We are coming up on having our primary program for sacrament meeting in about two weeks. All of our kids have received their parts and are doing very well in memorizing them. Maybe a little too well.
Last week was fast and testimony meeting and after about 10 minutes, I see Braden and Logan come walking up with big ol' smiles on their faces. They go and sit down on the bench and prepare to share their testimonies. As it happens, they are waiting out someone who was taking a fair amount of time. Not out control, but not super quick. Certainly not quick enough for the curious nature of 7 and 4 year old boys. After about 15 seconds of sitting quietly. They both start to stand up a little bit to see over the little wall on the stand and look out at the crowd. Braden wanted to wave to mom. Very appropriate. My apologies to Brother Skinner who was sharing some very heart felt thoughts. I was finally able to get their attention and give them the evil eye just in time. I am fairly certain that Logan was preparing to climb up on the bench and stand so he could get a better view. Can't be certain, but let's just call it father's intuition.
After a couple more moments, others joined them on the stand and Brother Skinner finished. Braden got up and bore his testimony. Did a great job. Then he left the stand and walked back to sit with Shannon and the fam. Logan's smile was completely gone now. He sat on the edge of the bench with a look of uncertainty on his face and he paused long enough that another girl got up and went next. When she finished, Logan tentatively stood up and looked out at the audience and uncertainty turned to terror and he looked over at me. His face said, "What do I do now?" I motioned for him to come and see me and he started toward me and he just melted in tears by the time he got me. I held him for about a minute while he kept saying, "Braden was supposed to stay by me." over and over again. I finally calmed him down and he went back to sit with Shannon who then got to hold him. I am not sure how the next conversation went, but something tripped Shannon's radar and she asked Logan, "Well Logan, what did you want to say?"
He replied, "In the premortal existance, I..." and so on to finish verbatim his part for the primary program. A couple of things. First, I am proud that he knew his part so well that he was ready to give it three full weeks before the program. Second, I think we as parents need to take some responsibility that we were not a little more clear on when he was supposed to share that rehearsed part. Third, we need to help Logan express to others what his expectations of them are prior to starting something as opposed to being frustrated after its over when they don't do what he expects regardless of how little knowledge they had. Lastly, isn't it amazing how quickly you can have a flashback of what it is like to experience the sheer terror that can only come from being very young and seeing hundreds of people staring at you, waiting for you to say something. It is the worst. I once completely bailed on my primary teacher during a primary program and refused to say my part. Another time, I freaked out and lost it when they tried to make me wear a newspaper tri-corner hat during the bi-centennial celebration. In my defense, I have seen the home movies of that event and I still think I was somewhat justified in that one. Those things were the stupidest looking things I have ever seen and I was right to refuse someone the opportunity of capturing me for time and memorial on film with one of those things on my head. Anyway, looking at my son in that moment when his face went into terror mode, I felt so bad for him. Because I have been there. We've all been there.
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