Hawaii Trip Day 3: For $60 We Will Treat You Like A Cow

5:20 a.m. - How much do I hate myself for thinking that catching a flight to Oahu at 7:45 in the morning was a good idea? A LOT!!! I hate myself a lot at this exact moment.

6:15 a.m. - Arrive at the Maui airport as it is starting to rain. Since we are dressed in our Sunday best, we do not necessarily appreciate this. However, the thing that catches us the most off guard is the two chickens that are strolling through the Maui airport parking lot. I have never been to a place where chickens have such free reign over an entire community.

6:40 a.m. - Get through security without any real issues except that you always feel pressured to get through quickly and it stresses me out.

7:12 a.m. - We realize that we will be joined on our flight by several elementary school classes who are traveling to Oahu for a field trip. They look to be about Braden's age. The crabby adult in me is not thrilled. I have a headache from waking up so early and now this? How did we get so lucky?

7:48 a.m. - How did we get so lucky? I have to take back all of my grumpy old man thoughts as we take off. All of the kids raised their hands when we started picking up speed to take off like we were on a roller coaster. Then they all cheered when we actually lifted of the ground. That was pretty cool. I needed that to be reminded how fun being young is. It completely cheers me up and has me forgetting all about that 5:20 wake up call...

8:01 a.m. - Until I realize I got so flustered in the security line that I left my room key in the plastic bucket thing. @$%!#, we are three days into this vacation and I have lost three room keys. My high from taking off with the kids is quickly dampening as I think about having to go face that grumpy front desk lady again who is going to sigh even harder this time. Dang It!

8:04 a.m. - Let that go and start looking out the window. It really is amazing. We fly over our side of the island and we can see the beach where we are staying. The water is amazingly blue and it is quite a beautiful thing to see.

8:09 a.m. - Lean my head back to get a little rest and...Oh wait, the flight is about over. Man that was short.

8:17 a.m. - As we are pulling up to the gate, I realize this is the first 5th of May that will be completely unaffected by Mexico's indepence since my mission.

8:42 a.m. - We catch a shuttle over to the rental car place in Honolulu and it resembles what I imagine one of the worst parts of Los Angeles to look like. We walk in and I am getting things settled when Shannon gets cornered by a lady who is there to provide tourist information to the tourists. She is what I would imagine authors are describing when they say that a person has a leathery face. Suffice it to say that life's mileage has not been kind to this lady. After just a few minutes, Shannon is desparate to get away. Right at that point, I have finished up and Shannon goes to get out. For what ever reason, she heads out the door backwards. I don't know if she was fearful that this lady would attack her from behind if given the opportunity or what, but she walks out the door backwards and completely misses the step down. She is in heels and flailing as she gets to the second step down and misses it as well. I have no idea how she managed to stay upright. I remember watching this happen thinking, "Oh my gosh, we are going to spend our time on Oahu in the ER." But somehow, Shannon manages to get her balance. We then count our blessings and run to the car to get away from this cursed place with its scary people and just get to the temple. That would have been easier had I remembered to take off the parking break.

9:02 a.m. - We are completely lost on the roads of Honolulu and it is raining hard. We finally just pull over and rework the GPS only to find that somehow, we had actually stumbled on the right road. The Likiliki highway (pronounced leaky leaky). It is completely sophomoric, but that names makes me smile everytime I hear it or say it. We start down the Likiliki highway (see, the irony of having Shannon in the car as we start down the Likiliki highway just makes me chuckle) and are suddenly in some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen.

9:48 a.m. - We arrive at the Laie temple and ask if we can do sealings. Apparently this is not a common request as we seem to throw the place into a bit of turmoil. But they recover nicely and we begin sealings for a list of Chinese names. This is the first time I have ever done Chinese names and it is fascinating to see the temple cards with Chinese characters on them. Also, apparently they did not keep records of Chinese women's names as every name was the male's name followed by the exact same name with the ending of Fu Yen. The sealer explained that Fu Yen is the equivalent of Mrs. in English. Interesting.







10:20 a.m. - They need the two witnesses to report to the veil and so they ask if we can wait until they return. We agree and sit down with the sealer. He begins to talk to us about the history of the area and it is fascinating. Apparently in the late 1800s the Church purchased 6,000 acres for $14,000. That acreage is now the home of the temple, BYU-Hawaii and the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). He told us how the owner of the land wanted to sell right away, but that purchasing the land would require local leaders to get permission from Salt Lake, which would take months. The local leader of the Church agonized over this until he had a dream that Brigham Young was there and he was providing a tour to the Prophet. In his dream, Brigham Young was very pleased with the land and the local leader took this dream to be a sign that he should purchase the land.

