Satan's Master Plan Has Mouse Ears

This past winter, I took my boys and Kate to see Tangled one day when we were down in the Mesa area. I had heard good things about it and of course I try to love all things Disney. (Try being the operative word here. Chicken Little, Pocahontas and most Disney Channel shows deserve nothing less than a public stoning, but I did try to like them.) Anyway, we absolutely loved it. We laughed, I cried just a tad and my kids were very confused about that, but such is life and we left wishing we could watch it all over again right then.

Because of that experience, I knew that we would be adding Tangled to our DVD collection. This really wasn't a stretch as most Disney movies make it into our video library. So I was on Amazon looking up when it comes out on DVD and I found myself reading the reviews that people had left for the movie. I don't know why I do that. Maybe I have a lack of self confidence in my taste in movies and need positive reinforcement from others. No telling. Anyway, almost every review was glowing and I was basking in the 60s type love in we were all having about this movie when I came across this review. This is an actual paragraph copied from a review on Amazon. I hope this is someone having a joke at the religious right's expense, because if not, WOW! We will get to that in a moment. The title of this review was: Not A Kid's Movie - Should Be Rated X

These reviews missed a very profound, but negative, element of the movie. It had very STRONG GAY images and portrayals. There were gay bar scenes that seemed to be a through-line in the movie. Nothing but men in GAY LIKE attire including -- earrings, tight cut off vests, and even one with effeminate gay gestures that pranced and sashayed across the room with bright red Lip Stick on ... obviously no women were present. Many of the men that "lived" in the gay bar had effeminate aspirations -- dancers, basket weaving(I believe), and interior decorating.

...What In the WORLD?!?! What Westboro Baptist Church did this person crawl out from under? Again, I hope this is someone posting as a person of religion who is in fact just trying to get a laugh, but I fear it is not. The rest of the review talks about how Disney tries to undermine the values of our youth through such things as Disney World hosting a Gay Day each year. (It does not. An outside organization plans and hosts a Gay Days event each year at both parks in the US and Disney does not endorse nor condemn. It has stated repeatedly that any large religious organization could do the same within Disney facilities.) The reason I think this post is legit is because of the repeated attempts by the whack job portion of the religious right to find a boogie man within all things Disney.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a Disney apologist here either. I recognize that Disney owns several vehicles for entertainment that do not necessarily build family values. But over the years we have seen this same kind of weirdness from religious zealots over the cover of the Little Mermaid VHS cassette case, the "erection" of the priest in the Little Mermaid (which turns out to be his knee, not something else), the supposed line in Aladdin where he says, "Boys and Girls, take off your clothes (ok side note, if certain teens are that susceptible to taking off their clothes, my guess is that Aladdin saying it in a subliminal way had little to do with that issue. Just saying.) to the supposed spelling of SEX in the dust in the wind of Lion King (it actually said SFX which were the initials of the groups that was working on the special effects for that scene and was done without Disney management knowledge). Disney is a corporation out to make profits. Period. There are too many people making too much money to jeopardize the corner of the market they control with regard to kids and families in order to accomplish some sinister plan to turn all children into sex crazed homosexuals. Do they always send the correct message with regard to modesty? Not even close (although that really wasn't an issue with Tangled). But could we please chill out and be thankful that there are at least a few movies still made in Hollywood that you can take your family to.

Ok so, I know everyone can see all the holes with the above paragraph so I don't need to point out all of the idiocy associated with it...but where is the fun in that. So...first, has this person never heard of a biker bar? Let's review the apparel at a biker bar. Tight cut off vests? Check. Ear rings? Check. Effeminate men with red lip stick. Ok maybe not so much, but the dude was like 80 years old. I took that behavior more as senility than sexual preference. However, I would love to be around when this person goes into a biker bar and explains that their clothing and apparel signify that they are in a gay bar, not a biker bar. That would be fun.

Now, I don't know that it was ever implied that any of these men "lived" there anymore than Norm "lived" at Cheers. Ok bad example, but you get my point. To further that point, Norm "lived" at Cheers to avoid his wife Vera. I think at the rate this person was making up crap out of thin air it would be just as plausible that all of these men were at the bar to avoid going home to their wives as opposed to trying to pick up an extremely ugly man. Or the third possibility is that this is a small plot device in a harmless animated movie that doesn't deserve near this much thought and effort being put into it. I vote for number 3.

