5:45 a.m. - As I lay in bed now suddenly awake, I realize that even though the clock says it is 5:45, my body probably still thinks it is 8:45 and will probably not go back to sleep. So I get up and put my swimming suit on and sneak outside so I won't wake Shannon up. If I do that on vacation before she is ready...let's just say I don't wake Shannon up before she is ready on vacation. I walk out to the beach and...I am completely by myself. I can see one jogger four hotels away, but that is it. I have the world famous Kaanapali Beach all to myself. Pretty Cool!!!
6:15 a.m. - I am now sitting right at the point where the water breaks on the shore and loving it. I am constantly having to look around to make sure no one has come and is watching me, because I am acting like a 5 year old and letting the water wash me up the beach and just laughing the whole time. Not once do I feel seaweed and the water is perfect. San Diego and LA, you are now dead to me.
6:30 a.m. - Head back up to the room and reach for the room key only to discover...an angry sea has claimed my room key. Actually it has claimed both of my room keys because for some idiotic reason I took them both with me. So now, we have no room keys. Hope Shannon has woken up at this point.
6:45 a.m. - Learn that Maui sand is extremely sticky. I can point a shower head directly at it and it will not de-attach itself from skin. Also, I have apparently brought much more with me than I had anticipated. We now have our own personal beach in the bottom of our bathtub. I am climbing the charts with a bullet when it comes to the maid's favorite guest award.
7:20 a.m. - Get to make the walk of shame to the front desk and admit that both of our room keys are probably half way to Lanai. With an exasperated sigh, the front desk lady lets me know I am not the first. Her body language indicates I may be the dumbest though. I get my cards and get out fast.
7:50 a.m. - Before we left, Rhett had told me about how one of his favorite things about Maui was the breakfasts with all the fresh fruit that you just can't get in Arizona. My mouth would water with his tales of pineapply goodness and mango ecstasy...(Ok, he told me it was really good and I thought it sounded good. That is about as far as it goes. So everyone can erase those visions of he and I salivating all over ourselves while taking the tithing to the bank on a Sunday afternoon. It just didn't happen...or did it???) So, for our first breakfast we walk over to a shopping area called the Whaler's village and...McDonald's is the only thing open. To top it off, they don't even sell a pineapple McMuffin, they just charge two dollars more for the sausage McMuffin I can get in Safford. Unfortunately, we have to eat and get going to make it to our morning appointment with the zipline. I am not going to lie. I was a little disappointed in us at that moment.
8:32 a.m. - We are on the road to Makawao where the zip line folks at Piiholo Ranch operate. We might be running a little late for our 9:30 check in time, but we should be fine. The only thing that could really cause us any problem would be...
8:39 a.m. - ...getting stuck behind a bus on a two lane road where passing is not really allowed. Should have taken island time into the equation.
9:05 a.m. - As we continue to get closer to Makawao, we can't help but notice the increasingly black looking clouds that are building directly where we seem to be headed. Also, I misunderstood the GPS and ended up on the wrong road. This could be due to the fact that it is Braden's GPS (don't ask) and he has converted the readings from standard to Metric. The only issue with that is that Mr. GPS voice can't say meters clearly and it sounds like inches. (I am fully aware that those two words sound nothing alike. Now you are starting to understand my frustration when the GPS indicated I should turn in 400 inches.) I now need to make a u-turn. Which brings up a small problem that exists in Maui. At no point is anyone allowed to make a U-turn. In fact, it appears that about 90% of the left hand turns that one would need to make to correct a navigational error are also illegal. Good crap, what is a person supposed to do???
9:07 a.m. - Break the law.
9:24 a.m. - We have made it to Makawao. We are doing great. We should be completely fine. The only thing that could possibly mess us up would be...
9:25 a.m. - road contruction in the middle of town.
9:33 a.m. - Fortunately, it wasn't overly serious construction and we arrive almost on time. We check in and go back and forth on which cameras to bring with us as we continue to watch the black clouds pour over the top of us. We decide to go with my droid's camera...after five or six trips to the car.
9:36 a.m. - Logan goes pee for the first time.
9:57 a.m. - Our guide is ready to start handing out our gear, but wait...Logan has gone pee for the second time.
10:06 a.m. - In the course of getting my gear on, I somehow drop my hotel key (yes, my new hotel key) on the ground. Fortunately, someone in our group found it and I was able to get it back, allowing me to avoid an additional visit to the front desk lady, who, to be completely honest, scares me just a little bit.
