The Greatest Countdown of 2008

I have to admit it. I am that person that gets totally sucked into the countdowns they do at the end of every year about the greatest (fill-in the blank) moments of (fill-in whatever the current year happens to be). When they did those 100 years of movies countdowns where they they counted down the greatest 100 movies of the last century, I was totally glued from almost beginning to end. I mean really, why do I care that a certain number of people think certain movies are better than others. I mean top to bottom, I prefer Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade over Raiders of the Lost Ark. (Two thoughts here. First, I am not knocking Raiders at all. It is one of my favorite movies. This is kind of like saying I prefer Haagan Daaz Bailey's Irish Cream flavor to their Dulce de Leche flavor. Would totally kill for either one, but if given the choice, I do have a preference. Second, I refuse to call it Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark. That is not its title even though everyone has tried to make it so in the last few years. No one needs to be told that Raiders is an Indiana Jones movie. I do not refer to my family as Ryan Rapier and The Rapier Family of Thatcher. Total crap. It is Raiders of the Lost Ark and any other title is dead to me.) However, "true critics" always put Raiders of the Lost Ark on lists like this because of its "historical significance". I say Bull Crap. Either we are talking about the best movies or the movies with the most historical significance. If it is the latter, rename your stupid list. Are you getting a good glimpse into why I get caught up in these countdowns? I am not sure how, but I am somewhat certain that this says a whole lot more about me than I would like to admit. I think the low point for my countdown obsession came when Shannon and I heard a countdown on the way home from the 4th of July fireworks a few years back on XM satellite radio. It was the top ten country songs with the word "jukebox" in it. We got home when they were on song number five and I kept running back outside and sitting in my car with the key turned to auxiliary to find out what was number 1. By the way, it was "He'll Have To Go" by Jim Reeves. (Truly deserving as winner if you ask me. No better opening line to a romantic song that "Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone." I told you, I am pathetic when it comes to this.)














Kate sitting with Grandma and her new toy which even with all the lights and everything amounted to one big teething ring.

Wow, that opening wasn't supposed to be that long. Anyway, in honor of the end of the year, I have posted some of our Christmas pictures and now will move into the GREATEST COUNTDOWN OF 2008!!!! Enough hype? This countdown is My Top 10 Favorite Experiences Related To Sports in My First 35 1/2 Years Of Life! (I can actually hear the groan from readers who are female as well as hear the sound of them reaching for their mouse to click to the next blog.) Hold On! It won't be as bad as you think. Well, maybe it will, but keep in mind this is also functioning as my journal somewhat so I respect that some of you will need to do what you've got to do. For the rest of you, HERE...WE....GOOOOO!!!!!!!















Sunrise Christmas morning in Duncan

10. As stated before, some friends and I have a tradition of gathering every year at a sports eating establishment where alcohol may or may not be served to watch the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. The reason??? They always have large screens on which to follow all the games that are being played at one time. This is a chance to catch up with friends from college that I don't see any other time of year. But probably my best memory will be the first year we did this at Six Shooters in Tempe, right across the street from ASU campus. That night, the best team in the country (Kansas) was playing a school named Holy Cross. WHO? Holy Cross. This was expected to be a complete blowout. Instead, the team from Holy Cross either led or was within one point up until the last minute of the game. One of the best games I have ever seen. Anyway, they lost, but I have never forgotten the adrenaline rush of being in a room with 50 people I had never met and all cheering on a team we knew nothing about nor would care about one bit once the game was over. Ladies, it is kind of like seeing Twilight with a theater full of women. As you walk out of the theater in tears and see others you have never met in the same state, you make an eye connection and it quietly says "Yes, we have shared an experience here that bonds us." That is what happened that night and I still get chills thinking about it.


















Jerry and Logan stacking Logan's new blocks. Despite Jerry's best efforts to show Logan what the blocks said, all Logan was interested in was knocking them down.

9. When Abby could barely talk, I taught her to say Randy Johnson when people asked who her favorite baseball player was. She did it on cue every time. She even watched several games with me that year. Can't force her to watch a game now, but I will never forget Randy Johnson's first year as a Diamondback simply for the experiences I had with my daughter.














Abby, Logan and Braden opening their gifts from Grandma Claridge

8. When I was in high school, I lived and breathed for the Boston Celtics. In 1987, it looked like they were going to get bounced from the playoffs by the Detroit Pistons. In fact, it looked so bad, my best friend Jared called me and laughed into the phone. It made me so mad, I turned around and hit the wall with my fist. Unfortunately, our wall downstairs is solid brick. My hand hurt for three weeks. Anyway, when it seemed as if it was totally over, Isaiah Thomas took the ball to throw it in and finish off my beloved Celtics. However, he threw a horrible pass and Larry Bird came out of no where and stole it, threw it behind his back to Dennis Johnson who made a nice little left handed lay up and the Celtics won the game. I immediately took my very sore hand and called Jared and just laughed into the phone.














Grandma Rapier watching some horrible Scooby Doo movie with Logan. Now that is being a trooper.

7. The second year of the Diamondbacks existence, they did what no team had ever done before that early. They made the playoffs. I got tickets to the second playoff game and Shannon and I went. This is a great memory because my wife put up with a lot of Diamondbacks stuff that year and she did it with a smile. She went to that game and got totally into it even though some moron behind us had big old freaking bell that he would ring every time Jay Bell came to bat. I think my ears rang for a week after that game.














Is that SNOW in the Gila Valley? Darn straight. All .16 inches of it.

6. When I shot a 45 on the golf course at Mt Graham Golf Course and beat Heath Brown straight up. That doesn't happen very often. Ok, pretty much never. Felt Great! For a further explanation, see the archives for a blow by blow on this event.














Rapier Family Christmas morning. Just prior to naps.

5. This last year, my beloved Celtics made the NBA Finals. To make it even sweeter, they got to play the evil (I spit upon them) Lakers. I don't subject my family to sporting events much anymore. I just don't have the time. But, I made time to watch these games. And to my delight, Braden watched every one of them with me. Begged to stay up and watch them with me and cheer on the Celtics. For those of you who know Braden, you won't be surprised to learn that he mainly wanted to keep track of the clock that was ticking down at the top of the screen and update me every time the numbers changed for the score (He didn't actually make the connection for a while that the guys making baskets had a direct effect on those numbers. In truth, I don't think he cared.) but he cheered and we had a great time. It was my first real watching sports bonding moment with my son. Can't beat that.


4. Watching the AZ Diamondbacks World Series Run in 2001. I watched almost every game with my friend Spencer and we suffered through the two losses in the bottom of the ninth and then extra innings. We stood outside the stadium (couldn't come close to affording tickets) during the blowout of game six and then we nervously paced in front of the television before screaming in exultation when Luis Gonzalez hit that bloop that won Game 7. We hugged and jumped up and down while still hugging. Shannon to this day can't believe she saw that. However, I am not ashamed. That was a freaking awesome game.


3. While still in the two year "honeymoon period" of our marriage, the Arizona Wildcats had their amazing run to the Championship of the NCAA basketball tournament. In many ways, our lives stopped for three weeks. I think Shannon knew how much I liked basketball, but she had never seen anything like this. During the Kansas game in the sweet 16 round, she watched as me and my friend Preston laid prostrate (I just had one of those internal debates. Is it prostrate or prostate? Being wrong would be highly embarassing. So I checked) on the floor in front of the television doing everything short of begging diety for intervention to let our team win. I have always felt it is inappropriate to pray for my sporting teams to win. Just doesn't seem right. But I came close during that game. All the way through the tourney, it was just one amazing game after another. I then remembering calling Shannon's dad after it was over and basking in the glow of the game. When awesome sports things happen, I really wish he was here as my father has never really had an interest in televised sports.