We also discovered that our sealer had just returned from Hong Kong where he had been serving as the Temple President. He had also served in Hong Kong as the Mission President. What was especially amazing was that he asked where we were from and when we told him Thatcher, he asked if we knew Nolan Reed, which I do. His grandson is in our Deacon's quorum. He had worked with Nolan at BYU-Hawaii for 20 years. In the Church, it is truly a small world.

10:51 a.m. - Following the sealings, we spent a few minutes in the Celestial Room and it was stunning (as they all are). By not having white as one of the major colors in any part of the temple that we had been in up to that point, it was such a stark contrast when the Celestial Room as all white. It just gleamed.

11:13 a.m. - Leaving the temple, we take time to take pictures and take in the beauty of the temple. It is quite a different look from our Arizona temples. While taking pictures, a gentleman walks up and asks if we would like him to take a picture of both of us together. We think that would be great. That would have been great, but unfortunately, he never really got to a decent level of comfort with our camera and so we ended up with a slightly out of focus and uneven picture of both of us in front of the temple. Oh well. However, the gentleman asked where we were from and when we told him, he asked if we knew Danny Merrill. He only released me from my mission. He said when we saw them again to say hello from Santa Ted. We have been on LDS property for under 3 hours and already have met two people who not only know where Thatcher is, but know people from there that we know. WOW!



11:42 a.m. - After changing our clothes, we need to eat. Folks at the temple suggested we eat before we go to the PCC as it can be a tad expensive. So, we remember the good experiences we have had at Da Kitchen and Polli's and decide to try a small local diner. The place we chose, L&L Chopstick Express...reminded us how good Da Kitchen and Polli's were. The food was so...Ugh! Oh well, at least we are full before we head into the PCC.

12:26 p.m. - We are at the PCC picking up our tickets and the one thing I really did not appreciate about the PCC makes its first appearance. I ask for our tickets and they ask if we have been to the PCC before. We reply that we have not. I am then told that the package we have purchased is really for those who have been there before and that we really want to upgrade to the next level. Because at the next level, we can become part of a tour and we can make sure to maximize our PCC experience. Also, we will get priority seating and first entry into the Luau. Finally, we convince them that somehow we will suffer through our subpar package for first timers and will not be upgrading. They then offer another package for a little less money that when boiled down to what we would actually use, consists of ice cream during the evening show. So we can pay $50 extra for ice cream. That had better be some D___ GOOD ice cream! We decline. Having been in sales for much of my adult life, there is nothing I despise more than being upsold. I found it extremely frustrating to be dealing with this at a Church owned facility. It was my one really negative experience at the PCC which otherwise, as you shall see, we enjoyed. However, I will revisit this once more before I am done.

12:48 p.m. - We stroll into the Samoa area and the sun has come out. It is muggy and starting to get a little warm. So what do we do? We walk over and sit in an area where they are doing a cooking demonstration. SMART!

12:59 p.m. - The Samoa show is about to start and one of the aforementioned tours suddenly materializes out of nowhere and the almost empty seating area is now completely full. Show has neat demonstration on how to make fire and how to climb a coconut tree.

1:38 p.m. - We wander through the New Zealand area with the Mowris and get matching arm tattoos. I am reminded again that I am grateful to live in a culture that does not apply value to having facial tattoos.



2:00 p.m. - The cultural canoe presentation of all of the cultures represented at the PCC begins and it is fantastic. I go over and video it while Shannon sits and visits with some people next to her. She comes away with one of my favorite tourist trap stories from our vacation. The people next to her were saying how impressed they were that they had taken the time to book a sunset dinner cruise. They felt extremely lucky because the company they went through had over booked and so they had to reschedule. But because of the reschedule, they were upgraded free of charge to a table with a window...(pause)...has it hit you yet? A sunset cruise where you only get a window with an upgrade? HMMM!!!! Glad we didn't book that one.

The canoe presentation is exquisite. It was especially special to me because one of my favorite home movies growing up was of my mom's and grandmother's trip to Hawaii. One of the highlights was the canoe presentation. So to get to see it in person was extremely cool.







2:30 p.m. - From the canoe presentation, we head to the Tonga show. I think the Tongan drums are my favorite cultural representation at the whole PCC. They really get going.

3:30 p.m. - Our next little show is the Tahiti hip dancers. To be completely honest, their movements defy gravity...or some physical law. To be able to keep their upper body that still while getting that much movement from their hips does not seem right. We are so impressed with them that we make sure Shannon gets a picture with the dancers before we leave.



4:13 p.m. - We wander through several areas where they are not currently having shows and we run across the Fiji guy who does actually bear a slight resemblence to someone from my nightmares. Nice guy though. I don't know if it is required if you work at the PCC, but up close I notice that he shaves his chest. Talk about hostile work environment.



5:00 p.m. - It is luau time!!! Positives: We get an actual floral lei. We meet some nice people seated at the same table as us. The food is pretty darn good.

