A Son's Regrets

Several months ago, my mother received a pretty devastating cancer diagnosis. As any family would do, we held out hope that treatment and faith would allow her to beat this. Unfortunately, following some follow-up visits this week, it does not appear that that will be the case. As I try to process what this means for me and my family, I am not dealing with shock or anger. I have felt from the first time we found this out that it would probably take this path. However, today as most options have been explored, I find my self seeing things that I am already missing in my future. Maybe this is my way of dealing with emotions that I can't yet bring myself to express outwardly, or maybe I just feel like expressing something that I can look back on and remember at a later date. Either way, below is my list of things that I regret will never happen because of our family's situation:

1. Kate will never know her grandmother. Unfortunately, Kate will also never know her grandfather Claridge and the knowledge and wisdom lost to her from these two individuals is vast.

2. Logan will likely not remember her. I can count on one hand the things I can remember from when I was three. They are not deep in depth memories.

3. My parents will not get to celebrate a 50th anniversary. I know this is pretty unimportant, but today it is important to me.

4. My kids will not get to experience fun outings to Duncan where my mom teaches them crafts and sewing and gardening. This has been a highlight for them.

5. My mom will not get to see Abby get married. I realize this applies to all my kids, but for so many events already in Abby's life, my mom has handmade clothes and items for Abby including her blessing dress and a dress up wedding dress when she was 4 or 5. We had some photos taken of her in that dress that I think we all anticipate will be used at her wedding. I know my mom would have made something special for that occasion.

6. My parents won't get to serve a mission. This had been a dream of theirs or at least hers for as long as I can remember.

7. I won't get to visit England with my mom. She has always wanted to visit and then when I served my mission there, it became a goal to see it together.

I recognize that the above list is a bit of a pity party. I have been blessed with experiences with my mom that many others never get. I realize this. I am thankful for this. But today, it is hard not to think of the things we will miss out on. The greatest of which is:

8. When I need a hug only a mom can give, a memory will have to suffice. It will until I see her again, but I wish it didn't have to.

I love you mom.

My Amazing 45

For most people who play golf, this will be completely underwhelming. For those who know how long I have been attempting the game of golf, this will undoubtedly cause you unbelievable embarrassment on my behalf. However, it is without shame that I declare I had my best round of 9 holes ever on a traditional golf course. That score was a 45. This 45 was attained on the front nine of the Mt. Graham Community Golf Course and did not include one birdie. While that may sound odd to brag about not getting one birdie, those who know me best know that this means I did not have my signature blow up hole which results in my score card registering at minimum, an 8, often higher. Instead, my score card read, par, double, bogey, par, double, bogey, double, par, bogey. Two of the three pars were achieved on the par three holes, one of them while my playing companion whispered the words, "Tin Cup, Tin Cup". (To understand this reference see the Kevin Costner movie of the same title.) I recognize that many who play the game of golf will look away and shake their heads ever so slightly as a 45 to them is a disappointing day. But I...I walk a little taller today. The air is sweeter, the sun a little brighter and the world carries a little more meaning than it did yesterday. I am a new man. That is until I go out again and resume my regularly scheduled score of 52.

Intros

Well, as many of you know, we are the Rapiers. We started small with just Ryan and Shannon, but before long we increased to three with the addition of Abby. Three years later, Braden joined our group, followed three years later by Logan. Recently we decided to expand once more and brought in Kate to bring us to a total of 6. Since none of this is real groundbreaking stuff, we have included a tidbit not known to very many about each person. So here goes:



Ryan Rapier - Ryan has taken up racquetball quite seriously over the last three years and has gotten somewhat good. However, he is feeling quite a bit of pressure as the two gentlemen he regularly plays with have recently upgraded their racquets to racquets that cost over $100. Suddenly Ryan's winning percentage has gone down. What will happen in this gripping saga of one man's obsession with winning vs. his committment to living which would be endangered if he were to spend over $100 on a racquetball racquet and his wife found out. Stay tuned.



Shannon Rapier - Shannon has long held a secret desire to grow facial hair. This was not known to anyone until recently when the Rapier family purchase a Wii game system. When given the opportunity to create her own unique person, Shannon created a female character with an unmistakeable goatee. Looking at this unique Mii on the Wii, others are starting to ask if maybe Shannon has also long held a secret desire to be a biker chick. We may never know.



Abby Rapier - Abby has long wanted to have a sister. Well, when that dream finally came true, Abby's obsession took a strange turn. Suddenly she wanted to take care of her unceasingly. Even volunteering to take her in her own room and read to her. Could this actually the beginning of an espionage thriller as Abby sets out to brainwash her younger sister with the ideas of mismatching clothes and gaudy earrings? Only time will tell.



Braden Rapier - Braden, who is six, knows more about anything technology based than any member of his family. Recently he pointed out to his father and mother that he could do things with their cell phones that they were unaware cell phones even did. If you should hear about the Rapier home being raided at some point by federal agents and the entire family being whisked off for government questioning, there is a good chance Braden hacked into some computer network he was not supposed to. However, if his current attitudes hold, the questioning shouldn't take long as he generally is more than willing to tell you exactly how he has done something, even explaining long beyond others ability to even care anymore.



Logan Rapier - Logan recently started trying to use the phrase "Holy Mackrel" only it is coming out "Holy Smackrel". That's really all I am going to say at this point because the fact that a 3 year old is even attempting this phrase is awesome to me, but the outcome just makes it for me.



Kate Rapier - The Rapiers have started to receive concerning phone calls regarding cloning. No one will identify themselves, but will make threatening statements regarding the whole idea of cloning. What is bewildering to the Rapiers is that they actually have not cloned their children, it just looks that way and Kate is not some bizarre recreation of Abby, she actually is a different person completely. However if Abby's brainwashing techniques are effective, this problem may only get worse for the family.



I hope you have learned something useful from this post. We look forward to communicating again in the future.