2. The amazing Eastern Arizona College basketball season of 1994-95. They went undefeated and I count it up in part to the hometown crowd they had that season. We were loud, obnoxious and highly smug about ourselves. We even took our fanhood on the road for a couple of games including to Mesa Community College where we got one of the opposing players to flip us off leading to a technical that basically won the game for us. After the game, a mother of one of the MCC players came down the stands and decked the guy running the clock which led to fight at mid-court. We left as quickly as possible. Some highlights; painted faces, the newspaper reading during the opposing team's intros, my beloved megaphone (sigh!), Vidal Sassoon, Goat Boy, Fat Albert and some flipping amazing dunks that that team was famous for. Absolutely the definition of GOOD TIMES!


1. The only sports moment I personally took part in was in high school when I was playing in the District Tennis Tournament for the right to go to state. All my partner and I had to do was win one more match against a doubles team we had already beaten. I remember after the first point in which I slammed the ball over the other team's heads, I turned to my best friend who was watching and gave him the thumbs up sign with all the cockiness that a male high school senior can summon up. We followed that point up by...losing the first set 0-6. We then fell behind in the second set (best two out of three) 0-3. My coach was so upset he left and couldn't watch anymore. Somehow, we came back and won the second set only to go down 0-3 in the third. We came all the back and got a match point in a tie breaker. I remember saying to myself, please double fault, pleeeaaase double fault...And he did. That led to the only other male bonding sports hug I ever received. My partner ran over and picked me up and we screamed and our teammates ran on the court. It was awesome. We went the next week and got killed in the first round at state, but no one can take away that moment when we fought back and won that match.


So for those who hung with me through this post, there you go. For those of you wondering why you hung with me through this post, I hope it wasn't too bad. So as you hear all the countdowns that accompany ever year end, I encourage you to think of your own. They have to be way more uplifting than the Top 10 political scandals of 2008 which is sure to expanded to 20 to get everyone in. I'd love to hear about them, but either way, here is to another year ending and a chance to create more countdown lists in 2009. Happy New Year!

Christmas Musings

I am sitting here in my office today with very little to do while I wait for a phone call from a doctor we are hoping to attract to the Gila Valley. I am a little down because Danae and Lamar are in town and Shannon's whole family is hanging out and getting ready to go play in the snow on Mt Graham, which is still coming down at the moment. So, with nothing else to do, I decided to take the time to record my thoughts and reflections on this Christmas and those that have come before.

1. When I was about six or seven years old, our family got the game Clue for Christmas. My family has always been big on games and this is one of the first that I got to play at the "Big Boy" table. I will never forget my introduction to Rapier game playing. Our first game was going along smoothly when I ventured into the Library. Not having a clue (ha ha) what I was doing, I suggested Miss Scarlet in the Library with the Revolver. (This should prove how scarring and influential this event was on my life. I remember those three things as clear as day.) No one showed me any cards. I didn't have any of the cards and so had I been a little quicker on the uptake, I would have realized that I now had the opportunity to win the game by accusing. I did not. Now some parents would point this out to their children and help them learn the game and give them a positive "I am special" kind of moment by pointing out what I was missing and letting me win the first ever Rapier Family Clue game. My mother did not. She was next and she started her turn by accusing Miss Scarlet with the Revolver in the Library and won the game. She then pointed out to me that if no one shows you anything, you probably ought to accuse. She also pointed out that she knew I wasn't savvy enough to be bluffing and actually be holding one of the cards I was suggesting in my hand. She was right, but I did the next game. I was the only seven year old I knew who was now crafty enough to suggest cards I had when I played Clue. Thanks Mom

2. One of my favorite memories ever is of Abby when we first got our video camera. She wasn't quite two but was speaking perfectly and was also in that stage where all other clothing other than her underwear was completely inhibiting. One of our first videos is of Abby in front of the Christmas tree in her underwear singing Jingle Bells. She gets quite upset when someone tries to help her. (Oh how so much has not changed.) I miss that little voice and that beautiful long curly hair. However, I am glad she has taken to wearing clothing.

3. Talking to my parents for the first time during my second Christmas in the mission field. Our mission had had a "no phone call period" policy in effect for the first 18 months of my mission until the Church established a Churchwide rule of Christmas and Mother's Day. That was a really neat experience to hear their voices for the first time in a year and a half.

4. Going to see the Christmas lights at the Temple and then going to a hot chocolate (coffee) house nearby. Abby was 2 I believe and a guy walked in with his hair done in that obnoxious style where they would take a square and pull all the hair into a point so that it looks like a head full of spikes. Shannon and I both could see she zoned right onto his head and watched him without blinking. We were just waiting for the comment that was sure to come. We almost made it and then as he was headed out the door she said, "How come he has stickers all over his head?" I am sure it was much cuter if you were there, but we had a good laugh.

5. When my Uncle Jack's family would come for the Rapier Christmas Eve party in a Honda Civic. These Honda Civics were much smaller than today's version and it was incredible to see two parents and seven kids climb out of that car. If I remember right, they would have one child on my aunt's lap in the front seat, the three oldest in the back seat with two on their laps and then my cousin Annette in the back window. If any of them read this, please correct me if I am mistaken. Bottom line, that was almost better than the circus version of the clown car. And thinking about it makes me shudder what would happen if a cop pulled them over today.

6. The year Braden was two and got a car track for Christmas from Santa. He couldn't be bothered to hardly open his other presents and when he would, he would look at them and put them down and head right back to the car track. There aren't a lot of times that Santa really gets it that right. You treasure the moments when he does.

7. Same year, we made cookies while we decorated the tree. We told the kids they couldn't have any until the tree was done. Braden repeatedly walked over and put his nose directly into a cookie. "I'm just smelling it!" You can't beat the innocence of a two year old at Christmas.

8. Our last few Christmases with Keith. This is one of those that you remember them more fondly in hindsight for obvious reasons, but I remember him sitting next to Lamar during Lamar's first Christmas with the family and the two of them just laughing constantly. When he gave Marilyn her ring. Seeing the look in his eyes as he watched Abby open presents with her broken arm. Playing horse outside with Clinton's new basketball, then the next year, playing horse outside with Clinton's new basketball. Clinton was tough on basketballs through overuse.

9. Looking for my name on my Granny's Christmas tablecloth at the Rapier Christmas Eve party. She had a cloth with all of her kids' names on it and then all of her Grandkids' names. It was so cool when I would find mine. I wonder where that table cloth went to.

10. My dad would also start a fire in the fire place and burn all the wrapping paper on Christmas morning when we were done opening the gifts. It was the only fire we generally had all year and the flames were all really cool colors because of the color in the paper. He still does that and I still love it.

I think I am ready for Christmas now. Christmas memories are the best. Merry Christmas to everyone and may your day be filled with new memories that last forever.

Below is a neat article that I think speaks to the season.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373

Who Gave The Authorization For It To Be Christmas Already

As I sit here, I am trying to calm myself before my head detaches itself from my neck and shoots around the room like an untied balloon. Shannon will be the first to tell you I may not be the best at handling stress. I tend to get a bit exercised about things. Some might call it over reacting, others might even refer to my outbursts as "freaking out". I would say those descriptions are a tad bit dramatic...in fact I would even say that they might be a bit unfair...REALLY UNFAIR! I am a perfectly in control person who just shows a little bit of passion when it comes to several things I deem important hitting me at once. Now where in the Crap did I put that freaking 2007 W2 statement that I need. Every FREAKING time I need something I can't find it because we just put things where they dont' belong. I know it isn't me, because I always put things where they belong so it has to be those dang kids. (I might even accuse my wife at this point, but even when I am out of control I recognize there are lines you don't cross. Having said that, Shannon will tell you that my insinuations are that yes it is her fault and that probably isn't an unfair statement. So where were we) Why was it we had four kids again? I can't remember because I can't find one dang thing that would remind me along with anything I could possibly freaking need at this moment. I don't care that I may not be making any sense whatsoever. If anybody TRULY cared they would find a way to understand I am saying. I can find a Christmas card from 2004, but a financial document that will affect our future dramatically, OF COURSE NOT!!!! This is Ridiculous. THIS IS CRAP, THIS IS TOTAL BS!!! Oh wait, here it is. (Now see, how can any of that be considered freaking out. I just don't see it.)

So what is putting me in this frame of mind this wonderful holiday season? I have taken on way to much without realizing until this morning that Christmas is 6 days away. How did that happen? Now I am going to admit something that if I am confronted with later, I will totally deny. I did most of this to myself.