Negatives: We are forced to turn to our neighbor whom we have never met and say Aloha. I hate doing stuff like this at leadership seminars, I sure as heck am gonna hate it on my vacation. Hawaiian music and more Hawaiian music. I am so ready to slip the guitar player a $20 and beg for some CCR. The hostess of the luau. I felt like I was transported to Las Vegas circa 1962. I am just one of those people who never felt like I needed to see the Lawrence Welk show in person and yet, here I am.

Overall, I discovered I am not a luau kind of guy. We found out later that we could have gotten the same food without the shmaltz just around the corner and it would have been a much more come and go as you please type of situation, which I would have preferred as we missed the IMAX show I wanted to see because we were stuck listening to the reincarnated female Dean Martin.

Final note from here; this is the point where I was feeling conflicted emotions. I was really glad I had not given into the constant pressure from the upsale at the beginning of the day. But on the flip side, I was even more frustrated at the attempts made at upselling at a Church owned site now that I saw what I would have gotten for my extra $60 bucks. We would have been treated like cattle. The tours just ran people from one thing to the next and never gave anyone an opportunity to experience anything. Second, the "preferred" seating at the luau was the table 1.5 feet directly to the right of us. Lastly, getting seated first at the luau? We actually got in first before any of them. Had I actually bought that, I would have been REALLY HOT!!! Good thing I would have had the $50 ice cream at the evening show to cool me off. I know I am spending a lot more time on this than all the other things we experienced, and that isn't fair. The rest of the PCC was incredible. The problem is trying to describe it. It was just beautiful and amazing and...you are probably sick of these and similar adjectives. But this one aspect was something I had no problem putting into words. And now, I will leave it alone. Unless for $10 more you would like me to continue for two more minutes.



6:21 p.m. - It has started to rain again and so we need to kill time before the evening show but indoors where we won't get soaked. This requires us to go into a store. We buy a few knick knacks, but mainly we just wander. We wander into a section of the store where a Tongan student is hanging out playing a ukelele. We start up a conversation and he asks where we are from. To most people we have been saying a small town in southeastern Arizona. Most people will respond, "Tucson?" We then describe where we are in relation to Tucson which leads to a glazed look on the other folks' faces 10 seconds in to our description. But this guy says, what's the name of your town. We say he probably hasn't heard of it but he says, "Try me." When we tell him Thatcher, he says that Brett Nelson from Thatcher was his favorite companion. Shannon grew up with the Nelsons in her ward and Brett and his wife actually lived in our ward for a short time. With the number of people now at three that know where Thatcher is and people from there, we are convinced that Thatcher is the nexus of the LDS universe. Incredible.



7:15 p.m. - Before we go into the evening show, Shannon stops at a pearl shop and wins a fresh pearl. Pretty neat! She then informs me she needs a $300 ring to set the pearl in. Man, even the free stuff here is expensive.



7:30 p.m. - The evening show, Ha - Breath of Life blows away anything we had seen up to this point and we had seen some pretty neat stuff. The highlights are the Tongan section with their drums, the Tahitian dancers and the Samoan fire dancer at the end. I could go on and on but it would include words like exquisite and beautiful and amazing and...you get the drift. Bottom line, the evening show was worth the entire price of admission...even without the ice cream. (Sorry, couldn't resist)

9:30 p.m. - We get to follow a tour bus going 40 mph all the way back to Honolulu. Imagine at least 10 snarky comments about that and you will have a small sampling of my thoughts during that 45 minute trip.

10:14 p.m. - We are following the GPS through downtown Honolulu (add downtown Honolulu to my list of places where my first experience driving them is at night) and my favorite GPS moment of the trip happens. It tells us, "At the end of the street turn right then at the end of the street turn left." I just thought that was kind of funny.

10:27 p.m. - We arrive at the parking lot of our hotel. It is a regular parking lot, but we are required to view it as valet parking. We get to pay $25 for this privilege. Now imagine seeing the spot they are going to park my car just 20 feet away from where we are speaking to the valet service. I could zip into the spot very easily. But no, they will do it for me...for $25. But I needn't worry. They will be available 24/7 to get my car when I need it...20 feet away. I almost ask if this is mugging Honolulu style, but I manage to stop myself.

10:32 p.m. - We check in and are told they are having a special. For just $15 more they will upgrade our room to one almost twice the size. Why would we need that for just one night???

10:38 p.m. - Because our standard room is the size of a shoe box. This picture below is taken with me leaning backwards over the credenza up against the main wall. The shower was smaller than a casket. Welcome to Waikiki Beach!!! I miss Maui already.



10:54 p.m. - Another added feature of our hotel is that even though we are 10 stories up, the buses and sirens of the street below sound like they are right in the room with us. Pretty sure we won't be making a return booking with the Courtyard by Marriott in Honolulu anytime soon. Fortunately, we are so tired, we fall asleep pretty quickly.