Orlando Trip Day 1: I Don't Want To Go

For months, Shannon and I had been planning a huge surprise trip to Orlando for our kids. We had asked them this last summer if they could go anywhere in the country, where would it be. Logan said Disneyland. Abby said Harry Potter's Wizarding World and Braden wasn't sure, but wanted to go somewhere associated with Space. Disney World is pretty similar to Disneyland and is in Orlando, Harry Potter is in Orlando and the Kennedy Space Center is 45 minutes from Orlando. So we quietly booked a trip to Orlando for the Week of Nov. 7-14 and didn't tell them. In fact, we hardly told anyone. But the day of the trip finally arrived and we had a good reason to be in Mesa as Shannon had run her triathlon the day before. Our kids still had no idea what was happening. So the morning of Nov. 7th arrived and it went something like this:

5:30 a.m. - Hawaii 5-0 starts playing on my cell phone. I don't have a good reason as to why that is my ring and alarm tone, but I just think it is a cool song. Not as cool at 5:30, but what are you going to do. We get showered, dressed, packed and loaded in the car.

6:40 a.m. - It is really nice that kids are not at all perceptive. First we loaded three suitcases into the truck that hadn't been used at all that weekend. Secondly, we took Lamar with us in the truck to go "pick up Uncle Larry" wink, wink. Actually Abby did ask why Lamar was going and we said he needed to help Larry get his rental car. Pretty weak cover story, but for an 11, 8 and 5 year old who have nothing on the radar, no questions were asked.

7:12 a.m. - Arrive at the airport and line up the kids to tell them the truth. It went like this...



Not exactly the response we were expecting. My dreams of being featured in a Disney marketing spot were dashed as I repeatedly listened to Braden's, "I don't want to go" response.

7:32 a.m. - Get our one larger bag checked in. That leaves three carry ons and two parents. Quickly realizing we should have had a crash course on using the handles and wheels on small suitcases with the children.

7:41 a.m. - Begin what can only be described as the torture that is airport security with three children. Forgot to mention to Shannon that you can't have clear liquids in your carry ons. Say goodbye to our Shampoo, my aftershave and many other needful things that we now have none of. Cost of items thrown away at airport: $22. Seeing the fury in my wife's eyes at a bureaucratic system we can do nothing about: Priceless. We are off to a GREAT start.





9:05 a.m. - We are loaded on the plane and we begin to take off. Both Braden and Abby are a little freaked out. Logan? Loving every minute of this. As the plane begins to pick up speed on the take off, he can't contain his energy any further and begins clapping wildly.

9:10 a.m. - Braden realizes he isn't going to die and loosens up. Realizes there is a stranger sitting next to him and feels he must rectify this situation immediately. He meets Kathy and they begin a conversation that Braden somewhat dominates. Kathy now knows more about our family than any perfect stranger should. As it turns out, Kathy is a fascinating woman who has worked with the military her whole life. She has traveled the world and had a lot of interesting stories for Braden.

9:15 a.m. - Scariest flight attendant in the world alert. One of our flight attendants had luxurious black hair that had to be at least 3 1/2 feet long. Jet black. It wasn't until she walked directly by our seat that I noticed she also had to be at least 60 years old. I would guess older. Definitely not her real hair color. I am suspicious as to whether it is her real hair period. She wore all black. Bottom line, she freaked me out. It was kind of like Morticia Addams had gotten older and decided to go out and get a job during her retirement years. As one who has had to accept the aging process at quite a young age, I don't relate well to those who completely deny its existence at all. This really has nothing to do with anything, but even a week plus later, I still shudder when I think about her.

10:38 a.m. - Shannon, my brilliant wife, pulls out travel Yahtzee to help the time go faster. Or maybe it was to save Kathy. Yeah that actually makes more sense. Braden creams her while keeping up his dialogue about time zones.

11:00 a.m./12:00 p.m. - Braden is fascinated by time zones and is desparate to know what time it is where we currently are in the flight. At around this time, we see the Mississippi River out the window.