First of all, as previously mentioned, I put videos together for people to celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, weddings or whatever. I make this process way harder than it has to be. I agonize trying to find what I consider the perfect song for the pictures or video segment I am working on. Most people would probably have an easy answer and move on because a lot of different songs will work. I am too picky. Last night is a perfect example. I am putting a video together that pretty much was going smoothly, but then I hit a snag. I need a song that encapsulates the mood of being with family both during every day memories as well as milestone events. Easy you might say, but wait, there is more. I would have solved this long ago. The problem is, the main recipient of this video is an older couple who may not appreciate a rock or pop song. Shannon said, no problem, use "Through the Years" by Kenny Rogers. Good suggestion, but one problem. I hate that song. I hate the melody, I hate the schmaltziness, I just hate it in general. I may still have to use it, but I will exhaust every other option. So she and I spent about 4 hours last night looking for the right song. She found the right song about 10 different times. I always found something wrong. By 11 p.m. we were so depressed, we gave up and went to bed. Do you realize how many people want to say in song to those they love, "I sure am glad I have you, because the rest of my life sucks." It got so bad, I was half way considering something by Sly and the Family Stone.

Also on our plate, in the middle of everything else, I get a great idea. Why don't we refinance our house because we can get a 4.85% rate on a 30 year fixed. That may not sound like a bad idea. It really isn't until you put it smack dab in the middle of 5 doctors we are trying to recruit to the hospital come to town in one week. Having to host a leadership class at the hospital for a day and therefore losing access to my computer. Christmas concerts, Christmas parades and Christmas parties all of which Shannon has had to take the lead on. And, in case anyone else may have missed this, IT'S 6 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!! I am so stupid.

Add to the above that I still need to get some Christmas presents and every time I think I will have some to get to that, my time gets eaten up by the other activities I have taken on. (I need to stop for a moment, my head is feeling that pressure again simply from describing everything....ok, my pulse is back under 200, I think we're fine for the moment.)

So today, I am trying to remember just how good I have it and not freak out, or whatever anyone wants to call it. I need to remember how blessed I am. First of all, I am blessed because we are celebrating our Savior's birth. Without Him, nothing else matters. Second, I could have it worse. My wife is having to deal with all of this (most of which I created) while also dealing with the root canal from hell. Without getting into too many details, she had her second visit of what should have been a one visit procedure and discovered she will have to go back again, multiple times. She is dealing with pain and yet handling everything, including my tantrums, like a trooper. Lastly, (I am seriously tearing up as write this...I am not joking.) A guy roughly my age down the street lost his wife this week. I can't even begin to describe how horrible I feel for him and his four kids. When I even try to put myself in their situation, I can't begin to think about it because it is too hard. My life may have its stresses, but for now, I have my wonderful wife and wonderful kids and we are healthly and together. That is enough. That is more than enough. That is everything.

So let's bring 2008 to a close. It has been a tough year for a lot of people. Let's do it by celebrating the life of He who allows us the opportunity to be with our families for eternity. Because for some, that knowledge is all they have. Our hearts and prayers go out to the Curtis family.

Lions and Tigers and Mervyn's Going Out of Business Shoppers, OH MY!!!

Just a few random thoughts from this weekend when Shannon and I went down to Mesa and Phoenix to do a majority of our Christmas shopping. An accompanying picture is of me and Kate Sunday morning after a non-stop Saturday. Another is Danica with Kate during our visit to see them. It was so good to see them on Saturday night and catch up with them. It was our first trip to their apartment on the West side of Phoenix and it was so hard to leave because our next chance to see them will probably be February. So we wish them the best and hope they know we miss them very badly. Also, sorry Cody if we only made Danica even more baby hungry. If we could have brought Logan at that age we would have. Would have cured everything. Now to some thoughts I had during the shopping season as experienced this past Saturday:

1. When Wal-Mart is your only shopping option in Safford, you forget how absolutely wonderful Target is and just how much Wal-Mart sucks. I would like to come up with a wickedly smart comment about how bad Wal-Mart is, but their total lousiness just isn't funny anymore. So what is so much better about Target? I know I don't need to answer this, but one, they don't put a million and one things in the aisles. Nothing like having to walk through women's unmentionables because you couldn't get down the main aisles which were blocked by the lastest version of the toe hair shaver and two people with carts who found that item too interesting to resist pondering over for ten minutes. Two, you can see in Target. Wal-Mart must be going green and refusing to use lightbulbs. It is like a cave in there. Three, Target actually staffs their check out posts, at least to the point where you are generally second or third in line. I have waited 20 minutes at Wal-Mart in an eight person line to get a couple of cans of dog food. I was worried if I had to wait much longer, I would have had to eat the dog food for survival purposes. Target was probably the most positive shopping experience of the day.

2. Going out of business sales bring out a certain segment of the shopping population that you don't normally see in the mall. I recognize this comment makes me sound a bit snobbish and maybe I am, but Mervyn's this weekend was a completely different experience I would just as soon not have again. It felt like someone decided to have a swap meet inside the northern part of Superstition Springs mall.

3. AMAZING SALES BEFORE CHRISTMAS are really not that amazing. I am perfectly aware that I am new to this shopping game and this fact is something most of you probably already knew. I am sure that the 50% off tags had to have been 50% off of the 40% increase in price they had just prior to the sale.

4. I am thankful for a wife who doesn't put a lot of pressure to get too much stuff for the holidays. When we finished up and our checkbook hadn't burst into flames, I just reached over and hugged her.

5. I want to move into the Bass Pro Shop store.

6. I am really saddened that the Thomas Kinkade galleries have started to hire former used car salesmen to staff their stores. When I stepped in to look at the latest paintings and heard the guy say, "I guarantee this one won't last the rest of the day. I have already sold the only other two I had this morning." I had flashbacks of trying to get off the Earnhardt's car lot when we were first married. I love his art, but it may not be worth the effort to admire it anymore if I have to have some idiot saying in my ear, "Ok, what is it going to take to get you into a painting today."

7. I have the best baby ever. Kate went and got her pictures taken at 9:00 a.m. and then got dragged to more than 15 different stores without crying once. Shannon has never had that experience before, not even with me. Ok, especially with me.

8. For the first time in my life, those chair they have in the mall that want you to pay $1 for a three minute massage sounded awesome. I actually paid it and didn't have a second thought.

9. As bad as it got in some of the stores in the mall, the most competitive shopping experience was the 15 minutes I spent elbowing senior citizens at the Farmer's Market in Mesa just trying to get my father some grapefruit. Living in the cold weather states must just make a person meaner than they would normally be. Follow up example, I submit the sport of hockey.

I am happy to report we are all but done with Christmas shopping. In fact, it is the Christmas shopping that can almost ruin the whole reason for the season. Now, we can sit back and enjoy the other yearly traditions of hour and a half long primary school concerts and dental work (oh wait, that is just our family.) To help us remember the reason for the season, last week for FHE, we went caroling to some elderly people in our ward and left them some cookies. It was really neat and our kids loved it. (See Photo) They were very appreciative and hopefully our kids will remember something about Christmas other than the "What I got Christmas morning" memories.

Dentists And The Holidays

Shannon has always been a far more private person than me. I believe this is one of the reasons that the blog is left up to me. She is ok putting out one sentence on facebook, but beyond that, would prefer to follow the counsel of the many English people who would tell me, "I keep meself to meself." So when we were gearing up for Shannon to visit the dentist this week for a root canal, she told me specifically on Tuesday evening, "You better not blog about this." I informed her that her root canal (I am ok to mention that she had a root canal because she put that out on facebook.) was going to be the main focus in my next blog entry. That was not met with any enthusiasm whatsoever. So we agreed that I would write about her experience and then she would come along behind and blackout whatever she didn't want on the blog. The following is her experience:

Shannon arrived at Dr. Scott Lee's on the morning of Dec. 10, at approximately 8:30 a.m. Shannon does not like the smell of a dentist's office and was immediately apprehensive upon entering and catching a whiff of that familiar scent. They called her back and she had the opportunity to select a movie that she could watch during her procedure. She selected National Treatsure. At that point, -----------------------------------and----------------------------------"I'LL SHOW YOU ANOTHER SHOT"-----------------------------------then he proceeded to-----------------------------------------------------------(unintelligible crying) -------------------------------AAAAHHHHHHGHGHGHGH!!!!--------------------------------KILL ME NOW!!!!!----------------------------------------------------------at which point---------------------------------(more unintelligible mumbling possibly regarding suing his butt off)------------------------*%&!*#----------------------. She then returned home with the depressing news that she would be returning again the following Wednesday to finish the procedure.

