The Sleeping Toilet Awards

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you find yourself so exhausted that you catch yourself falling asleep in the craziest places? Come on, you know you have. Apparently, Logan had one of those recently. It was roughly 4:00 in the afternoon and I hadn't gotten home yet from work, but Logan had to use the bathroom for "#2". After taking care of his business, he made the call to Shannon to come and help him clean up a bit as he does after every movement of the bowels. At this point, I guess it is as good a time as any to mention that both of my boys have this issue of liking to be completely free while taking care of that life function. I don't think Braden does it as much, but in their hey day, both would prefer to strip down completely before...you know. Anyway, so Logan was naked as a jaybird following Shannon's helping hand. She told him to get dressed and she was going to go check on the rest of the kids. She walked outside and got Kate in a moment that couldn't have taken more than...5 minutes at most, more than likely less. She then went to go back inside and got bitten by our new door handle. I recently installed a new door handle on the front door that is always unlocked on the inside regardless of its status on the outside. It can be very confusing, especially since our previous handle did not do this. Anyway, you can guess where this is going in that Shannon was now locked outside. Not a problem, Logan is in there and he can come answer the door...at least in theory. After a couple of doorbell rings and a great deal of ferocious knocking, she finally gives up and goes around back and is able to get in the back door. She calls out for Logan...no answer. After looking for him all over, she finally finds him here:



Now don't worry, he did not slip and fall knocking himself unconcious (as Shannon was at first concerned he might have done). No, he was just overcome with exhaustion and laid down. As a father, I find a little solace in the fact that he at least got his underwear on first. I think that's good thing, isn't it? Anyway, this was on the heels of a couple of very busy weeks and before a couple of very busy weeks were about to begin. I found I could relate to the boy. In that light, I would like to present the first annual Sleeping Toilet Awards. (The truth is, I will never likely give these out again, but my other option of putting the words "toilet" and "Lifetime Achievement Awards" in the same sentence is probably not a good idea.) This year's recipients are:

1. Rhett and Alysia Dodge - Rhett has been in the bishopric with me for six months and also had the opportunity for his company to win the contract to put the windows in for the Gila Valley temple. That is a great blessing but has led to a lot of hours. Add that to the fact that Alysia just got called into the Primary Presidency and suddenly we need to be wary of sleepwalkers on Church St. I am sure the Dodges do not read this blog, so if anyone wants to inform them they have won a Sleeping Toilet award, I am sure they would be thrilled.

2. Heath and Timi Brown - The Browns just returned from a week long vacation in Disneyland. That is enough to cause anyone to need a couple of days recovery in and of itself, but the Browns then finished off their week by hitting Disneyland one last time Saturday morning and then making the full nine hour drive home that afternoon/evening without a break. I have done that once without hitting the park first and let me tell you...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I fell asleep just thinking about it. So congratulations Browns, you are a Sleeping Toilet award winner.

3. Ryan and Shannon Rapier - I realize how conceited it may appear to create an award so you can give it to yourself, but...oh well. We have just been through a week where every child except Kate has vomited during the hours of darkness. I hate cleaning vomit. That has nothing to do with the award, it is just something I feel very strongly about and felt it needed to be said. Also, my apologies to Hannah Dodge for having to come watch our kids without us realizing Abby was so close to refunding her enchiladas back to the earth that gave them to her in a way not originally designed by the Creator. Anyway, this comes in the midst of a Saturday that began at 4:30 a.m. for a temple trip with the youth, a night of work where I was on the committee to provide a BBQ to the night shift and coming this Saturday, helping direct traffic for the "Gila Valley's first 1/2 marathon and any other non-related event we could throw into one event" event, which will begin at 5:45 a.m. This week and the two that have preceded it are just insane. So crazy, that I feel the need to come up with a name for it...Oh yeah, Life! I think I will check with Logan if there is any additional space by that toilet. It looked pretty comfortable for him.

Any nominations for a Sleeping Toilet Award will be accepted and likely awarded. There are probably many deserving winners.

Finally, I have a beautiful daughter who is growing up too quickly that I want to brag about. So here is Kate admiring the rose bush my Mom gave us a couple of years ago. I think she looks like her dad.