10:18 a.m. - After all of the gear has been handed out and instructions given, we are ready to go ziplining. But first you have to cross a suspension bridge that wobbles pretty good. I have to admit after getting 10 feet out on the 100 foot bridge, I thought we might lose Shannon before we ever got started. Suspensions bridges are just not her thing. However, in other news, she needs to use the bathroom again.
10:30 a.m. - First zipline is the bunny hill. You climb up a tower that is about 45 feet in the air and then zip across a meadow. Very tame. Unfortunately, my poor wife who has a thing about heights (So you ziplined why??? you may be asking) is freaking just a little bit. Fortunately she is a good sport and off we go and it is...AWESOME!!!!!!!
10:42 a.m. - While waiting for everyone to finish, we talk with everyone else in our group only to discover that we are in with a group of Canadians. All of the other four couples are from Canada just by coincidence. We also learn we don't know how to vacation. One other couple is there for two weeks and then it goes up from there to one couple who is there for six weeks. What were thinking? Oh yeah, we have jobs, children and not enough money to stay for six weeks. Oh well.
10:52 a.m. - Ok, now we are getting serious. The second line is quite a bit longer and we are about 200 feet in the air at some points. Amazingly, after our first experience, Shannon never looks back and doesn't seem scared at all.
11:58 a.m. - Getting ready for our fourth line, Shannon sees a sign she thinks is just hilarious. I personally think it has merit.
12:21 p.m. - After the fourth line, they put us in vehicles and take us to the top of a high peak for the final mahamalama line. That is not an actual Hawaiian word, just a jibberish word I personally like to use when describing something a little massive and over the top. Before we start, we take some moments to appreciate the view.
12:30 p.m. - The final line is a half mile long and at one point, you are 690 feet above the ground. There aren't words to describe how cool this was. The picture below is taken from a platform right next to the beginning of this line. As we start, it quickly becomes apparent that this last line is a little...a lot more intimidating than the last four. You are seriously up there. Also, at this point, the rain has picked up again and the wind is coming at us from the left hand side. This causes my first real bit of panic as it is blowing my legs to the right and I can't keep them pointed straight. I can hear the rollers scraping on the cable from the pressure of my body pulling it to the side. I now truly start to contemplate what would happen if the harness were to fail at this point. Not enjoying that moment of contemplation, I try to put it out of my head and enjoy the final quarter mile of our ziplining experience. I do and am ready to jump right back up and do it again when it is over. Shannon and I both just loved this experience and would definitely do it again. However, after talking with one of the couples in our group, we will check out the company first. The company we zipped with had all kinds of good equipment. The one she had done previously in Mexico, they gave them gloves with padding and told them to grab the cable to stop themselves. And there was a mattress on a tree at the end of the line. That is a little too adventurous for me.
1:23 p.m. - After leaving Piiholo Ranch and saying goodbye to our new Canadian friends (and a trip to the bathroom for Logan), we headed back in to Makawao and look for a place to eat lunch. There is a Mexican restaurant that looks like a complete dive, but for some reason, we are both craving Mexican food. We decide to give it a try while not holding out much hope.
1:32 p.m. - So much for our snooty Arizona Mexican food snobbery. This place is incredible. I have the shrimp and fish burrito while Shannon has the shrimp and fish enchilada. And the salsa is made fresh each morning and is wonderful. This clearly appears to be a local hangout though as we do not look the part. I am the only male in the whole place with a shirt that has sleeves. I was half tempted to rip my sleeves off right there to fit in better, but then realized that my farmer's tan would make it appear that I actually did still have sleeves on. Plus, if I had done that, it really would have put the pressure on Shannon as every woman there had on a tank top. Who knew our t-shirt and jeans combo would have us completely over dressed for the establishment.
1:35 p.m. - Logan pees again.
2:12 p.m. - We finish lunch and...Logan needs to pee again. We have the circular discussion that goes something like, "You have to go again?" "I drink a lot of water." It is at this point in the discussion where I believe the obvious has just been asked and answered. So pointing out that...then...maybe you shouldn't drink so much water is pointless because I know I will just get that rolling eye look that implies that I am such a moron. I know in my heart that my reasoning is sound, but I do want to avoid the eye rolling look as much as possible this trip.
2:30 p.m. - Driving back, we call our kids. When Shannon asks Kate if she is being nice to Tristin, she replies, "I don't like her." Shannon then asks, "Can you be nice to her?" to which Kate responds, "Ok, bye."