I truly wish my wife the best with this and want her to know I love her. She did make the comment to me that she was pretty sure that the three C-sections she endured were not as bad as this experience. Recognizing that I ran the risk of having my head removed from my neck, I suggested she was a little to close to this experience at this point to make a true comparison. Fortunately, the Percoset had started to take some effect and I received only a nasty look.

Seeing Shannon experience this reminded me of my December experience of getting my wisdom teeth removed. It was a very depressing time for me because I had always been under the impression that if you didn't have to have your wisdom teeth out prior to going on your mission, they would never have to come out period. What a naive fool I was. Anyway, the morning of the procedure arrived and Shannon drove me over to the...I am not sure what the person who does this is called. I don't really care either. We were engaged at this point, scheduled to be married within about a month. I got to the office and went back to THE CHAIR and was pretty nervous. However, within minutes I was in a very special world with clouds and pink bunnies and other such happy things. I vaguely remember waking up and Shannon being there. The next thing I remember is being in her mom's car on the way back to my apartment. I asked how I had gotten there. Shannon informed me I had walked there with her help. I informed her that she was incorrect, I had walked no where. She informed me that, no, I had in fact walked to the car. I informed her back a little more emphatically that she was mistaken. I was very sure that I had not walked anywhere because it was not a part of my memory at all. She then challenged me with the question of "If you didn't walk to the car, you tell me how you got here." I had no answer and so I proceeded to drift in and out the rest of the way home.

Once back at my apartment, she tried to help me get comfortable on my bed and get ready to rest. My roommates, Mike Bradley and Preston Bigler were there and while hanging around, I don't believe they really cared about my comfort so much, they just thought it very entertaining to watch a highly drugged individual try to circumvent a messy college guys' apartment. I laid on the bed and Shannon turned around to take care of something and I told her she had a nice butt. I had not told her this previously as it seemed inappropriate in my fully aware state of mind. My happy place, drug addled mind thought it was perfectly reasonable to share this vital piece of information. I don't remember a lot, but I remember Mike and Preston found that declaration very funny. Once I was coherent again, I found I had a better understanding of why people would not want to get involved with drinking. Very weird things seem very plausible in that state of mind. Anyway, I then complained that the bed wasn't comfortable and I was bored. Shannon told me I needed to sleep. I said I wasn't tired. So she helped me on to the couch and put on Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for me. By the time she got it in and pushed the play button, I had somehow fallen asleep. My only other real memory of this time is that the only thing that felt good on my cheeks was frozen burritos. Go Figure.

So our family has a strong history of dental work around the holidays. Shannon and I both have appointments next week. Mine is a couple of fillings need to be repaired. Hers is much worse I'm afraid. So when our kids get individual rock collections made up from fine stones found in our driveway for Christmas, at least we can say, "But kids, don't our teeth look good and at least we allowed another family, Dr. Scott Lee's family, to have a brighter holiday. " At that point, Shannon can invoke the true Christmas spirit by quoting Charles Dickens. "God Bleth Uth, Evewy One."

The City That Never Sleeps...Before 10 p.m.

It was that time of year again for the Safford 6th Annual Light Parade. Shannon's family has taken to attending this each year and enjoying the joy that is the Christmas season in a small town. Last year, we had the right idea by going out to dinner at Casa Manana just prior, leaving our car parked in their parking lot and walking down to the parade route. It worked perfectly. So did we learn to not fix something if it isn't broken? Of course not. This time around, we met up by Safford park and walked several blocks to a spot right out front of the Safford Town Hall. I think we may have accidently found where the designated smoking area is for this event. Anyway, it was not too bad of a walk and we got settled in. That is when all confusion broke loose as the Safford Fire Alarm went off right at 7:00 p.m. straight up. Not kidding. We all thought it was the way they were announcing the beginning of the parade, but then fire trucks started cutting through the crowd to get out and then nobody had any idea what was going on. In the final analysis, I have come up with what really happened. The Safford Fire Dept. forgot about the parade. That wouldn't have worked because they were the final entry and had Santa on board. I subscribe to this theory because there were actually two fire engines that were headed in two different directions right at 7:00 p.m. and when they finally came around the corner as the last parade entry, their Christmas light offering was pretty thin. I think one engine was headed to the end of the parade route and the other to Home Depot or WalMart to get lights. Have I ever mentioned that conspiracy theorist tendencies run in my family.

Anyway, the parade finally started...or maybe it didn't. The military color guard came around the corner and started the parade and they were followed by...um...uh...nothing. We proceeded to wait about five minutes before the first float showed up. I wish I were exagerating, but I am not. Unfortunately, this was to be the pattern for about the first 7 or 8 floats. I know this for certain because I checked the time and it was 7:23 and we had seen about 5 or 6 floats. Again, not exagerating but we saw the first float headed back to the starting point as we were seeing the 7th entry in the parade. Fortunately, they got that issue worked out and things picked up the pace. With over 50 entries, that would have been one long parade. But as it turned out, it was really good. There were a lot more floats than last year and the effort made on the floats was fantastic.

And what did my kids think of the event? Float #2, Braden, "It's cold, when are we going home?" Float #6, Abby, "I'm bored and I am cold, when are we going home?" Float #16, Logan, "Ahhhh!!!" Translation, I am cold and want to go home. Kate however, enjoyed the whole thing from start until almost finish. We couldn't get her to pose for photos very well because the lights had her transfixed (See Photo). On the way back to the car, Abby said when she grew up she was moving to Panama because it is closer to the equator and isn't so cold. I believe it got down to a whopping 55 degrees. Also on the way back to the car, Braden was mad because he carried a chair for Logan that Logan never sat in. In his own words, "I carried that chair for nothing. FOR NOTHING!!!" But not to worry, Logan demanded to carry that chair back to the car all by himself. It caused us an additional 10 minutes in travel time back to the car, but that was worth it as opposed to the argument that would have ensued. You just don't win arguments with 4 year olds.

Overall, we had a very good time. Abby swears she will never go again, but she isn't in charge so we will do it again next year. However, I hope we remember all the advantages and have dinner at Casa first.

One Man's Trash...

I am looking forward to another night of being by myself with my kids. No really, I am. I don't think they are because I tend to be a little facist with regard to getting their nightly ritual chores done. But in the end, I also let them play the Wii more or watch Disney channel more than Shannon probably would. The reason I used the words "another night" is because for about a month, Shannon has been practicing to sing in the EAC presentation of The Messiah. For those of you who went to EAC, Shannon is part of the community that makes it a community choir. Do you remember those people? You know, those with the out of control vibrato, those who believe blending is appropriate for smoothies and shakes but not singing and those who believe a certain number of notes are, as Capt. Barbosa might say, mere "guidelines". That is now my wife. I am just kidding...about my wife. To be fair, according to Shannon, the others about whom I was not kidding are no longer given free reign. Dr. Bishop runs a tight ship and expects perfection. But they are not the point of what I was getting at. My point is, Shannon LOVES to sing the Messiah. It truly is something she looks forward to every year. I am not in any way mocking her when I say it is almost, and in some ways not even almost, a religious experience to be a part of this. I again want to emphasize that I am not mocking her. That needs to be abundantly clear now so that I will have some dignity left when we get to what I consider an almost religious experience.