Letter To Mom

As many of you have probably heard by now (but for those who haven't, I will now share with you) my father and my mother-in-law are engaged and will be married on December 4 or 5. I can't remember. Please don't take that the wrong way as in I don't approve or anything. I struggle with transposing dates in my mind when two of them somehow get associated in my mind with the same event. Case in point, my son Braden's due date was February 22. He was born February 25. For several years I would have to think long and hard about which day was actually his birthday. Don't tell Shannon, but same kind of thing for the first couple of years we were married with our anniversary. Couldn't remember if it was January 3 or 4. For the record I know it is the 3rd...Just kidding dear, I know its the 4th. Anyway, this is a pretty good thing for both of them and it is a blessing to our family. Of course the jokes, they are a plentiful. I have heard more moving to the south and "I'm my own Grandpa" references in the last couple of weeks than I have heard in the 13 years of marriage prior. We accept that. The families are still trying to figure out how this is all going to work. On my side it is pretty easy. Nothing really changes for my kids except Grandma and Grandad are now in the same place and the effect on Jerry and Kirt is minimal. At least I think so. However, on Shannon's side the logistics of a new grandpa in the mix are still being worked out. I am sure they will all pan out in the end.

The one thing I struggle with is when people ask if I am ok with this. I don't know what to say. The emotions and feelings associated with that question are a little deeper and would require a little more time than the 15 second response most people are looking for. So, on the off chance that someone is reading this that wants to ask that question or has already asked it but thinks I gave a flippant answer, I will share the following. I recognize that some might think this is a little personal, but I have always been pretty up front with my emotions. Obviously, I am not going to share anything that I don't want to, but I tend to be able to express things better in writing than any other format. So if you really wondered how I am with all of this, here we go:

Dear Mom,

I am sure by now you have heard that Dad is going to marry Marilyn. Pretty weird, I know. I hope you are ok with this. I know we had several talks in the months before you couldn't talk with us anymore about what would happen to Dad after you passed. Based on those talks, I am fairly certain that you would give this arrangement your blessing. But now that it is actually happening, I wonder if it is a little harder to accept in reality than in theory. See, I clearly don't understand what happens after this life. I know the basics and they are all good. But I have been taught my whole life that I better not smoke or drink because I will have the same cravings after this life as I had during it. That is all well and good and a great deterrent, but if you follow that logic, are the human emotions that connect you to a spouse the same after this life? Are you a little uncomfortable or jealous of this situation? Do you have those feelings but also feel guilty because of how hard it is to expect two people to be alone in this life who very likely have a good number of years left? Or when you arrive in the Spirit world, does your perspective on our existence change so that these natural man emotions seem small and inconsequential in comparison? Don't worry Mom, I don't stress and wring my hands over this stuff. But sometimes, I look at Shannon and wonder if I were gone, how would I feel. I would hate for her to feel alone in this world where loneliness is such a brutal companion. But I have to be honest, I can't hardly bear the thought of her loving anyone else but me. And then, being the over analytical person I am, I project those feelings onto you and can't help but wonder how you feel.

Another thing that scares me is losing you in this process. I don't want you forgotten by my children. I know that is my responsibiltiy to keep you alive, but I am also aware of the realities. I can remember you sharing through tears that your biggest regret is that Kate would never know you. I hate that too. I worry that Logan is so young, the memories of you will be hard for him to keep. They will be for all of us to a certain extent, but for my young children who have so few to begin with, where will you fit into their life experience?

Lastly, who do I talk to? You were always the one who I talked to about...everything. I love Dad dearly, but your passing has brought into clear focus just how much he and I have never really talked about all the things that dads and sons generally have trouble talking about. That is why sons need their moms. Main case in point, you are the one I would most likely talk to about this. But I can't. And that is hard. Logan and I were in his room the other night and he had just finished saying his prayers when he stood up and looked at me with a very sad look on his face. I should mention they had just spent the day in Duncan for the first time since your funeral. I asked him what was wrong expecting something about how he didn't want to be in trouble since he was just prior to his prayers. Instead, he said, "I am thinking I am about to cry." I asked him why and he said, "I miss Grandma Rapier." and then he lost it. I just held him for a little while and silently cried with him. I miss you so much too. Day after day I realize another little thing that I miss that I hadn't thought of before. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, the marriage is making me face the fact that things have changed. I think I was able to live in denial as long as too many things did not get altered. I still haven't been back to Duncan since your funeral. I know that is wrong. But I think it is for this same reason. If I avoid dealing with a lot of things, then maybe I can avoid admitting you aren't here anymore. Now Mom, please don't think I am delusional. I am aware of reality. I hope you know what I mean. But dad getting remarried makes living in denial very difficult.

