One Man's Trash...

I am looking forward to another night of being by myself with my kids. No really, I am. I don't think they are because I tend to be a little facist with regard to getting their nightly ritual chores done. But in the end, I also let them play the Wii more or watch Disney channel more than Shannon probably would. The reason I used the words "another night" is because for about a month, Shannon has been practicing to sing in the EAC presentation of The Messiah. For those of you who went to EAC, Shannon is part of the community that makes it a community choir. Do you remember those people? You know, those with the out of control vibrato, those who believe blending is appropriate for smoothies and shakes but not singing and those who believe a certain number of notes are, as Capt. Barbosa might say, mere "guidelines". That is now my wife. I am just kidding...about my wife. To be fair, according to Shannon, the others about whom I was not kidding are no longer given free reign. Dr. Bishop runs a tight ship and expects perfection. But they are not the point of what I was getting at. My point is, Shannon LOVES to sing the Messiah. It truly is something she looks forward to every year. I am not in any way mocking her when I say it is almost, and in some ways not even almost, a religious experience to be a part of this. I again want to emphasize that I am not mocking her. That needs to be abundantly clear now so that I will have some dignity left when we get to what I consider an almost religious experience.

As for me, I do not get her fascination with singing the Messiah. Don't get me wrong, it is really impressive music and beautiful, I just don't like to sing it. However, I like singing it way more than I like sitting absolutely still while someone else sings part of it as a solo. To Shannon, this experience is heaven. To me, I had more fun today getting some fillings put in my mouth because at least at our new dentist I got to watch X-Men 2 during the process. (That was flippin' rad. I hereby recommend Dr. Scott Lee to anyone within the sound of my typing fingers.) I am the only person I know who saw the bright side of having to have my wisdom teeth pulled out three weeks before Christmas and four weeks before my wedding. The bright side...I was excused from performing The Messiah. It just is amazing what moves some people and leaves others completely wanting.

For instance, my annual event that I look forward to almost as much as Christmas and way more than my birthday is the annual guys March Madness night at Buffalo Wild Wings. To me, arriving at 2 in the afternoon and grabbing a table that I will then sit at for approximately 7 to 8 hours, ordering 100 wings (not all for me) and watching four basketball games simultaneously while keeping track of my 10 different brackets that I have filled out is the epitome of GOOD TIMES!!!! I get to see some friends that I don't see any other time of year. I get to watch basketball in an environment where I can cheer out loud. And finally, I get to watch otherwise mature(???), responsible men try and eat a chicken wing that is named the Scorcher. You cannot beat that. Some of the highlights of this event include: Seeing Matt Johnson walk in late and start picking up some wings and grabbing a Scorcher without knowing it was a Scorcher and eating it unprepared. Accidently taking the direction to the men's bathroom that I would normally take at work only to discover that Buffalo Wild Wings was exactly opposite my place of work. I walked into the bathroom to see a nice couch and some flowers. It took about 2 full seconds to realize what I had done and when I walked out, there was a waitress standing there looking at me. She probably thought I was wasted and said, "Don't worry, it happens all the time." Lastly, three years ago, a female walked over to the table where Lamar, Danny Barney and I were watching the games. I had on my UofA shirt and she asked if I had them winning the tourney in my bracket. I said of course and she kind of tried to keep a conversation going for a little bit. I was well into the game and so after a moment she left. Afterwords, both Lamar and Danny were laughing and I couldn't figure out why. They explained she had been trying to hit on me. Now you have to understand, first, I am so happily married that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. Second, I have added enough poundage over the years that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. Third, I have lost enough hair so that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. I said, "What??? But I'm bald." They said at the exact same time, "You have your hat on!" Looking back, I believe she actually was hitting on me. Not sure why. But you can bet I went home and told Shannon, "Babe, your man still has it goin' on." To which she replied, "That's great. Get away from me, you smell like chicken wings."

I don't know why this event is so important to me, but it is. Each year, I can't believe how fast it ends. My wife would rather dine at a Pakistani McDonald's than eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. If you ever want to see a severe violent reaction that resembles electric shock, suggest to Shannon that you eat lunch at a Buffalo Wild Wings.

The funny thing is, Shannon and I are very compatible and yet have such differing tastes on so many things. I have asked for The Dark Knight for Christmas (I asked Amazon so I am pretty sure I am getting it.) and she will hate it. However, Little Women is one of her all time favorites and is a movie sure to get me to go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon just to get out of the house. (The Safford Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon is the equivalent of the seventh circle of hell.) I have come to believe that Shannon now picks her wardrobe based on Ryan's anti-choice. It never fails...EVER! If I like one outfit, she prefers the other. It just works out that way.

So I take this opportunity to reflect on and celebrate our differences. Honey, enjoy your practice tonight. It will be over way to fast. As for me, I will get the kids in bed, turn on a pre-season college basketball game and entertain visions of hotwings dancing in my head.