As for me, I do not get her fascination with singing the Messiah. Don't get me wrong, it is really impressive music and beautiful, I just don't like to sing it. However, I like singing it way more than I like sitting absolutely still while someone else sings part of it as a solo. To Shannon, this experience is heaven. To me, I had more fun today getting some fillings put in my mouth because at least at our new dentist I got to watch X-Men 2 during the process. (That was flippin' rad. I hereby recommend Dr. Scott Lee to anyone within the sound of my typing fingers.) I am the only person I know who saw the bright side of having to have my wisdom teeth pulled out three weeks before Christmas and four weeks before my wedding. The bright side...I was excused from performing The Messiah. It just is amazing what moves some people and leaves others completely wanting.

For instance, my annual event that I look forward to almost as much as Christmas and way more than my birthday is the annual guys March Madness night at Buffalo Wild Wings. To me, arriving at 2 in the afternoon and grabbing a table that I will then sit at for approximately 7 to 8 hours, ordering 100 wings (not all for me) and watching four basketball games simultaneously while keeping track of my 10 different brackets that I have filled out is the epitome of GOOD TIMES!!!! I get to see some friends that I don't see any other time of year. I get to watch basketball in an environment where I can cheer out loud. And finally, I get to watch otherwise mature(???), responsible men try and eat a chicken wing that is named the Scorcher. You cannot beat that. Some of the highlights of this event include: Seeing Matt Johnson walk in late and start picking up some wings and grabbing a Scorcher without knowing it was a Scorcher and eating it unprepared. Accidently taking the direction to the men's bathroom that I would normally take at work only to discover that Buffalo Wild Wings was exactly opposite my place of work. I walked into the bathroom to see a nice couch and some flowers. It took about 2 full seconds to realize what I had done and when I walked out, there was a waitress standing there looking at me. She probably thought I was wasted and said, "Don't worry, it happens all the time." Lastly, three years ago, a female walked over to the table where Lamar, Danny Barney and I were watching the games. I had on my UofA shirt and she asked if I had them winning the tourney in my bracket. I said of course and she kind of tried to keep a conversation going for a little bit. I was well into the game and so after a moment she left. Afterwords, both Lamar and Danny were laughing and I couldn't figure out why. They explained she had been trying to hit on me. Now you have to understand, first, I am so happily married that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. Second, I have added enough poundage over the years that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. Third, I have lost enough hair so that that scenario didn't even enter my mind. I said, "What??? But I'm bald." They said at the exact same time, "You have your hat on!" Looking back, I believe she actually was hitting on me. Not sure why. But you can bet I went home and told Shannon, "Babe, your man still has it goin' on." To which she replied, "That's great. Get away from me, you smell like chicken wings."

I don't know why this event is so important to me, but it is. Each year, I can't believe how fast it ends. My wife would rather dine at a Pakistani McDonald's than eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. If you ever want to see a severe violent reaction that resembles electric shock, suggest to Shannon that you eat lunch at a Buffalo Wild Wings.

The funny thing is, Shannon and I are very compatible and yet have such differing tastes on so many things. I have asked for The Dark Knight for Christmas (I asked Amazon so I am pretty sure I am getting it.) and she will hate it. However, Little Women is one of her all time favorites and is a movie sure to get me to go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon just to get out of the house. (The Safford Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon is the equivalent of the seventh circle of hell.) I have come to believe that Shannon now picks her wardrobe based on Ryan's anti-choice. It never fails...EVER! If I like one outfit, she prefers the other. It just works out that way.

So I take this opportunity to reflect on and celebrate our differences. Honey, enjoy your practice tonight. It will be over way to fast. As for me, I will get the kids in bed, turn on a pre-season college basketball game and entertain visions of hotwings dancing in my head.

The Anti-Griswolds

Has anyone else ever had a holiday or vacation where you wanted so bad for it to go well and you built it up in your mind to the point where if anything goes wrong it will send you into depression for at least a week or two? Ok, maybe that is a bit over dramatic, but you get my gist. I really try to avoid doing that because I have seen the movie Christmas Vacation and I learned the valuable lesson they were trying to teach. In fact, I know I am not alone in this because my sister-in-law told me once that she has learned the best way to enjoy times with family or events that have significance is to sometimes lower the expectations and enjoy what happens as opposed to what you think should or want to happen. So as we headed into this last week, I kept trying to visualize that moment when Clark W. Griswold stands in front of his family after surviving a number of horrific events. (If you haven't seen Christmas Vacation, most of this will mean nothing to you. I apologize but the scene I am describing is priceless.) You know the scene where in spite of everything, he has finally got his Christmas bonus which he was counting on because he had put a down payment on a pool based on this bonus and was really starting to stress out because it hadn't arrived. When he opens it and realizes it isn't a bonus but is a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club, that is the epitome of having your dreams dashed because you had your expectations too high. It is also one of the most classic tirades ever recorded on film. Anyway, I kept visualizing that in hopes that I would not get my expectations too high for this Thanksgiving week. I am very happy to report that there was no reason to worry. Thanksgiving was everything I hoped it would be and more. The only thing I would have changed was that I hadn't had to work Monday through Wednesday and could have spent more time with my family in Duncan. I don't want it to sound like I was dreading this week prior, I just was so excited and looking forward to it that I worried I would be disappointed. (Shannon will be the first to tell you that I am always thinking through every situation and determining just what can go wrong. It is a terrible curse.)

Wednesday night, our family got dressed up and went to Holladay's for family photos. They are so great to work with there and amazingly, Kate was awesome despite having had nap issues earlier in the day. Kristin, the photographer, has an amazing way with kids and my kids thought she was awesome. Shannon got all up in my grill (I have always wanted to use that phrase in the blog, but couldn't figure out how. I am trying to convince myself I am still hip. By using the word hip, I am proving I am not.) about wearing a blue shirt since everyone else was going to be wearing white. I would like to thank Jerry for wearing a blue shirt to save me the embarrassment of having to admit to her later that she was right. After pictures, everyone came to our house for pizza. Jerry and Kirt ended up staying until midnight playing games. Games are what our family does. Nothing brings families together like competition to the death.

Thanksgiving was a laid back affair. We got up Thursday morning and I baked the pumpkin pies, we piddled around and finally got to Duncan about noon. Dinner was fantastic and we even got the kids to try turkey this year. Well, Braden and Abby. Logan had a roll I think. After dinner, everyone got some rest, my dad and the kids walked the dog and then the games recommenced. All of my victories in the train game, Ticket to Ride, were washed away in the family card game as I took a bath and came in last. I am pretty sure I said something about hating that game and throwing a minor tantrum. AAAHHH good times!!

Friday, we returned and helped my mom decorate for Christmas. One of her favorite things to do is decorate the Christmas tree with my kids. Logan was in charge of putting the candy canes on the tree and since he is four, obstinate and again, four, my mom's tree has a candy cane "section" as opposed to a tree decorated throughout with candy canes. (See Photo) Kirt gave the kids a new game for the Wii (which we had taken with us to keep them busy) called Super Mario Galaxy. I am not sure we saw Braden again the rest of the evening. Mid afternoon, the gaming started anew and continued throughout the evening. I not only lost a lot, I lost mostly to my wife. It shouldn't, but that drives me crazy. Most other couples we play with will be supportive of each other and maybe help each other just a bit here and there. Not us. We give each other nothing. We also stick strongly to the rule that in every game, Shannon is the green player and I am the red player, based on our high school colors. We have done that our entire marriage. We have even gone back to the miniature golf people and requested new golf balls that were the correct colors. We are pathetic. (The only sad note of the weekend was seeing my mom's stamina. She was always the one leading the game charge into the wee hours of the night. Unfortunately, she was good for about one game and then she would watch for a while. On the plus side, she got some good play dough time in with the kids.) It was really tough to say goodbye Friday night. Our family had not been together like that for over five years, maybe longer. It was such a good time that I didn't want it to end. But, reality came calling in the end and so now we look forward to Christmas.