Overall, I know this is a good thing. I believe you know it too and are very accepting. I am so happy for Marilyn. I am happy for Dad too, but Marilyn has been alone for so long. She deserves something good. I believe this will be. Heaven knows they will have to work through some things. You would know what some of those things are better than anyone. But I think they will be fine. But Mom, I hope you know I love you. I miss you. When people ask me how I feel about all this, you are the person I think of and I don't know how to answer. I hope all is well with you. I will do all I can to keep you alive in the lives of our kids. They are who they are in part because of you. Please watch over us and I guess I will talk to you later. I love you Mom.

Ryan

A Quick Story: Logan's Misunderstanding

We are coming up on having our primary program for sacrament meeting in about two weeks. All of our kids have received their parts and are doing very well in memorizing them. Maybe a little too well.

Last week was fast and testimony meeting and after about 10 minutes, I see Braden and Logan come walking up with big ol' smiles on their faces. They go and sit down on the bench and prepare to share their testimonies. As it happens, they are waiting out someone who was taking a fair amount of time. Not out control, but not super quick. Certainly not quick enough for the curious nature of 7 and 4 year old boys. After about 15 seconds of sitting quietly. They both start to stand up a little bit to see over the little wall on the stand and look out at the crowd. Braden wanted to wave to mom. Very appropriate. My apologies to Brother Skinner who was sharing some very heart felt thoughts. I was finally able to get their attention and give them the evil eye just in time. I am fairly certain that Logan was preparing to climb up on the bench and stand so he could get a better view. Can't be certain, but let's just call it father's intuition.

After a couple more moments, others joined them on the stand and Brother Skinner finished. Braden got up and bore his testimony. Did a great job. Then he left the stand and walked back to sit with Shannon and the fam. Logan's smile was completely gone now. He sat on the edge of the bench with a look of uncertainty on his face and he paused long enough that another girl got up and went next. When she finished, Logan tentatively stood up and looked out at the audience and uncertainty turned to terror and he looked over at me. His face said, "What do I do now?" I motioned for him to come and see me and he started toward me and he just melted in tears by the time he got me. I held him for about a minute while he kept saying, "Braden was supposed to stay by me." over and over again. I finally calmed him down and he went back to sit with Shannon who then got to hold him. I am not sure how the next conversation went, but something tripped Shannon's radar and she asked Logan, "Well Logan, what did you want to say?"

He replied, "In the premortal existance, I..." and so on to finish verbatim his part for the primary program. A couple of things. First, I am proud that he knew his part so well that he was ready to give it three full weeks before the program. Second, I think we as parents need to take some responsibility that we were not a little more clear on when he was supposed to share that rehearsed part. Third, we need to help Logan express to others what his expectations of them are prior to starting something as opposed to being frustrated after its over when they don't do what he expects regardless of how little knowledge they had. Lastly, isn't it amazing how quickly you can have a flashback of what it is like to experience the sheer terror that can only come from being very young and seeing hundreds of people staring at you, waiting for you to say something. It is the worst. I once completely bailed on my primary teacher during a primary program and refused to say my part. Another time, I freaked out and lost it when they tried to make me wear a newspaper tri-corner hat during the bi-centennial celebration. In my defense, I have seen the home movies of that event and I still think I was somewhat justified in that one. Those things were the stupidest looking things I have ever seen and I was right to refuse someone the opportunity of capturing me for time and memorial on film with one of those things on my head. Anyway, looking at my son in that moment when his face went into terror mode, I felt so bad for him. Because I have been there. We've all been there.