular.

10:22 a.m. - The beauty of the Hana Highway is stopping and getting out to see the unbelievable scenery. We make our first stop based on the suggestion of the Maui Revealed guide book. It says there is a short little hike that will lead to a really nice waterfall. We get out and start down the path. After just a few steps we start following a fence that has a sign on it that says, Private Property. After about 10 yards, there is a hole in this fence and the trail goes right through it. That is comforting. The guide book didn't say anything about getting shot over property rights.

However, the trespassing is completely worth it as you can see:





10:37 a.m. - Ok, I am feeling a little sheepish as now I have to go to the bathroom. I mean, I really have to go to the bathroom. That Dr. Pepper mixed with the juicy pineapple has run the gauntlet in record time and things must be addressed. I still am able to claim some urination moral high ground as Shannon says she needs to go again as well. Shannon points out that we are kind of in a jungle and I will be fine just going right off the trail that we have hiked on our way to the waterfall. She isn't that desparate, but I am. We let a group of people go by and then I run off the trail a ways and she keeps watch. I am a little worried as the guidebook has made it abundantly clear that public urination is against the law here. Fortunately, no problems.

10:44 a.m. - We get back out to the main road to find the group that we had let go ahead of us loading up in their van. And right there on the main highway is one of their party relieving himself for all to see. Now that is just crazy. You are in the middle of a jungle for the longest time and you wait until you are out on the main highway??? We both shake our heads, hop in the car and take off.

10:53 a.m. - Stop at another little trail that leads to a beautiful pool with a waterfall. One of the neatest things about this trail is that it is covered with fallen flowers from the trees above. It iss really pretty. However, we do not stay long as Shannon's needs have progressed quickly. We get back on the road and if possible, it seems to have gotten even smaller. I am really having flashbacks to driving on rural roads in Wales on my mission. Those were not incredibly safe flashbacks.







11:02 a.m. - Find public restrooms. Pee count: Shannon - 2, Ryan - 1

11:21 a.m. - We take off on a side road down to a peninsula the guide book says has a lava rock beach that is worth the time. The guidebook was correct. Before we get to the lava rock beach we see a sign in a drive way for freshly made mango bread. Ok, I gotta try that. And...totally worth it. When I bought it, I bought it for us. Unfortunately for Shannon, she got about one bite. It really was good. It tasted like pumpkin or banana bread only with a citrus kick and it was definitely more moist. I have really got to get a good mango bread recipe. Oh wait, I would need fresh mangos to make the recipe work. In the Gila Valley, that could be a problem.



11:30 a.m. - The waves coming up on the lava rock beach are a little more forceful than the ones we have seen at our hotel. We try to get some pictures that do it justice. In hindsight, I am not sure you can take pictures that will do it justice.



11:38 a.m. - There is a park right across from the beach with public bathrooms. Pee count: Shannon - 3, Ryan - 2.

11:46 a.m. - The guidebook tells us where to stop in order to get a perspective of a waterfall from above. It is pretty amazing. Again, pictures do not do it justice.



11:52 a.m. - We start down another side road to a village called Nahiku. It is weird to see that people who collect cars only to let them rust out and die live everywhere, even in paradise. We pass a couple of cars that the jungle is claiming for its own. As well as some mailboxes.



The plant life on this road is amazing. We see all kinds of things. We pass a couple of stands where we can get cold drinks out of a cooler or shell leis. There is no one working these stands, they are simply on your honor things. You don't see that everyday. At the bottom of the road is one of the prettiest little coves ever. We get a picture that Shannon calls "A Peak At Paradise".





12:06 p.m. - We are getting hungry for lunch. We refer to the guidebook and it tells us that there are several decent places for eating. It mentions a place called Coconut Glen's. We come upon a roadise stand with coconuts. However, there are chickens all over everything and so we decide if this is Coconut Glen's, we are giving it a pass.

12:13 p.m. - It wasn't Coconut Glen's. However, the actual Coconut Glen's doesn't inspire us to stop there either.

12:37 p.m. - We decide to try eating at the Nahiku Marketplace. Think of it as a stripmall made out of...palm fronds. There are several "stores" and a restaurant. The restaurant is basically picnic tables and a kitchen in a truck. But don't let the mental image fool you. As bad as it may have looked, the food was that good. REALLY!! We both got a shrimp dish with Shannon opting for the coconut shrimp while I went with the spicy shrimp.





Our waitress was Phyllis. She is an older lady who taught school in Southern California. She and her husband were going over their bills one night and realized they would never be able to retire. So, they decided to quit their jobs and move to where they most wanted to be and just work there. Which is Maui. Now, while her husband works his construction business, she waits tables two days a week and bakes coconut bread for a shop next to the "restaurant." Talk about guts.

Other highlights of the Nahiku Marketplace: A vendor who makes baseball caps out of leaves, Phylis' coconut bread and Shannon having the opportunity to use what she calls the outhouse in paradise. Much to her dismay, Shannon is getting enough experience with port-a-johns this trip that she may be qualified to go to work for Brooks Scarbrough when we get back. Oh, and the place has several chickens. I am cured of ordering any chicken dishes on this island. Pee count: Shannon - 4, Ryan - 2



1:26 p.m. - We are almost to Hana when we stop at a state park that has an actual black sand beach. The "sand" is actually very tiny pebbles that used to be large lava rocks. The waves come in and pound the lava rocks down into these pebbles that make up the beach. It was unbelievable. It was also a little scary. We are seeing upwards of 20 foot waves coming in that would clearly kill us if we were anywhere near them. Sometimes the power of God and nature is absolutely terrifying in its beauty.