As if all of that wasn't enough, Saturday, after putting up my Christmas lights all morning, I got a visit from a young man named Danny Kay. Danny is from the Liverpool area in England and was nine years old when I last saw him. My companion and I taught his family and on my last weekend in that area, we baptized them. He was in Arizona for a wedding and drove down to spend the afternoon with me. It made me feel unbelievably old (that happens a lot these days) to realize he is now 25, but it was so awesome to see him. I got caught up on his life and he on mine. Braden was so excited to hear someone with an English accent. He told anyone who would listen that someone from another country was coming to our house. After he left, we spent a fun evening with Shannon's family. It was good to get some time with Danae and Lamar. We don't see them enough since we moved.

Overall, I don't know how the week could have gone much better. I definitely did not have a "jelly of the month club" moment the whole time. (It came close when I got up at 5 a.m. to go get a Christmas tree at Home Depot only to find out they were only sent 10. A whole different story, but TEN???) I am blessed to have the family I have and can't wait to be together again at Christmas.

Let Us Give Thanks and Responses

Our family is looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving this week. My brother drove in tonight from Utah with his life partner Kirt and will be spending the week in Duncan with my parents. We will be there off and on during the week, but with the kids and school and me having to work until Wednesday, we will not be able to be there the whole time. So on their way through, Jerry and Kirt stopped off to visit us and Shannon asked the obvious question, "What are you going to do in Duncan for the whole week?" It got the obvious answer, "We have no idea." Duncan, where excitement happens!

However, my kids love Duncan and we are actually very excited for this week. My kids were extremely excited to see their uncle again after reconnecting over the Labor day weekend, and it was the first time Kirt had ever gotten to meet Logan and Kate. We are guaranteed to have many hard fought battles over cards or other games that we will introduce them to. My only concern is that my son Braden will at some point take us to that area where we dare not tread...POLITICS! I don't really have a huge fear as Jerry knows my views on abortion. I have been very up front that that is probably my one driving issue above all others. I have never asked his specific views on it, but I am fairly certain he supported Obama in the presidential election. Earlier this year when Braden asked if we wanted Obama to win, we explained that we didn't because he was pro abortion. Those of you with six-year olds know exactly where this conversation is headed. He asked what abortion is. We explained as delicately as we could and after a 10 minute explanation, it all boiled down to this. "So son, do you understand why we don't want Obama to win?" "Yeah, he kills babies." Nice Son!

For whatever reason, he and Logan have really stuck with this McCain and Obama thing. We will periodically hear them in the bath with Braden saying, "Ok, I am John McCain and you are Barack Obama." I don't know what they do, I don't think I want to know. Anyway, if Obama comes up at all, Braden immediately spews out, "He kills babies." I am just waiting for that to occur some time this week. I am sure Jerry and Kirt will handle it extremely well, but I am also sure they will be thinking: "What are they teaching those kids?" And yet, even if this happens, I guarantee it will not be as awkward as last Thanksgiving, where our guest list included; my parents, Shannon's mom and brother, Shannon's mom's boyfriend, Shannon's mom's boyfriend's son and Shannon's mom's boyfriend's son's on and off again girlfriend (whom we had never met) who lives in another town and didn't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. If all that together doesn't spell awkward, I don't know what does.

Bottom line, we are looking forward to a fantastic Thanksgiving and pray that it will be the first of several to come with all of us together. We wish everyone who might be reading this a very Happy Thanksgiving.

In an unrelated topic, I wanted to respond to a couple of comments that were left on our blog by family or friends. So I will do so below:

1. To my cousin Mike and his comment on my embarrasing moments post: "I had totally forgotten about those Garfield books. Those were hilarious. I had thought my first real bout of uncontrollable laughter had occured on the outdoor basketball court at EAC when my friend Spencer Bigler did his impression of an epileptic basketball player. (Highly politically incorrect, but unbelievably funny. To my friends who have epilepsy or know someone who does, no offense is meant by this.) But Mike reminded me that no, my inability to control myself at times while laughing dates back much further. Thanks Mike.

2. To Chris Kartchner and his comment on my Mini Posts post: If there is anyone who could beat me at Trivial Pursuit it would either be you or my mother, but I will never admit to being owned especially if we haven't played the game. The one exception is I will admit to being owned at bowling by Timilee Brown. I don't care how slight in stature she is, I once watched her bowl four strikes in a row. I carry her bowling shoes. Let's move on.

3. To Anna Marks on her comment on my Mini Posts post: I am so glad to have found a fellow Toddler Fetch player. We should write a book advancing the positive growth patterns of toddlers who play fetch with their parents and make millions. We may have to admit we were wrong in 30 years, but I didn't see Dr. Spock giving any money back while making his admission. We'd be set.

4. To everyone commenting on my Mom and her current medical condition: Thank You from the bottom of our hearts. We don't know where the road will lead, but it is nice to know of those who are rooting for us during our journey. We greatly appreciate it.

5. Lastly, I have never solicited comments, but I found the comments on what people have on their iPods, and what they listen to because of their parents, fascinating. So I guess I am now soliciting comments. I would love to know what things have been passed on to you from your parents or you are passing on to your kids whether it be music, movies or whatever. I am just really curious. And thanks to those who started this fascination with your comments on the matter.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

The Way We Were

As previously documented in the last post, our week did not start well in the illness department. Well, to quote Sean Connery from Indiana Jones, "Our situation has not improved." Following Braden, Logan got sick on Monday night and though we thought it was a one night thing, he proved us wrong by providing a new upholstering job to the inside of our van yesterday afternoon. This was followed by Shannon going down last night. All of these things combined with the "regular" life of having four kids caused me to reflect on how we got this point. I then realized, I have never recorded anywhere how Shannon and I met, started dating and ended up married. That might be important. So, if that story doesn't interest you, Danae and Lamar have some beautiful pictures of Maine and New Hampshire up on their blog that might be of interest. Otherwise, OUR STORY BEGINS...

The first time I remember becoming aware of Shannon was when I started playing tennis every Monday night after FHE following my mission. I played doubles with Brian Taylor, Adam Layton, Boyd Bryce/Heath Brown every week. Around that time, Brian Taylor was dating Shannon. I would love to report that our first meeting was love at first sight, but instead my opinion was that anyone who would date Brian Taylor probably wasn't for me. Great tennis player...I hope he doesn't know about this blog. Anyone who knows Brian Taylor...great guy just very different from me. (There is no good way out of this so we are just going to leave it hanging out in the air like that and go on.) Shannon, meanwhile, was not all that impressed with someone who would paint their face, put a Horrible Gila Hankie on their head and yell into a megaphone all through basketball games. There just wasn't a lot to get her excited about a guy who would lead the student section in yelling the Fat Albert, "HEY HEY HEYYY!!!" every time one guy touched the ball. (That was a great game. He was one of their better players and we had him so frustrated he was totally ineffective by the end of the game. This was right up there with the Vidal Sassoon guy from MCC. Good times. Anyway, I digress.) So not a lot happened until Choir tour. On our way home, I went and sat by her because my seat mate, Spencer Bigler, had a female admirer who sat on both of us until I moved. (I don't mean to imply anything about weight here, it just got very uncomfortable being a third wheel while simultaneously having a human being in your lap.) We had a great time and my friend Janelle DeWitt suggested I ask her out. I did. When I asked her out, she told me she had had a dream about me. That's right folks...I am the man of her dreams. Of course the dream was that I was throwing rocks at her to get her attention so...I don't know what that means.

Our first date was a triple date with Mike Bradley and Becky Phillips and Preston Bigler and Nancy Everett. We had dinner that was symbolic of all of our missions. Ok, we were stretching it quite a bit because dinner was home made pizzas on English Muffins (England) with Canadian Bacon (Canada) and some kind of guava juice (Brazil). Let's just say, I don't think the girls had an amazing cultural experience that night. We had a great time and at the end of the date, I was so smooth and told her, "Now don't go getting all weird on me now." Aren't I a great communicator? What I was saying was that I didn't want her to ignore me the next day. She took it to mean that I was saying, don't be surprised when I ignore tomorrow. Right there we should have seen what our ability to communicate with each other was going to be like.

Two weeks later, we were at my apartment and I kissed her for the first time. Actually, I was moving in when she got tired of waiting and closed the distance with lightning speed. An interesting side note is that Shannon's sister and her husband bought that house about two years ago. I am glad for her sake that she married me. That could have been awfully weird for her. It's a little weird even though we are married.