12:23 p.m. - Logan is excited that he has now peed in the sky.

12:52 p.m. - Braden is tired so he...lays on Kathy. The woman is a saint.

1:12 p.m. - Land in TN. As we are walking to the gate for our connecting flight, Braden begins speaking in a southern accent. As his accent wasn't exactly coming off as entirely realistic, we cautioned him that he might be offending people by mocking their accent. He explained he wasn't mocking them, he was simply living in TN at the moment and speaking as someone who lives there normally would. Definitely new logic I hadn't heard before, but in its own way, somewhat solid. I guess. We still told him to not talk so loud.

2:00 p.m. - We are definitely on a flight to Orlando. Kids are swarming around us like crazy. Feel a definite urge to reach out and trip two little boys who are running circles around the chair that include us and our luggage. I manage to refrain. Or maybe Shannon refrained me, I can't remember.

2:30 p.m. - Get loaded on our new plane and we are off to Orlando. Woo HOOOOO!

5:09 p.m. - Land, get luggage, get rental car and we are on our way to our hotel. Or not. We aren't really sure. The roads here are SOOO confusing and extremely not well lighted. We pray we are going in the right direction.

6:01 p.m. - Good news, we are headed in the right direction. Bad news, that means we get to pay our first of two tolls on the way to Disney World. Kids cannot grasp the concept of having to pay to drive on a road. I have a hard time helping them understand that concept, because I think it is pretty stupid. You are about to make a bazillion dollars off of us in sales tax on over priced items and you feel the need to stick it to us on the roads before we even get there? I guess this is what you get in a state with no income tax.

6:20 p.m. - The badly lighted roads get us again. We think we know that we just passed the road to our hotel, but we can't be sure because we couldn't see any signs. Also, Florida is not big on exits or turn around spots on their divided highways. We know we are not supposed to make it to Disney World...and yet...Here We Are! This does not improve our situation. There still is no place to turn around and no signs directing us as to how we get out of Disney World in the direction from whence we came.

6:30 p.m. - We end up pulling into the Epcot parking lot and getting directions from the parking fee people. Look Kids, there's Epcot!

6:41 p.m. - Yep, that road we thought we should have taken was the road we should have taken. Finally reach hotel.

6:56 p.m. - Finally get to room and it was worth the wait. Each room featured below is a separate room. There may not have been a lot of things I did right this trip, but this was one of them.









7:03 p.m. - While inspecting the room, Abby and Shannon go out on the balcony through the entrance in the master bedroom. I am dealing with something at the kitchen counter when I hear a massive crash. I whirl around to see that Abby has walked directly into the glass door leading into the living room from the balcony. As she described it, she had never seen a cleaner door. Not anymore as a massive forehead mark is located about 5 feet up on the glass.

7:05 p.m. - They made our towels into swans and placed them on our bed. Abby is in love.





8:00 p.m. - After getting Subway in a very dodgy looking strip mall right next to a Hookah Bar (still not sure what that is), I make it back and we all gather in the living room and watch The Amazing Race. We all feel a little like Amazing Racers ourselves today.

9:18 p.m. - It is getting a little cold in the condo so we turn on the heater. We must have been the first to do this (Stupid Arizona tourists, its Florida. It's not that cold.) because the heater burns off the dust and sets off the fire alarms. Braden, who hates fire alarms with a passion informs us we will have to do without a heater for the duration of the trip. When we refuse to turn it off, he refuses to take his fingers away from his ears even once he is in bed.

9:30 p.m. - Get kids to bed and get ready to go down ourselves. After a full day of travel we are all plenty tired.

11:00 p.m. - Shannon and I finally get to bed and are soon asleep with visions of fun in the coming days running through our brains.

12:00 a.m. - The alarm clock goes off for no reason. *@$&#@%!!!! What the heck? Add this to the getting lost, having to throw all of our stuff at the airport and fire alarm issue from earlier and a bad vibe begins to settle into the back of my brain. I hope this isn't an omen.