2:46 p.m. - Not yet 24 hours in Maui and...second trip to Wal-Mart. GOOD GOSH!!!!
3:58 p.m. - Head out to the beach and swim in the ocean. When we come back to the room, we add an additional gallon or two of sand to our own bathtub beach as we get ready to go into Lahaina for our dinner show.
5:55 p.m. - Get to Lahaina and report in to Warren and Annabelle's. This is a dinner theater where the main attraction is...a magic show. We decided to see it based on Rhett and Alysia Dodge's recommendation. When Rhett told us about it, he said, "I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is really cool." He better be right.
6:30 p.m. - The parlor area where you wait is tastefully decorated and is centered around a piano where the local "ghost" will play any song that is called out by the audience to the hostess who then tells the "ghost" what to play. I called out "Dude Looks Like A Lady" but the hostess either didn't hear me or...something.
We are clearly bringing the average age in the room down by a couple years all by ourselves. The majority of the room is 60 plus and apparently on their second or third marriages. Not all of them though. One couple is celebrating their 50 something wedding anniversary. Pretty impressive. Pretty old.
It is at this point that I notice the manager is taking a little too much of an interest in us and sure enough, he comes over and asks if we will help with the show. Because I am apparently that sucker who was born that minute, I said yes. Oh heavens how I relive that moment in my nightmares over and over.
6:55 p.m. - We move into the theater and because we have agreed to help, we get seats in the front row. This magician uses no smoke, mirrors or other gimmicks, he is apparently going to be 3 feet from us the entire time.
7:02 p.m. - Show begins and this guy is really funny and REALLY good. Unfortunately, he is also a superb showman which means that he needs a good foil to pick on...oh wait, that is me. He does a card trick where four of us in the front row take a card and then we are supposed to put it back in the deck. When he comes to me, he holds the cards in a way that I couldn't put the card anywhere but back on top. As soon as I do that, he stops and looks at me and says, "Buddy, this trick ain't gonna be that hard if I know where the card is. You are supposed to put it in the middle. Folks, I think we found Gomer this evening." And yes, Gomer was my name, the rest of the evening.
7:45 p.m. - I can honestly say, I have not laughed this hard in a long time. This really is the best show. I don't even mind being the "stupid" one for the show because that means I get to be right there and watch him and...he is incredible. I won't spoil any of the tricks in case someone decides to go, but suffice it to say that Shannon and I were part of several tricks that...I have no idea how he could possibly do what he did including changing something that was RIGHT INSIDE SHANNON'S HAND!!! I am not kidding. We have wondered about that one for hours.
8:42 p.m. - Towards the end of the show, he needs an additional bottle of water and he asks if I will go get him one. He even invites me to get one for myself. Warning bells begin to go off in the back of my head. I get to the bar and ask for the waters and the bartender insists I have a drink on him and one for my wife since they should have had water available for the star of the show. I can sense this is not going to end well for me, but there is no way out and so I go back in with Warren's water and Shannon's drink and my drink (which hopefully I don't have to say were of the virgin variety.) He pounces on me like a lion on a defenseless zebra. "I said get yourself a water. That doesn't look like water. Did you pay for those drinks. Oh the bartender did. Whose name appears on the front of this theater? Yeah, not the bartender, mine. So who do you think actually paid for those drinks. That's right, me. But believe me, you'll pay..." That final statement doesn't bring me much comfort. Also, while I was gone, he discovered we are LDS and has some fun with the fact that we have drinks from the bar. His exact words were, "There will some phone calls to the Tabernacle tonight." Through all of this, I can't even answer him because I am laughing too hard. Sure enough, within fifteen minutes, I have paid for those drinks...Big Time! Again, not to ruin the show for anyone, but I truly hate the word Papaya now with all of my being.
9:10 p.m. - After the show, we get with two of the three other couples who were on the front row with us and as it turned out, we were all LDS. We laughed it out and separated to go home.
9:45 p.m. - Get back to hotel and immediately get ready for bed as we have to leave our hotel room at 6:00 a.m. to catch a flight to Oahu the next day. But Warren was right when just before he did one trick, he said, "Now this one is gonna keep you up at night." He was right. I couldn't help lying there for 10 minutes or so trying to figure how that stupid trick was possible. I have come to the conclusion that Warren at some point sold his soul to the devil. There is no other explanation.
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