The fact that she stuck with me after we had dated a couple of months is truly amazing in retrospect. We started dating during my holy month of March. This is known to others as the NCAA basketball tournament or March Madness. During these games, Shannon was only able to get about 50% of my attention...ok 40%...25?...all right more like 10. In fact there was one particularly low point in our relationship. The last night I would be in Thatcher before moving to Mesa for the summer, Shannon said, "I don't care what we do tonight, but I don't want to watch basketball." Through a chain of events we ended up watching basketball. Nice Ryan. Also, my choice in clothes was nearly an insurmountable barrier. For our first date, she got dressed up, and I wore...my dress baseball cap and plaid baggy shorts. Another low light occured during an institute class we went to together. I got up that morning and needed to do laundry desperately. So my ensemble that day was a long sleeve button up dress shirt and cut off sweats. Wow, it is truly still embarressing to admit that. Bottom line, when I moved to Mesa, I was barely hanging by a thread. I had been there a week and was coming back to Thatcher for the weekend. I didn't know it, but she was planning on breaking up with me unless some kind of sign was received. Well, I was living with my Uncle Jack and his son, my cousin Michael, saved me. I told him I needed to get a good outfit to wear down to Thatcher and surprise Shannon with some actual good taste. Michael is the coolest, snappiest (I know it is 2008, but I like that word) dresser I know. He went shopping with me and that outfit proved to be the sign she was looking for. Disaster averted.

A week later, Shannon moved to Mesa as well and we enjoyed a summer working in the city and spending most evenings together. I feel bad about the kind of house guest I was to my uncle and aunt. At the time I was oblivious, but I didn't volunteer to help out at all that I can remember. I basically slept there and ate there very occasionally. In fact, one night my grandmother, who also lived there, was at the dinner table when I was actually eating with the family. She asked if I was going over to visit "that girl". (My grandmother is terrible with names. I was usually Renny half the time.) I said that I was and she asked, "You like her don't you?" I again said yes and she said, "I could tell. You seem pretty hot for her." My uncle said, "MOTHER?!?!?" "Well he does." I think I then, red faced, brought up the subject of rising gas prices. I mean where do you go with that with your grandmother?

Following that summer and all the arguments, great dates and serious discussions that occured, we came back to EAC for one more semester with the intention of getting married over the Christmas break. The thing is, we didn't tell anybody else this. Shannon's dad was apparently telling her mother that if we weren't going to get engaged, we needed to break it off. People at EAC were shocked there still was no ring to be found. It was an interesting time. Finally, on October 10, we got engaged. Then we really started fighting. I don't know how engaged people ever manage to get married. Shannon said she wanted her colors to be pink and forest green. I, like a typical moron said, "Pink?" That led to a month long stretch where our colors were going to be Red, White and Black. I still think that would have been classy, but finally we had the discussion where she told me she hated those colors and I admitted that I really couldn't care less as long as there was that ice cream/seven up drink at the reception. Somehow, we didn't kill each other and we made it to January 4, 1996. People often reflect on what they did the night before their wedding. Some have deep introspection, others party with friends. I ironed clothes while watching the original Planet of the Apes movies with my cousin Michael. There was a marathon on TBS.

The day of the wedding was awesome. We had a wonderful ceremony and then we went to the luncheon. Unfortunately, I had promised her brother David that I would get him a corn dog because he probably wouldn't like anything at the luncheon. We went to three different AM/PMs and they were all out. Unbelievable. Anyway, we were late to our own luncheon and everybody ate without us. One of only two blemishes on the day. Since we had scheduled our reception on Saturday and got married on a Thursday, we then went goofy golfing and then to the movie Sabrina. The second blemish occured when we went to check into our hotel. We didn't know, but they required a $250 deposit if you didn't have a credit card. I did not. We had to drive around Tempe desparately looking for an ATM. Luckily we found one.

I can't believe that was almost 13 years ago. Life has definitely changed a lot in that time. I am grateful that wonderful woman looked past the idiot exterior I had and unfortunately too often still have and decided to marry me. Today, she is feeling like crap and still having to take care of two kids at home including a baby. I am going to owe her big when I get home. I sure am glad I didn't push that color thing for the reception. After a day like today, that almost definitely would have come up at some point.

The Harsh Realities of Growing Older

Try thinking back on the day when you learned that life doesn't care whether it is your birthday or not. As adults, we try to make our spouse's birthday a special time or else we have friends where we make an effort to give them a boost on that day, or around it anyway. For instance, my friend Heath and I have decided to treat each other to a round of golf. It really is a win win as it means we are guaranteed two full rounds of 18 holes each summer. But the reality of life is, that life doesn't care when your birthday is and as adults we all know it. But it is a hard lesson to learn. I think I learned it on my mission when for my 20th birthday we did...nothing. It is one of those situations of, "Hey, happy birthday Elder, can I give you a ride to your next area where you will be tracting in the rain for 6 hours?" I remember the subtle waves of depression that hit me as I thought to myself, I just turned 20 and nobody cares. Of course companions are such a help during these times. Mine was like, a birthday? I had one of those a couple months back.

With those memories in mind, you try to do all that you can to keep The Birthday as special an event as possible for your kids. But sometimes, life has other plans. Case in point, this weekend for my 3 almost 4 year old son Logan. He will celebrate his birthday on Tuesday so this was his "birthday weekend". We made plans to celebrate his birthday tonight with both of our families, dinner, a cake and a few gifts (See above pictures). So how did the weekend start out for young Logan? A flu shot on Friday afternoon. The following description comes from Shannon. When she arrived at the county health department, the waiting area was empty. They went back to get their shots and Abby plops down, gets it done and...boom, it's over. Next, Logan is screaming hysterically and clinging deparately to Shannon. So she has to hold him in place for the shot. He proceeds to scream and continues screaming long after they have left and gone to their next stop on the afternoon errand trail. Next, Braden has to be pried off of the waiting chair he has been sitting in. I wish this was an exageration, but prying is the most acurate verb for this situation. So, Shannon had to hold him down as he gets the shot as well. So now Shannon has two screaming boys along with a screaming baby who is freaked out by all the screaming going on around. On their way out, Shannon realizes that the waiting area is now full and realizes Logan is screaming, "That hurt sooo bad! That hurt! AAAHHHHH!!!!!" Braden is screaming, "Why mom, why would you let them do it to me? Why? AAAAHHHH!!!!!!" What a great start to the weekend for the birthday boy.

Up next, going to bed Saturday night. I don't know how the waking of parents works in anyone else's house, but in ours, I have been designated as the one to be awakened. I knew it was bad when I got the tap on my arm and looked up to see 2:30 a.m. and then saw that not one, but both of my boys are standing by my bed. Braden then informs me that he has thrown up. He did it so sweetly and coherently, I thought he was joking. When Abby throws up, she lets out blood curdling screams from the bathroom until someone comes to her. Here was Braden almost sounding like, "Um, father, I hate to intrude upon your peaceful slumber, but I have found myself to be sick." (I love the British way of saying sick to describe throw up. I was sick means, I threw up. It just sounds so much less...wet.) Anyway, I go in to find that he threw up in bed. I don't think I mentioned that Braden is on the top bunk. Which brings me to why Logan was accompanying him on his midnight hurling tour. We have those bunk beds where the bottom bunk is a little larger than the top. Logan described it this way: "I was just asleep, and then I felt a little wet." Fortunately for him, it wasn't a direct hit. Two hours later, we had gotten everyone back to bed. (Kate currently sleeps in the laundry room (don't ask) which obviously was a high traffic area so she got to join the puke party we were having as well. Needless to say, Sunday morning was not a welcome sight.

Next up for the birthday boy, someone thought it would be good for him to give his first talk in primary two days before his birthday. Long story short, Shannon gave his talk while he stood there holding a picture. Got a bit of the stage fright.