However, the far more harmful comments, as I read them, are those indicating that having interests that don't fall into the "manly" variety somehow make a man or a boy a prime suspect for homosexuality. That is incredibly small minded and exactly the kind of garbage that destroys a young man's self confidence if they don't happen to like sports, cars or camping. As it so happens, my wife and I are arguing because I actually would like to interior decorate our new garage enclosure that we are working on. I would enjoy taking that on. However, my wife is concerned with my taste. My taste is certainly debatable, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to decorate that room. I know more than one great man who enjoys dancing, or singing for that matter. And shockingly, it has little to do with their sexual orientation. I personally fear for this person's kids if they have any secret desires out of the "ordinary". They are in for a confusing and sad existence.

I recognize that this rant was probably pointless, but for some reason that review got me riled. And so in my own way, I will stick it even further to this person who will never read my post by presenting my top 10 favorite Disney movies. And it probably will include that X-rated gay pride film about Rapunzel.

10. Beauty and The Beast



I know that in the 20 years since this movie came out that a lot of things about have become a little cliched or not so amazing, but think back to the first time you saw it. I remember how amazing the ballroom scene was where it appears that a camera was moving around the room for the first time ever in an animated movie, how much I laughed when I heard the song "Gaston" for the first time or before I became so cynical and saw Shrek, how powerful the death and then transformation of the beast really was. This was a truly beautiful movie. Although it is not my favorite, I am glad it was the first animated movie to be nominated for Best Picture. It deserved it.

9. Robin Hood



This was one movie that captured my attention when I was a kid. I loved the song "The Phony King of England" and laughs at the expense of Sir Hiss. Now that I am older, I have realized how great a song "Not in Nottingham" is. I wish they would have let Roger Miller do an entire soundtrack like they do some artists today. I would probably listen to that soundtrack over and over.

8. The Princess and The Frog



I love Dixieland jazz music. It just has always been one of my favorite styles since I was young. It is one of the reasons I could hang out in the New Orleans section of Disneyland all day long. I know several people were disappointed in this film, but I thought it was really entertaining and how can you go wrong with a movie that has the line "Follow the bouncing butts."

7. A Bug's Life



Several people would think I am out of my mind to include this movie when no Toy Story movies are on this list. But while I love those movies, I just think this one is the hidden gem of Pixar movies. Also, the one scene that puts this one over the top is the Godfather-esque scene where Hopper takes out three of his minions with the grain in the sombrero bar in Mexico.

6. Aladdin



When you use quotes from a movie regularly in your everyday conversation, you know that that movie is a fave. I still love to say the word Ecstatic with a Jafar sneer or say Why am I not surprised in my best Gilbert Godfried imitation. This movie was just the perfect storm of comedy and fast paced adventure. I think this movie is great before you add the best part (Robin Williams). That is pretty good.

5. Hercules



This movie really benefits for me for being the movie that followed Pocohantas. It was fun, funny and a movie that didn't try to take itself to seriously. All things Pocohantas was not. The humor combined with my second favorite villian in a Disney film make this a top five. Another reason I love this movie is that it was Abby's first watch everyday movie when she was a toddler. That was all well and good until she quoted a somewhat rude line to a baby sitter. But even that was funny. Guys, Olympus would be that way.

4. Cars



Being a kid who grew up in Duncan makes this movie special to me. It is difficult to go back to my home town and see all of the buildings that are boarded up and all that has been lost from my childhood, but even more so from my father's. Add a kickin' song from Sheryl Crow and not one but two Brad Paisley songs on the soundtrack and it is definitely my solid #4.

3. Tangled



I really loved this movie that much. It is very funny in parts, but what does it for me is the beautiful animation. The lantern scene is quite literally one of the most beautiful cinematic scenes I have seen. But just as powerful to me is the scene with Rapunzel's parents just prior to going out and releasing their lantern. As a parent holding my child watching this movie, that is just a tough yet totally relatable scene. Good song at the end too.

2. The Emperor's New Groove



Funniest Disney movie hands down. As I recently went over in a recent post, it has more quotable lines than any other Disney movie. It has even inspired the phrase, "What the Kronk!" around our house. Also, my favorite Disney villian. Haven't liked anything else with David Spade, but loved him here. "Is That My Voice? Is That MY Voice?" Classic.

1. The Incredibles



Super heroes, James Bond villian and soundtrack, mid-life crisis issues and Edna Mode. What is missing? I can't think of anything. I love the sequels to Toy Story and am intrigued by the Cars sequel, but regret that they have not made any plans to make a sequel to this movie. The icing on the cake? Cari, the babysitter. If you haven't seen the short video on the DVD, it is priceless.

So there you have it. Either I have succumbed to the Great Satan's plan or Disney has actually made some pretty good flicks. Maybe the mark on the forehead spoken of in Revelation is actually those mouse ear hats you buy in Disneyland. But if it is, I think I would rather live in a Disney Hell than the Heaven waiting for the reviewer above. I suppose if he is right, I will get that chance.