1:43 p.m. - The black sand beach is just down the way from a blowhole. We walk the 200 or so yards to it and try and get some video of the water blowing up. As we are standing there, Shannon looks behind me and sees a wall of rain just bearing down on us. Of course, we are at the furthest point from our car. We get absolutely drenched. Once we arrive back at the car, the rain stops. Irony at its finest. However, being soaked, I take my shirt off to try and dry it out some. Shannon sees a sign that can be seen below and threatens to call the cops. There are some public restrooms right by the beach. Pee count: Shannon - 5, Ryan 3.





2:14 p.m. - We drive into Hana. This is definitely one of those drives where it is more about the journey than the destination. There is nothing wrong with Hana, but there is nothing spectacular about it either. It is just a small little Hawaiian town on the east side of Maui. We do however, know that there is a red sand beach here in Hana that we want to see. We try to follow the maps from the guidebook but we are not having very much luck.

2:26 p.m. - We believe we have found the place where we park to go to the red sand beach. One side of the road is clearly marked that you don't park there. But, it doesn't say anything about parking on the other side. However, when we read the guidebook, it is emphatic that Hana is infamous for "furiously overworked cops handing out tickets" to cars that are parked facing the wrong way on the side of the road that isn't marked regarding parking. We chuckled about the wording furiously overworked cops until we were able to turn around at the dead end of the little road and on our way back there is a police officer putting a ticket on the window of the only car parked on that little street. It is not parked on the side clearly marked for no parking. So I guess they were parked the wrong way and were unfortunate to meet up with a furiously underworked cop. Bummer! But I guess I am glad it wasn't us.

2:47 p.m. - We decide not to take any chances with the little street all together and park a few hundred yards down the road in a little parking lot. It was a walk but at least we are guaranteed not to get any parking tickets. We walk to where there is supposed to be a trail, but we aren't seeing anything. At the end of the little street is a back entrance to a hotel that specifically says we shouldn't be there. So what do we do? We go in anyway. This is where things get a little creepy. Ok, really a lot creepy. This was a pretty big hotel area and yet we did not see a single person. I am not talking about very few people. I mean we saw not one single person. Not a guest. Not a groundskeeper. No one! We kind of joke to each other that maybe some crazy person has killed everybody. When we laugh about our little joke, our laughter is definitely the nervous kind.

3:53 p.m. - After walking around, we realize that we are clearly not in the right place and decide to give up. The road to Hana actually continues on around the southern side of the island and makes a full circle. However, it is getting to be almost 4 and the one thing we know is that we don't want to be on any of these roads after dark. Also Rhett and Alysia Dodge told us the southern side of the island is basically Arizona desert with ocean on the side. So we decide to start back the way we came and just get back to Lahaina.

4:32 p.m. - So, by not stopping on our way back along this winding tiny road, we have caused Shannon to experience car sickness. We are faced with a real dilemma here. Do we go slower and make the curves less nausiating but take longer to get back or do we go as fast as possible and get back quicker but make the curves more of a factor. I opted for quicker. At several points I had the thought, "What are we going to do if she has to throw up?" There aren't exactly any places to pull over. Pulling over would require careening off of a cliff into a gorge hundreds of feet below. The upside I suppose would be that the scenery right before our death would be spectacular.

4:47 p.m. - We are in a huge line of cars that have backed up as we all make our way back. In the line are at least three Mustang convertibles. Before we had come, we had read that the best way to do the road to Hana is in a convertible. During our drive today we have seen no less than 25 Mustang convertibles. There had to be some rental place that specializes in them. As I think back over our day and how many times it rained on us during the drive, I would be livid had we spent a great deal of extra money so we could do the road to Hana with a convertible.

5:17 p.m. - Shannon calls and talks to the kids. During this discussion we discover that Kate has made it a pretty common practice to tell Tristen, "I don't like you." That is fantastic. We also learned that because she doesn't like Tristen, she actually locked her out of the van at one point. Nice!

6:18 p.m. - We get back to the hotel and relax a little before changing clothes and heading into Lahaina for dinner at The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. I do my best Forrest Gump impression on the bench outside but I am no Tom Hanks. The food is fantastic and we get seated right next to the ocean. No seriously, had I dropped my fork on the left side of the table, it would have been in the ocean. Our waitress is Aneen. She has lived on Maui for about a year and is originally from New Jersey. During our conversation, she tells us that she and her husband have lived several places and have developed a love for Mexican food. She says they have yet to find a decent Mexican food restaurant since they moved to Maui. This was our chance to shine. We turned a local onto Polli's. She was very grateful.



8:02 p.m. - We begin to walk Front Street and do some window shopping, I am really starting to hit a wall. Shannon wants some ice cream, but it is all I can do not to shut my eyes and fall asleep in the ice cream shop.

10:09 p.m. - We have arrived back at the hotel and just lay on our beds in a vegetative state with the TV on. I think we need some beach time before our vacation kills us. Final pee count: Shannon - 54, Ryan 6. Or something like that.

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