Finally tonight, he got to do a little bit of celebrating. He got to wear the coveted birthday hat and eat his chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate ice cream. (He doesn't take after his mother at all.) He got a new view finder and new Playdo. Life was good. I am sure when he looks back, he won't make the connection of a rough weekend with his birthday, but at 3:00 a.m. on Saturday morning as we were cleaning him and his room up, I couldn't help thinking, "Get used to this son, someday, you will realize birthdays aren't all they are cracked up to be."

Indiana Jones and The Ipod of Doom

Isn't it funny what parents pass on to their children when it comes to pop culture. Don't get me wrong, children find most of their pop culture interests on their own, but certain things creep through. You know its true. Someone out there is going to totally relate to what I am about to say and is going to feel a sense of relief that they are not alone. Ok, maybe that's a bit melodramatic, but I own a Simon and Garfunkel Greatest Hits CD. Not only that, but Shannon and I will listen to it over many other CDs that we own. If not that one, The Mamas and the Papas get a lot of playing time, or possibly Mr. Neil Diamond. (On a side note, Shannon and I often comment that he is fantastic but should completely avoid singing covers of other people's stuff. In our opinion, the moving moment from Les Mis when Fantine is preparing to die just loses some of its emotional zing when it comes via the nasal inflections that only Neil Diamond can produce. "I Dreeeamd a Dreeeam of Days Gone BYYYyyye" Not good. Also, his rendition of Candlelight Carol causes the same reaction in me as my nine year old deciding that her high pitched fake laugh is so entertaining it needs to be repeated over and over loudly in a very echo inducing kitchen. PLEEEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!) Some of my greatest musical memories include listening to my Dad's Chuck Berry tape or my parents Everly Brothers LP. (I have totally dated myself by the reference to an LP. My only defense is that I was very young at the time.) And we are all that way. Shannon has a real affinity for The Carpenters thanks to her mother. I personally find that Unisom is slightly more effective than The Carpenters, but not by much. She also enjoys early 70s era country music thanks to her Dad. Sometimes this phenomenon has very detrimental effects. I was at my good friend Heath's house the other day and we were listening to his Ipod when Janis Joplin came on. I thought to myself, "Wow. All the good and positive ideals and lessons Heath's parents taught him and somehow, they overlooked the damage they were doing by listening to this? Tragedy." I could be wrong, but I think Timilee, his wife, agrees with me. But long story short, I find it fascinating to hear or see other people's pop culture interests and especially those that were clearly influenced by their parents.

That brings me to the realization that I am doing the same to my kids. I think one of the first times this hit me hard was when my then four year old son was walking around singing, "Hello, you fool, I love you." In 1990, I think that was my favorite song. Braden and Abby love it so much, I now hate that song. Tell me parents if this isn't something you have had to do. You hear the opening note or sound of a song on your Ipod that your children have listened to no less than 187 times in the last week and you lunge to skip to the next song before they recognize it is coming on. It never works. Children recognize what they are hearing long before any parent ever will. My children's current list of favorites to skip ahead to on the Ipod: Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins, Wild Thing - The version from the movie Major League, not the Jimi Hendrix version, I Need To Know - Marc Anthony and Abby's current favorite, Mr. Policeman - Brad Paisley. (I can't tell you how happy I am that at least one of my children is buying into my Brad Paisley obsession. I thought for a while I might be a lone man in the wilderness.) Also some music is timeless and passes through multiple generations. My dad, myself and my son Braden all love Sloopy, Sugar Sugar and Devil With A Blue Dress.

Lastly, I am also going through a back door of indoctrinating my sons on the coolness of Indiana Jones (Movies 1-3. Movie 4 does not count. At times, I pretend it does not exist.) I have not let my 6 nor 3 year old actually watch these movies, but I have rented the Wii version of Lego Indiana Jones and they LOVE IT! By letting them beat up Lego people that shatter into several individual Lego pieces, I am hoping to build a bond that will last a lifetime of watching these classic movies together. For those who don't believe mindless violence can build said bond, I submit that my Dad and I still can sit for over an hour watching old Looney Tunes cartoons and still be laughing our heads off when Yosemite Sam falls off that diving board for the 5th or 6th time. (We have purchased DVDs of the Looney Tunes and I am indoctrinating my kids with those too. I figure after being subjected to them as a child and then never having dropped an anvil on someone's head myself, they are probably ok. This is now a family treat to watch these together.)

I don't ever want to wish away time. My kids are growing up way to fast as it is. But I have to admit that I wish I could get a time machine and go forward in time and see what my kids are listening to on their invisible, weightless musical helmet that is voice activated to play whatever song you request. It would be interesting to see what, if any, of mine and Shannon's musical influence made it through. I pray it's not The Carpenters.

The Legend of the Rogue Toilet Seat Lid

What is it with kids, freshly cleaned things and the middle of the night. A few months ago, Abby was not feeling all that well when she went to bed. Bless her heart, the bug struck in the wee hours of the morning and she jumped and ran to the bathroom. Alas, for all of her efforts, she was thwarted a few mere inches from her desired goal. As she made her way to the toilet to let loose with all things sweet and unhealthy she had gone crazy with earlier, she got there only to find the toilet seat lid closed. In her defense, she wanted to open it. She actually started to try and open it. But her stomach had other things in mind. I stop here to have everyone engage in a mental image exercise. Do you know what happens when you put a spoon underneath running water in the sink? How it turns a harmless stream of running water into a chaotic spray that douses everything in a 15 inch radius including your 9 year old's homework (why it was by the kitchen sink, who knows), your tie that you just put on to go to work and your freshly mopped floor. I am here to testify that a closed toilet seat lid has the same effect on a larger scale when it comes to flowing bodily liquids. Abby launched and then cried out. The crying out had the positive effect of awaking me from a deep sleep, but alas, it had the negative effect of taking all of her remaining energy which meant there was none available to open the lid for shot number two. I arrived at the bathroom door fully prepared to be the loving supportive father who would provide comfort to my sweet, yet sick daughter. I was not prepared for what I found. There was not a spot of that bathroom that she didn't get. The shower curtain, the towels, the floor, the walls (3), the back of the toilet (other than a ricochet theory that doesn't hold much water, I am still at a loss of how) and most of her. As only someone who is a parent can understand, I somehow held it together long enough to get her cleaned up and back to bed. Then I had to clean it up. An hour later I was ready to unscrew the toilet seat, remove it and have just an open vessel. I was also ready to put myself through a high powered car wash.

I was pretty sure we had learned our lesson. For many weeks, we made sure each night that the toilet seat lid was raised before we went to bed. But as in all things, you get complacent. Don't worry, I don't intend to make a gospel lesson out of a toilet seat lid, but if you find one here, that is your business. Yesterday, we cleaned our house for roughly the entire day. We did everything. Shannon bleached both bathrooms and I actually got down with a pumice stone and did....pumice stone things. The house was beautiful. Well, we all now how beautifully clean things are meant to look. You close everything and leave it as if you were trying to sell your home and people would be coming to see it. There it was, the fatal flaw. This morning, Abby comes into our room as I am trying to wake up and says, "Dad, Logan's in the bathroom crying."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Aren't 9 year olds helpful? I think you could ask them if they are wearing socks and they would say, "I don't know." They know Nick Jonas' named his wart Bobby when he was 5, (Thanks Disney Channel), but what is causing their three year old brother great anguish 10 feet away is a little too much for them.

Anyway, I go in to find that Logan has had an accident. I remind you that we had cleaned the bathroom about 18 hours earlier. Shannon even forbade us to use them for a month. I was still trying to work out the logistics for an outhouse by the trampoline. There stood my 3 year old son. His pants off just crying. And there was that dad gum blasted toilet seat lid closed and covered in urine. He had managed to get his pants off (they were completely dry), but hadn't had time to get the toilet seat lid raised. As only a parent will understand, I told him it was ok and tried to calm him as that little lower lip quivered and he kept repeating, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." There was no way to get mad at him. I got him taken care of and then again, I cleaned up a mess that was everywhere, (repeat image exercise from above). I intend to buy a sledge hammer tomorrow and teach that seat lid a lesson. I am sure it will understand it is nothing personal.